A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey, Ive just done something wrong.. I just had sex with a lad in my class.. We were in science lesson at school and I noticed he was masturbating and I told him that I could see him and he told me to ask for the loo and meet him outside in 5 mins.. soo i did and we had sex in the school toilets!!! It was great but im only 13 and we didnt use a condom!! i feel pregnant and I dont want to be!! Hes not even my bf and we normally hate each other and I told my friend who is 15 and she bought a pregnant test for me and it said That i am pregnant and I dont know how to tell my family and the lad!! HELP!!
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female
reader, aunty t  +, writes (8 March 2007):
 God poor you this is such an unfortunate thing to happen to you. You need to talk to someone about this who will give you options. Could you talk to your parents or a relative you could confide in. Dont keep this to yourself. You dont need to tell this boy anything at the moment. Often when you talk to someone things will become alot better. You are very young to have such a heavy worry on your shoulders. Best of luck
A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (8 March 2007):
Hi all, I would recommend that posters wishing to discuss responses, rather than address the person seeking advice, should contact those posters directly, unless those responses are intended for the original poster as well. Just to briefly respond to those issues raised by respondants, which I would like the poster to hear, please be aware that much of these posts are full of judgements of the poster, and value judgements as to what is right and wrong. As the person posting the request for ADVICE (not judgement) is only 13, and has just gone through a difficult experience, I feel that she is better served by giving her things to think about that might help her diminish any feelings of guilt or shame she might be experiencing, and in addition, advice that she can follow towards a favourable outcome. To further these efforts and to sum up my advice. 1. I don't think you need to feel ashamed or guilty for what you did, but you do admit that you felt like what you did was wrong, and that should be an indication to you of the problems with having sex before you are mature enough, old enough, responsible enough, and educated enough. 2. Be brave, and go to speak to someone who can really give you the right advice. This might be a councellor, doctor, or someone similar.Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2007): Agreed very much so with Rythym on her assessment here. A 13 year old adolescent should have a good, deeply rooted moral sense of right and wrong deeply instilled in her, by this age. Somewhere along the line something either wasn't taught to her or she made the clear choice to ignore those standards, that were set out. Maybe your feelings are 'natural' but at your age, an 13 year old teen does not act out on them. Acting out on those feelings is what was not of the norm. For many teens, their sense of values kicks in and they recognize the wrongness of what is happening. I know children a lot younger who have an ingrained, essential sense of right and wrong. This young girl is deeply troubled and likely has low self-worth issues to have allowed this to happen. She needs counseling and proper adult guidance, in her life.
To the poster: You opened your body to a young man and had sex with him without thinking of the consequences. It is time to talk to your parents and seek their support in making a decision on what to do. None of us are in a position to tell you what to do. You are still a minor and dependent on your parents and under their care. Sit down with your Mom/Dad and tell them.--today. There is no special way to tell them..just come clean and be truthful. This is serious. Accept that there will likely be disappointment and heartache over this. But the best thing you can do is now seek the help of the people who love you the most. You have learned a sad lesson in why many of us tell young people to wait until having sex. Having sex without a clear, mature view or thoughtfulness to the harsh consequences will cause emotional pain not just to you and everyone else, involved in your life. Good luck, dear and go tell your parent(s) what has happened.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2007): There is a difference between calling the behavior of having sex in a public toilet gross and calling her gross, no one did that.
She already knows that what she did was wrong, and she did it anyway. Coddling her by telling her feelings "are natural" is not helpful. There is nothing natural about seeing a boy masturbating (which is very weird behavior to do in a classroom) and deciding I want some of that and offering to meet him in the toilet.
She has a problem that goes deepet than her "natural feelings" for sex and she needs to get some help through counseling, don't you think?
