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anonymous
writes: I’m nearly 21 years old and I’ve just come out of a 3-year relationship. I met her when she was 15 and I was 18 and we live about 60 miles away from each other, which makes it harder. Since my car crash in January our relationship hasn’t been the same. I have had a lot to think about because of the crash and how do I sort my financial situation out. We would begin to argue about petty things, only once or twice a week and kiss and make up. Because she is younger than me she wants to go out to pubs and I suppose I feel slightly jealous because I didn’t go out and do anything like that when I was 17/18. She said she wants to be single for a while but does not want to lose our friendship but because we live so far we won't see each other ever again. Because of this I had an idea and we leave it a month or two and let the dust settle and then talk about how we feel about it, she has agreed but is this to not hurt me? and is this prolonging the pain of losing her? I just don’t know what to do and how do I move on? , because I don’t really want to and I would like to make this relationship work.
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reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (13 May 2005):
 I think it's a sign of maturity that she's willing to compromise with you and give it a month or two, to see how you feel later. Take her up on it, and make plans to meet and talk about how you both feel on a specific date in the future.One unpleasant fact that you have to acquaint yourself with and resign yourself to, is that the majority of relationships started in a person's teens don't last. If they did, we'd all be married to the boy or girl that we snogged at 13. Therefore, you need to consider the possibility that you've both grown up in the last 3 years and that you just might not be suited for each other any more.That's not to say that you mightn't rediscover each other's good points in future, but it's probably wise to take a break from the routine of fights and making up for a while. You don't need that sort of stress while you're recovering from an accident, and anyway, if you're really a couple who are destined to be together, you'll shortly discover how much you miss each other. You can get back together at any time, when you both want to.But be realistic too. If, after a month or two, you really miss her and she doesn't want to get back together, then the separation that you're trialling now wasn't the *cause* of a break up; it just allowed a break-up that was on the cards anyway. It sounds obvious, but two people are only a couple when they both want the relationship. If, later on, she doesn't (or if you don't), then it was over anyway.So, if you agree with her, then try being apart for a while and see how you feel. Just remember that the first month is really tough and isn't a reflection of the way you're going to feel forever. You started dating when you were both really young and people do change and grow up, so maybe you've become too different now, to carry on the way you used to. This break will allow you to see.
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