A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 25, single and sick of being so lonely. I've never had a girlfriend or even so much as dated anyone. I'm a decent guy, am told I'm good looking, have a college degree, have a stable job and a good group of friends. If I'm such a great catch why do women not seem to be interested in me? Sure I can be a little quiet sometimes, but I'm not completely shy.I hate always hearing the usual responses. "Focus on other things and be happy with yourself." I have kept myself busy on other things. I finished college, have a job that keeps me busy, a couple of hobbies to keep me busy in my off time and I hang out with friends all the time. Overall I am pretty happy with myself. I'm just not happy with feeling so lonely. I also hear that the solution to my problem is that I need to get out more. I get out plenty. I just don't seem to be meeting anyone. Can't say that I'm really into the club or bar scene, though I'll go out and have a few with friends every now and then. I'm also tired of hearing to be patient and in time I'll meet that someone special. Most of the time this comes from someone who has a relationship, so it must be easy for them to say that. Having always been single and not foreseeing any changes to that I really question weather to believe any of that. And yes, I know relationships take work. No, I beg to differ that relationships are overrated...End of rant.I just don't know what to do anymore. I usually try to be a happy and positive person, but it's getting harder and harder to put on my happy face every day when I'm feeling so down. Anyone have any advice?
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never had a girlfriend, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, omega1234  +, writes (10 January 2011):
I think you should make the first step.. girls are pretty shy usually and maybe waiting for you to make the first step, then they'd prolly encourage you..
A
male
reader, als77  +, writes (10 January 2011):
Seeing which of my friends have the most luck in dating/relationships, I am tempted to advice you to become a bad-boy...
I get were you're coming from, since I had my first (and only) GF aged 25. I guess a main quality that women like is confidence, although I have no idea on how to boost a low self-esteem.
Although we live in a modern society, it seems that most women still wants (expects, demands!) that men take the initiative. Meaning that you may be the most decent man i the world, maybe even the greatest catch, but it doesn't matter as long as you don't "put yourself out there".
Unfortunately, this is the only advice I can give you (since I seem to fail terribly myself): 1) Boost you confidence (somehow), and 2) put yourself out there (somehow). And don't forget to ignore all your well-meaning (but painfully) friends saying your a good catch.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): Please don't take this the wrong way but you have a very feminine attitude to dating. You're a guy dude, you want to have girls interested in you then you have to make them interested.
You can't just put on a short skirt, low cut top and dance around waiting for them to make moves. You're the man you have to do all the work. You have to do all the pursuing.
Focusing on other things, being patient all that crap is for girls. Seriously, that's exactly the advice I'd give to a female friend because that's how it works for women not guys. You see for most women the best way to get approached by guys is to be happy, confident, dress well, look and feel good and guys will approach them. So for them the patience and getting on with your life thing is the way to go.
It doesn't work like that for us guys, we have to grab life by the balls (I was going to say women by the balls hehe) and go out and actively chat girls up, approach girls we like, talk to them and if we click ask them out.
You have all that you need to date, you have good friends, you have a stable income and are generally happy with yourself. But how are girls going to find all that out if you're not over talking to them or asking them out?
The one thing your friends are right about though is getting rid of that whiff of desperation that you have. That's probably why they told you to focus on being happy with yourself etc, because girls can smell desperate a mile away and it's not an attractive quality.
It's easy really though, you see a girl you like, approach her, talk to her, even if she doesn't really seem that interested ask her for her number. Then take it from there. Don't give up just keep trying, if rejected move on and don't take it personally. The more you try the easier it gets and the more success you will have and success breeds confidence. Most of all remember you're the man, so act like it.
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A
female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell  +, writes (10 January 2011):
 I know where you are, I'm in the same position. I bet all your friends are telling you how great you are, and then there's no evidence to prove it! It's so fustrating seeing all your friends coupled up, people around you together and happy, and you're the odd one out. I know it feels terrible and you start to doubt yourself. I lie in bed thinking, 'there's billions of people in the world, how can I be so alone, how can nobody want me?' You just have to have faith I guess. It's irritating hearing the same things from your friends (some of which I may have repeating and I'm sorry because it is annoying) and you don't want to talk about it too much because you don't want to be moaning at your friends about your (lack of) love life.
I know, it's dire. Try to have faith. Maybe try online dating? Or ask your friends to maybe set you up on a few blind dates? Sometimes they can turn out to be disasterous, but at least you tried, right?
Good Luck! xxx
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A
female
reader, Little_aphrodite  +, writes (10 January 2011):
 Hi there.. Well, love is not about you r catchy or not.. When you love someone, you will feel comfort with her or him..
And if till now no one interested on you, maybe just because they don't "click" with you.. And that is not your mistake.. Because everyone has their own "type"..
Just don't give up and keep open your heart to everyone.. :)
I don't have boyfriend too, but someday i will find my true love.. :')
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): Maybe you should try online dating. Also, there are these dating services that bring singles together in a group to do fun activities like camping or sports. It is less pressure than dating one on one and you can have a great time doing the activities if you don't necessarily click with the people in the group. Do you know what kind of girl you're looking for? You should go and do something in an environment that is similar to the kind of girl you're looking for. Like if you like smart girls, join a book club. Or if you like athletic girls, join a coed sports team. You can't expect for them to come to you if when you go out, the only place you go is to a bar or the usual clubs because it's pretty hard to get to know anyone in such a setting. Goodluck with dating. I know it's frustrating being on th dating scene. I'm in it too and it is hard to meet people, but just try a more unconventional path and see what happens! Goodluck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): "I just don't seem to be meeting anyone. Can't say that I'm really into the club or bar scene"
there you go, maybe wherever you are probably girls are into that kind of thing.
Plus, you didn't say what you're looking for a girl, maybe you're not meeting yet the one who meets the criteria.
Try online dating, or online social sites, I met some of my dates over social sites, it's all right.
I don't craigslist though...
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