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain +, writes (7 March 2007):
Hi there,
Firstly, I am appalled at some of the answers you have received, with some people saying that you are gross or deserve death (omg!) or other things that would make you feel ashamed for who you are or what you did. Let me just start by saying that you should not feel ashamed for the urges that you have felt, or for who you are, there is nothing wrong with the way you felt, and you should not believe anyone who ever tells you that you should be ashamed like that. These feelings are natural.
However, I think you know by the fact that you start by saying you "have just done something wrong", that it is not a good idea to just give in to these feelings that you have had. It is not a good idea to have sex whenever you feel like it. There are lots of reasons for this: you are too young, it is against the law, you are too young to have a baby and raise a child, etc. But most importantly, you are not mature enough emotionally to understand the affects that having sex can have on you.
You say that having sex was great, but that you don't want to be pregnant. I am happy you enjoyed the experience, but you also recognise that having sex comes with having responsibility. You should wait until you understand yourself and boys a bit better. Give yourself a few years to mature. Think about the role that love has to play in two people being together. Think about respect for yourself, and other people, not just using eachother for pleasure, despite how it might affect their feelings and yours. Think about responsibility, and what it means to practice safe sex, and prevent unwanted pregnancy. You should discuss this with someone, a school councellor, doctor, or call an anonymous help line. Educate yourself.
Lastly, you are feeling worried about the possibility of being pregnant. Go to a doctor and have a real pregnancy test done, the sooner the better. You can figure out the rest from there.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Kody +, writes (7 March 2007):
I this be a hard one to answer 13 is very young I will admit I had never had sex but Its ok but why would you just go and do a boy and why was he doing that in science class where was the teacher I am a Irish american and I dont really have a good answer for that sorry... go to the Doctor
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A
reader, Rainee  +, writes (6 March 2007):
 I'm just going to advise you on what to do, and refrain from a judgemental answer. While you do need some stern lectures, I don't have the energy to type as much as you need to hear.
First of all, go to a doctor, and have them confirm the test (they are not always accurate, but it is much harder to get a false positive than a false negative, meaning that you likely are pregnant). At that point, the doctor should lay out all your options:
1. Abortion - I'm not up on the laws of abortion from your country, but it sounds like it you have the option of doing it quietly and free. The thing is, this means ending a life. It may honestly be your best option as you are so young, but it can take a toll on the body. Realize that this is NOT the best form of birth control. Abstinence, followed by condom use, are.
2. Keep the baby - If you do this, you must reveal to everyone that you are pregnant, and formulate a plan on raising it. This road is long and difficult, and at your age, I can't say it would be worth it in the end (but neither can I say it won't). Babies are fun and love you unconditionally, but they are also a continuous drain on all your resources--time, money, and energy. Also, the father of the child will have rights over it, and as you said you hate him, that could mean having continuing contact with him for the rest of the child's life. That is, if he bothers to be involved at all.
3. Adoption - There are many loving families that would love to take a baby off your hands, some even willing to provide support (monetarily and sometimes otherwise) in order to do so. But this means you will have to carry this child to term, and still have to speak with everyone involved and get their support. The father may not want to give his child up, or your parents may not want someone raising their grandchild. Even if those don't hinder you, you'd need to decide on an open or closed adoption--would you want to be able to see the child as it grows, or never at all? Some adoptive parents want one or the other, but you'd be able to choose who your child went to.
Big decisions, no matter what. I believe you should tell the father of the baby no matter what you do, but I suppose it's up to you. Frankly, he should know so he can see the consequences of his actions. You shouldn't have to be the only one to sweat this out--it takes two to tango.
Goodluck
P.S. - Please, please, wait til you're a little older, or at least use a condom from now on. So many problems can be averted that way!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007): You are 13 years old and having sex with boys you hate in dirty public toilets, how gross first of all, and how little you must value yourself....I feel very sorry for you, and I hope you can see your way to getting some counseling to figure out why you are so self destructive.
You are scared of telling this boy and your parents. If I were in your shoes I would go to the doctor right away and schedule an abortion. The father does not even need to know you are pregnant. He is 13, and can not do anything at all to help you, and I assure you he does not want you or the baby, he is a child and so are you!
