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female
age
51-59,
*emé'oono
writes: Sometimes we find what we are not looking for. My husband and I were in an alternative lifestyle, we were swingers. Well, we have been married for 17 years and had been doing that for 15 of those years. It has always ALWAYS been just fun on the side. It always cemented my feelings for my husband and how much we belong together. That was, until this year...when out of nowhere, I met my soul mate. Before this, his wife was (and still is) my best friend and he was just her husband. It's such a long story...they found out we were swingers and we had an experience together. It was fun and I felt a connection to him but it didn't scare me or anything. Then there was a kiss in the kitchen that swept me off of my feet. I felt something in me just change...almost immediately. We continued to hang out as friends with heavy flirting always going on but there was just something there with him. One day, he approached me and the look in his eyes took my breath away. He said "We need to talk." I couldn't have agreed more but was so scared so I just shook my head and said "Yes, we do." We met, we talked. He told me that there had never been someone in his life that he needed to be around that his soul missed when they weren't around. I had felt those same things. When I knew he was coming over, I was anxious. I longed to occupy the same space as him. It was unexplainable to me. I loved my husband. This was insane.I bit the bullet and called him one night when I was all alone. We talked on the phone for 4 hours. I HATE TALKING ON THE PHONE!! We shared things that neither of us have EVER shared with anyone else. I felt like he already knew me. Nothing was shocking, nothing was scary. It was ALL right. The next night, instead of calling...we took the ultimate step for two people married to others. He came to see me. It was sheer passion. There was no sex involved that first night, there was just love. I just had to feel him next to me, I had to occupy his space. Just feel his proximity. We lay next to each other, completely clothed and just talked, reveled in the fact that we were where we belonged. It felt so right.That was almost a year ago. We have since had one relationship with each other and carried on our lives as normal with our spouses. We make love when the opportunity presents itself, we email each other daily. We are with each other any chance that we have. It's torture, sweet torture, but torture nonetheless. However, we have vowed that our spouses will never pay the price for our love. His wife, my best friend, tell's everyone that we are soul mates. She knows, my husband knows but they don't know to what level we are in love. They call us the wonder twins. We eat the same, we laugh at jokes that nobody else gets. But nobody knows...how can we tell them? It's not their faults. They are both such good people and love us so much in the only way they know how. This kind of love is beyond their capacity, in truth it's beyond 99% of the worlds capacity. But they have done nothing wrong. Our families shouldn't have to pay for our happiness should they? This thing that we have found is what is written about in romance novels. The love that everyone calls fantasy. It's real, it's out there and I wish with all of my soul that I could grab it and run away. But that isn't fair...is it?? This is what I struggle with.If, for some reason, I ever wind up alone...I will NEVER marry again unless it is to him. I will wait for him until he is free or until I die. I truly feel that one day we will be together. That thought alone is what keeps me happy. Knowing that I have had the opportunity to experience a love like this and know that it is out there...how can I want more??My question is this...I want to be with him so much but I don't want to hurt my husband, my daughter, my friend, his kids...am I doing the right thing by swallowing my personal desire for them? Should I grab what I know will make me happy for the rest of my life or should I stay where I am, where only I will be the unhappy one? Will I regret not being with my soul mate? Will I resent my husband because I made a choice that he knows nothing about? My soul mate and I don't think we should leave...because if we leave for each other will we then resent each other for that decision and what it does to our kids or our spouses?? We both want it to happen if it's supposed to...but is that possible? Will these unresolved feelings cause me to sabotage my marriage without even knowing it?? PLEASE HELP! I need advice and I can't talk to anyone!!
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female
reader, hemé'oono +, writes (5 June 2007):
hemé'oono is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well, if any of you care, we are still together in the only sense of the word that we can be, and I still love him with all of my heart. We are still following the 'Love will find a way if we just let it' attitude. We don't intend to intentionally hurt anyone but we both feel that our love will endure anything. I truly believe we will someday, somehow wind up together.All I can envision is a life that ends with him...somehow. It seems hopeless but with a love like this, anything is possible.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2007): You've messed everything up and hurt everyone you pretend to care about by allowing these feelings to develop. Also you were in the lifestyle and should have known better.
