A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hii have a boyfriend that nobody approves of i like him alot but the strain of sneaking out to see him is taking its toll. its hard 4 me to lie about were im going all the time. but i really like him and dont feel ready to break up with him. he has also just gone away and wont be back 4 like 2 weeks. i also dont get to see him much.bfore i met him i was on a online dating site and i get lots of messages and winks. ive started answereing to a few never meeting them but just chatting and getting to know.is this called cheating or something? i dont even know why im doing this. i think i also feel a bit restricted im a free bird u see. and i have been single 4 4 ys bfore i met him. do u think i just have to adjust? or should i not commit and break up? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2010): tnx guys ur advice was helpful, i do enjoy being single so i think ill just tell him that. lol
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010): If nobody approves of your boyfriend then there must be something not too great about him. Does he have a criminal record, do drugs or something? It doesn't sound like much of a relationship anyway, you hardly see him and when you do it has to be in secret.
Maybe it's best to think about ending it then you can do all the online dating you like.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (12 November 2010):
 You don't sound very committed to this relationship if you're still on this dating website. It's technically not cheating, but it's leaving you open to cheat if you do meet up with these men. Also if there are sexually explicit messages being exchanged then that suggests cheating. If you feel like you're putting more in this relationship than you're getting in return then end it. When you're in a relationship you're restricted, tied down to that one person. By your free bird comment, that tells me you'd rather be single. Let this guy go.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (12 November 2010):
 I wouldn't be pleased if I found out my GF was chatting to guys on an online dating site. That's a bit different than chatting online through facebook or other IM services because of the whole "dating site" angle. I wouldn't classify it as cheating, but I would classify it as something you probably shouldn't be doing.
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A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (12 November 2010):
I would say this is at least toeing the line of cheating. And many people do consider this to be a form of cheating.
Are you telling the people you talk to that you are single or taken? Does your boyfriend know you're on the site or are you hiding it? Are you giving people you talk to the impression that there might be more later on?
Generally talking on dating sites is not good practice in a relationship. And it can easily lead to worse. And if your boyfriend finds out, he will likely be upset that 1) you're doing it and 2) you hid it
If you're feeling restricted, you could talk to your boyfriend about it. Tell him you want to take things slow. Maybe even agree to date others for awhile. But do it openly. Or decide you want to commit, and wait for adjusting to happen. It does feel more natural with time. But talking to people on dating sites will just become a bad habit if you let it continue.
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