It appears that you don't even have to pay for the procedure, do it right away, and it won't be any big deal for you.
If the laws there are you need parental consent then you have to tell your parents, trust me they are going to know if you don't have the abortion....just tell them you got pregnant and spare them all of the dirty details why don't you....and then go take care of it...nothing worse than a child raising a child.
I don't know who raised you, but you need to stop this kind of behavior and stop it now. It isn't funny to be pregnant and have to resort to an abortion to correct your mistake, not funny at all....I know you aren't laughing, but you need to get the gravity of the consequences of your actions.
Stop having sex, you are only 13!
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A
male
reader, maxsteel86 +, writes (6 March 2007):
 You're in the UK and underage so you get a free abortion courtesy of good honest taxpayers like me (who'd be footing the bill to raise your baby if you had one too) so dont get too worried since you dont even need to involve anyone else. Just go to AandE or your GP.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007): Hello
Firstly I would just like to say on a moral and legal note I condemn your actions highly as I'm just slightly older than you and I must say I do not support what you have done.
My apologies for such a negative opener but sorry that's the way I personally feel but nether the less we can not debate what has happened, I must however try and help you positively and professionally :) (otherwise their would be no point of having this website, if one didn't try to help!) lol.
My dear all I can suggest is that you seek advice either from your parents or from an anonymous, official heath related service who shall take you through the appropriate steps confidently and with your feelings and wealthier as priority!
However if feel maybe you should think about what you would like to do especially that you are pregnant, before telling the father (this guy), although I strongly recommend that you consult with the appropriate people and your parents immediately.
Good Luck
G-763
P.S You have real guts to post this kind of message, I can’t imagine how hard it would be to do so and I really respect you for doing so!
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A
female
reader, wild_cherry69  +, writes (6 March 2007):
 im not gonna lie to you.. that is one hel of a mess..but take another test.. coz sometimes they can lie.. to tell u a lil secret i did da same thing yesterday but with my boyfriend. If it is positive decide wether u want to keep it and if u do. Ur goona have to tell ur parents wich is hella scary.. i know. if it was in the last two or three days get the morning after pill asap! if u decide for and abortion without telling your parents ur gonna need someone who u trust a lot and are close to. u cant do it alone. mwah. let me know what u decide.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007): Hello, it seems to me that you are way to young to be thinking about sex nor having sex. You are only 13, when your 13 you should not be thinking about sex at the moment more like school work. If you took the test and it says your pregnant you need to go to the doctors and have that checked out to be sure you are. If you are you have acouple choices to make. 1) You can get an abortion 2) keep the baby 3)Adoption. You need to tell your parents dont keep this a secret from them. I hope i helped you a little bit. Always use protection!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007): Get yourself checked out at a clinic to test for STIs. Also seeing as you are pregnant you need to consider your options which are abortion, adoption or keeping it. I know that it's going to be hard but it is vital that you tell your parents. They need to help you through your choices about the unborn baby plus need to be prepared for it. The last thing that they would want is seeing their daughter going into labour without having a clue what's going on. A baby is a huge responsibility and suddenly one being in the family would shock them. The earlier you tell them the better. If you find it hard telling them that you are pregnant why don't you write them a letter? Tell them what has happened and how you got pregnant. It would be easier for you to write it all down rather than say it out loud. They will be shocked at first but eventually they'll calm down and help you with the options and how to choose which one (the options said above). What you have got to remember is that a baby is not a toy, it's a small human being which needs looking after 24/7. It needs to be fed, have it's nappy changed, it wakes up at night etc. Have you thought through who would be looking after it whilst you are at school? Anyway, about telling the father just drop a hint. It'll shock him and he'll probably start ignoring you and everything but at least he'll get the hint that he might be about to become a father (depending on whether or not you decide to have an abortion).
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