A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 23 and my girlfriend is 22. We've been together for a year and a half. But, we consistently have problems in the relationship, and the love just faded a long time ago...anywayWhen I let her know whats wrong, or if I have a concern regarding her...she gets defensive telling me that I always take what she says the wrong way. Even if I ask if she's got something on her mind she gets an attitude. She tells me that I don't love herand that she's "a brutally honest person" and that I can accept that or leave. She then talks about wanting to seperate saying "You've broughtme to the point to where I want to quit. Things are so overwhelming that I'm seriously considering seperating." Then says if it wasn't for our son, we wouldn't be together. And that no normal girl would put up with me, that they would think of me as a loser. She says if it wasn't for our son we wouldn't be together. And that we should seperate...She says "I am emotionally and physically detached from you. You don't make me happy. I'm not in love with you." yet she buys me things. Then claims that I feel: "She doesn't make me happy, that I don't love her." (eventhough I've tried to show it with compliments, buying dinner, offering to take her out, offering to take baby off her hands, writing love letters to her. over the past 6 1/2 months and before that...) After an argument she acts as though nothing is wrong. Its as though she changes from being calm to irritable and argumentive. She doesn't like being touched and it's been a year and half, even months before she was pregnant. (so that's not it) But, maybe its my fault that I didn't leave before then... I've talked to family and friends (who are more than willing to let me know when I'm at fault)and they've said that to try counselling. that she's taken me for granted. That the person who is least interested in maintaining the relationship dominates it. I had to argue with her about giving counselling a chance, she said she wasn't against yet gave me reasons for why she didn't want to do it. Saying that "that's for f*cking looney bins." and then "I'll say yes, if it will shut you up." I don't even ask about it all the time..She said she would not "pawn" off our son on relative, just so we could have a night out together. She then says that I put my needs over my son... But I'm feeding him, keeping track of how much medicine he needs to take, informing her of when he needs to take it. I do suggest things to do as a family. Yet she says she's not trying to say I'm a bad father...The only thing I"m concerned about is : If we split up will she let me be a part of my son's life? I've toughed it out from pregnancy uptil 6 1/2 months after that. I feel that it would be better for us to seperate, so that our son isn't dealing with conflict. I'm going to be in his life, but I don't have to be with his mother...She acts like she wants to change but, she still snaps at me just for not kissing her right...criticizes my clothing (I don't like that on you) seriously...this isn't working for me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2009): nope. as long as you're not into drugs or criminal activity, she cant keep you from your son. and if you want to break up with her I would suggest that you find an afforable lawyer, and right after you break up with her immediately file for joint/shared custody and before hand you should obtain affidavits from family ,freiends and neighbors, that can attest to your being a good father, this will go a long way in securing shared custody of your son!!!! Good luck
A
female
reader, blueyedgirl +, writes (3 November 2009):
 Whether you are with his mother or not you have a right as well as an obligation to be a part of your son's life. If you are concerned that she won't allow it then I would suggest having something set up legally with the costody and support of your son. I believe as long as you pay child support, she has to allow you to see him (or visa versa). Also, never pay child support with cash, if she ever tries to tell that you don't pay it, you need to have proof, bank records, etc. I hope that you and your gf are able to work things out, but if you can't, do whatever it takes to be a dad to your son! Good Luck!!
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