You obvioulsy know the right answer for everyone, break it off immediately and ask forgiveness of your husband.
But, someone dumb enough to get into this situation isn't likely make the correct choices to get out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2007): As someone who believes in God as was referenced in this post...I said to not use his name to support or lay claim that what one does is justified or excused by him.
Take ownership of your own actions and words.
Christianity is yet another label that is very limiting to most faiths where they Have Jesus or God as the centre or cornerstone of it. Add to it the many negative connotations and how History (that in itself is scewered and convoluted...so agreed that truth is up to the individual and that it will manifest itself as Peace being the most evident...which can not be faked or emulated by any sources but does come from a divine source) ill paints, cover ups, or misdirects and misinforms the masses as most people rely on what is heard and taught and very rarely will seek it out by their own research and investigation.
So it was nice to read your input but again...I am who I am and I can, and have, and will continue to draw a line when someone dares to speak of My Heavenly Father in such a manner.
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A
female
reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (12 January 2007):
 I was in a very popular hot springs last year and decided that the water in the cooling tank which was only 110 degrees deserved a visit. Now several of the big strong men had all jumped over there from time to time on a dare....hissed counted to ten and jumped back over to the regular pool. I entered quietly and settled to my neck comfortably. After a few minutes, they began to tell me how hot the water was. More time went by and a few of them tried to join me. Finally, they asked me what I thought I was doing....
I smiled placidly and said the christian part of my soul is preparing for it's afterlife. They laughed. I continued.....The buddhist part of my soul is seeking enlightenment and needs extra fuel for the trip. And the witch in me is reliving the glory days of christian belief.
What does this story have to do with anything?
There are many paths to follow and many ways of seeing truth. Not all truth is truthful for everyone just as not all colors are blue.
Telling someone that their life does not live up to your standards is not the same thing as answering their question. Just because the water is to hot for you does not mean it is too hot for me. Just because I enjoyed the hot water does not mean the men who did not enjoy it were wrong for saying it was too hot. We all knew the truth, but the truth was different for each of us.
For you Malyce, your truth is yours, but not hers.
And Heme, I am glad you understood exactly what I was saying.....that if this was truly your "soul mate" it will present itself in such a way that it will not devastate all those loved ones around you by it's being.
And you are most free to use any entity you wish to speak to....I don't believe any of them Own the direct line....if any of them do.....ask them why they have not requested copies of the lost texts from the library at Alexandria to be faxed to them....and if they have them....could they email them to me? (or could it be even christians make mistakes?)
(for you youngsters...it is a joke referring to the fact that the Christians set fire to a great library in the city of Alexandria...and most of the medical knowledge, farming, mathematics, building techniques... all the knowledge of the ancient world was lost and we have just recently advanced sufficiently that we have recovered some of it....but still not all. It was a great blow to learning and set us back to the stone age practically....also known as the DARK AGES....when people told other people what God wanted them to do....which usually involved working and starving for the masses...and bounty for those who interpreted what God needed next. Anyone who, say, proved that the earth was not flat....either said what the church wanted or they murdered him....for the Lord of course.)
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female
reader, hemé'oono +, writes (4 January 2007):
hemé'oono is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMalyce?? Weren't you excused?? I could swear that you were. Yep, it's right there in black and white. You were. However, since God appointed you His judge that makes all the difference in the world. NOT!!! You take care of your sins and I will take care of mine. Me and the big guy upstairs talk about this often. I know good and well how HE feels.
I can see where your advice might be helpful on this message board. Maybe to someone searching for something you know a little about. Perhaps something like being bitter, judgemental and argumentative...unfortunately, your advice has no merit on this particular topic.
