A
female
age
41-50,
*otme2
writes:I have been with the same guy for six years. In this entire time we have gone out two times as a couple. Most of the time it's just the mattress mambo and nothing else. I have spoken to him about building a more solid relationship together over the years. Nothing happens, I even tried to invite him out when I go out with friends. He always cancels or doesn't show. Plus ninety percent of the time, he doesn't answer his phone when I call him. He always calls back the next day or two later. Plus now he won't tell me where he lives. Too strange! I have tried to leave him, but he hounds me non stop until I cave. One day it hits me, I got the gut feeling he was cheating on me. So I started snooping. I found on his facebook page pictures of him and another woman. So I broke it off with him. He still kept coming around, I even told him I was dating someone else too! I wasn't though, it was just to push him away! So I finially cave in again after a month of almost daily hounding. Tonight I asked him "where do we stand as a couple and is there anyone else besides me?" Suddenly I get WWWIV about it. I think he is living with another woman and doesn't want to admit it. It may be spiteful but I really would like to catch him in his own game and hang him out to dry. If there is another lady, she doesn't deserve this either. She deserves to know what a shmuck he is too. She didn't do anything wrong. Am I wrong for wanting this?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2014): This has been going on for six years? I don't think that your partner is the one with the issues here; he's just doing what comes natural to him and you are enabling the behavior. Think about it for a second. Without your tacit approval and acquiescence he would have never been able to carry on this relationship with you.
After three or six months of dating, a light should go off in your head that his behavior is not the norm as it applies to relationship etiquette. It doesn't take six years to figure this out.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 November 2014):
 I agree, you are WASTING your energy on this douche. I agree that YOU were the OW/F-buddy on the side the whole time.
CUT the creep out of your life 100%.
You are NOT the morality police that goes around informing other women of this creeps actions.
6 years of this crap? Stop wasting YOUR life on someone who isn't worth a bag full of farts.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (16 November 2014):
 WHY would you waste another iota of time and/or energy on this creep who has used you as his sexual toy for the last 6 years???? Get away from him... quickly and to a great distance... then take a deep breath and get on with your life.... You deserve better.....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (16 November 2014):
 From what you've described it seems to me he's been cheating WITH you, not ON you.
You were never in a real relationship. He just called you when he wanted you for sex.
Soooo, the answer seems plain enough to me. You have nothing with him, so you lose nothing by walking away. If you're prepared to stick around under these circumstances, then you deserve what you get.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 November 2014):
 Yeah, you are wrong. You have lost focus completely. Forget about this other woman, what on earth does she have to do with you? She's adult, she can take care of herself, that is if she even exists. The person I am MORE worried about, who seems NOT capable of taking care of herself, and who DO deserve better... Well, can you guess who that person is?
You.
Get your head out of the clouds and away from some potential other woman. Why spend energy trying to "save" her from him? Woman, focus on YOURSELF. You need to get yourself away from this guy. Put all your energy into that. If he hounds you each day then CHANGE PHONE NUMBER. Or get a hidden phone number. That's what you need to do. No more drama, no more guessing what he's up to, guessing where he lives, wonder why he doesn't pick up the phone and letting him treat you as a free sex toy. Woman up, and do what needs to be done for you to be rid of him. There are much better men out there, but even without other men you will be better off ALONE. Just get this loser out of your life.
Who gives a crap is there's another woman who doesn't deserve this treatment either. YOU DO NOT DESERVE THIS TREATMENT. So stop taking it. Focus on you!
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