A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:i always feel a lot older than i am. me and this guy like each other and flirt a lot, and it might lead to a relationship but we're just seeing how things go as hes 18, im 13 and we don't want to rush into anything. i know it would be illegal to have sex, but i've already told him that i don't want him to get into trouble, he said he's fine with that and he's not bothered about sex anyway. my dad is worried that i'll make my sisters mistakes, even though we're completely different. would it still be okay to date him?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 September 2011):
 I agree with Tisha.
Let him spend his time with you and your family. IN front of your parents....
I can't imagine truly what a normal 18 yr old male and a normal 13 yr old female could have in common.... but if it works for you within the parameters that your parents agree to (and that's the key your PARENTS must approve and agree) then give it a shot.
the GAP is not that large later on but at this age it's way too large and as a parent I would WONDER what an 18 yr old young man wanted with my 13 yr old daughter... maturity or not.. even the most mature 13 yr old is not ready for an 18 yr old adult male to have a relationship with.
BUT if he's willing to wait till you are of age and to spend time with you as a family member, then give it a go.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2011): No it is not ok. Age doesn't matter when your over 18, but when your 13 it does matter. There are legal issues if sex is involved and it is an unequal relationship as he is an adult, and no matter how mature or grown up you may be or may feel you are, your a minor. Sorry to say it, but it is not right.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 September 2011):
 I'd say spend time with him on family outings and when you are doing things with your parents, so he can demonstrate what kind of guy he is to your parents. At age 13, you have to be looked after by your parents, so if he's a genuine guy with no sexual agenda, then he'll be happy to spend time with you under supervision.
I expect your dad said "no" already. Just wait until you are 16 and of age before trying to start anything with a guy who's already so much older. He'll only be 21 then. If he can't wait for you, then he wasn't the guy for you.
And as far as feeling older than your age, ha! I can tell you most teenage girls feel the same way. You realize how little you knew somewhere around 23 or 24.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (26 September 2011):
 Right
Legally, anyone over the age of 18 who is involved in a sexual relationship with someone under 16 can be put in jail for UP TO 14 years.
If you were under 13, then this would be even longer.
He would also be put on the sex offenders register, and be forced to tell his whereabouts to police whenever he moved.
He would not be able to get a job, or travel, or live a normal life.
Bottom line. It is WRONG.
An 18 year old ADULT man should not be interested in a 13 year old child.
You are a child, no matter how mature you may think you are. You have got so much growing to do over the next 5 years, both physically (you are going through puberty, your body will change, you will start to develop as a woman) mentally and emotionally. At present you are still a child.
If you reverse the ages, would you want to go out with an 8 year old boy? This is how any normal 18 year old would look at you. It is just wrong. You have nothing in common and should not pursue this man. To be honest, any 18 year old guy who is interested in a 13 year old has some serious issues, and needs proper help.
You also mention your sister - I am guessing she is a teenage mum? You say it wont happen to you, because you are 'mature' and 'more grown up' than she was. I am sure your sister said exactly the same thing at the time.
If you want to prove you are mature, then you will walk away from this man and focus on being a child and growing at the normal pace. If you dont, it just proves to everyone that you are a silly immature child. It is up to you.
There are very serious consequences to this. What you are suffering from is a crush. Teenage hormones are difficult. They are all new and you dont know how to read them or deal with them yet. We have all been there - BUT it is knowing when not to act on them. Give it another 5 years and you will begin to understand what is real and what isnt. Right now they are confusing you and making you feel things which are not real.
Be careful, stay safe and do the right thing.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 September 2011):
 My bad, I wrote:
Honestly, an 18 year old guy should have so much in common with a 13 year old girl that he wants to date one.
It should have been....
Honestly, an 18 year old guy shouldn't have so much in common with a 13 year old girl that he wants to date one.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (25 September 2011):
 it is not ok to date him. of course you both know that sex will be illegal - it will at give him 'sex offender' status, very probably a prison sentence too where he will be locked up with REAL paedophiles and rapists, and then when he is released how easy do you think it will be for him to get a job? and i don't just mean working with kids, i mean ANYWHERE. when his local community finds out what he was in jail for he will be hated by them.
is it really worth ruining his life for? it is ok for you to say you know you shouldn't have sex but if you do start dating and getting close and your yours and his hormones take over, the voice of your common sense will sound a LOT quieter to you.
leave him be to date WOMEN, not children (and i am sorry, but in the eyes of the law that is exactly what you are)
x
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 September 2011):
Honestly, an 18 year old guy should have so much in common with a 13 year old girl that he wants to date one.
In my honest opinion a 13 year old girl should NOT worry about relationships and sex.
And what 18 year old guy isn't bothered by sex?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 September 2011):
 Talk to your parents or a trusted adult about this subject and see what they say. You should be free to do as you like, as long as you remember that it is illegal to have sex with this guy and it could get you in to a lot of trouble. As long as you remain strong and say no until you are old enough and ready well then there is nothing wrong with harmless dating. But remember don't do anything that you are not comfortable with. Please talk to your parents and tell them how you are feeling. Maybe introduce them to this guy and see what they think of him. They will respect you a lot more if you involve them in it and just remember you are still there little girl.
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