A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'll try to keep this brief and not include every detail of the past three years...I started seeing an older guy at the end of my master's degree. I got a job and moved away. Then when he graduated with his doctorate he moved to the same area. We stayed together through all of this, but never moved in together, because the timing was never right (I was laid off and had to move back in with my parents, he changed jobs and had to move to a different town, I went on tour.) At any rate, I ended up deciding to go back to school and he supported the decision (in fact it was his idea) We also decided to try the LDR thing again.By November he was fed up and said he couldn't be my boyfriend anymore, because he didn't feel like we could have a "real" relationship under the circumstances, but that he still loved me and nothing would change for him. Since then we have continued to talk on the phone every night, we've spent every holiday except Christmas and Valentines together (and would've the latter, but I had a school commitment and he didn't want to visit when I'd be "distracted" which makes a certain amount of sense) and we've visited each other several times. We still sleep together when we see each other, still say we love each other, and neither one of us has been dating anyone else and neither of us ever told our families that we broke up, and in my case my friends - I don't know if he told his friends or not...So tonight he was trying to nail down summer plans and said he wanted to know when I'd be in town so he could make plans and not miss me. I asked what he was planning on. He replied that he was going to visit an ex-girlfriend whose having marital problems. I got quiet, because I guess I was a little surprised/jealous. He asked if I was bothered and then said he just wanted to remind me that we're no longer girlfriend/boyfriend and that this is strictly platonic. Am I wrong to be bothered? Isn't platonic not-romantic, and if he's not interested in me romantically, why say that he loves me? (I mean the sex is not often and probably more trouble than its worth for a nervous flyer...) Am I wrong in feeling like our relationship is more than a friendship?ANY advice, insight or thoughts would be greatly appreciated...
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female
reader, 2dareANDdream +, writes (8 April 2009):
 Him being older he should know what that means. Just reinforce him about your feelings and if he tries any moves or anything kick him to the curb. You need to find a good man who is willing to wait for you and whom is respectful of your needs..
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