I didn't ask if I was going to heaven here nor what the payment for my sins would be...I asked if I should leave a marriage for true happiness. Somewhere amidst all of your haranguing you finally said I should since I'm not going to stop the affair. Thanks for finally getting around to that. For some reason though...I doubt this will be your final word on the matter.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2007): There is no way that God blesses this union.
Marriage is between a Husband and Wife with God being present in blessing it. God wants Men and Women to join together in Marriage and to honor their vows to one another. He promises to bless such a union with posterity and happiness and it doesn't just happen.
When you ask of him to become stronger and more understanding...he doesn't just give it to you...it has to come with a life's lesson hard earned.
You aren't married to this man and don't put this affair on the Lord as you are two grown, accountable adults. This is the both of your decision and how you are governing yourselves is your agency.
I have said you are abusing your agency and committing adultery and I will not excuse you or absolve you of these two facts.
I have said if it is meant to be...then you end your marriages and marry one another so that you can be properly, lawfully married.
You both need to set the example to your children that adultery is a big time NO NO and that they need to own up to their actions.
Of course this will bring heartache as it wasn't handled the correct way.
You can have your free agency just stop the affair already.
I cautioned you to be wise and to remember that when you signed those papers and married your Husband...you promised to keep your vows and the marriage FIRST.
You haven' and dont' intend to so...
Do what is now right.
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A
female
reader, hemé'oono +, writes (3 January 2007):
hemé'oono is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst of all, thank you to Beentheredonethat. THAT was the kind of answer I needed. Thoroughly thought out by someone who has been there and knows the feelings involved. However, being with this man has changed my course. I don't want to be in the lifestyle anymore. Even though it was a gift in disguise for us it's something that we never want to do anymore. The thought of someone touching me ever again makes me sick to my stomach. I have found something that makes me feel worthy of more. The lifestyle is great, don't get me wrong. I'm just saying that with this mans love, I no longer want that. It's very hard to explain.
Smeedle, thank you for those kind words. I want that more than anyone can know. However, it's not that easy. As much as folks on here want to diparage me for 'being selfish' and just 'having and affair'...I know this is different and that's why I'm here.
This 'honeymoon' has been going on for a year, a year today actually. I know his faults. I have spent hours working by his side on a renovation project. Stress tends to bring out the 'best' in folks. We fight, we argue, he's not perfect and he knows I'm not. We have our moments when I know I could sock him in between his eyes. But I love him so much that we ALWAYS talk it out. We can't do that with our spouses because they don't understand us on the level that we understand each other. We never leave each other angry and BELIEVE ME, we have had some KNOCK DOWN DRAG OUTS. I have seen things about him that would have made my toes curl with anyone else. But with him, they were negotiable things that we worked out. He's a remarkable man, a fantastic father and the most wonderful person I have ever met. There is no denying our chemical attraction but this has gone beyond that.
WillyWombat, you said 'This kind of love only exsists in books, films and at the beginning of relationships.' That is why I say that most people don't believe this exists, they truly can't fathom it. I have explained our love to him in those exact words. I have read about this, I have seen it in movies but for it to actually be possible to happen...it never occured to me. But, I'm telling you, those books and films have basis. They have merit. When I watch them or read them now I have a true connection to them. I KNOW what it means now. I tell him all the time that he's my swashbuckling hero. He just laughs at me. He already farts in bed and yawns in my face and breathes his morning dragon breath on me and yet, all I see is the man that I could love forever. I don't see this as an affair, I do know I am 'cheating' on my husband in every normal sense of the word...but this feels right. Things just fall into place for us to be together. When we need us time, for some reason, we get it. I call it a blessing, he calls it fate. We are supposed to be together. I just know it in my heart.
I just don't know if my happiness is worth what it will cost. And I think that Beentheredonethat said it best when she said 'because I can promise you that if you Do make a selfish decision....it will eventually break you and your soul mate apart'. If we are supposed to be together, God will make a way so that no one gets hurt. What we have is too special to jeopardize.
Thank you all so much for your input. Most of it was very helpful.
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A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (31 December 2006):
 So to clarify, you have lived an alternative lifestryle with your husband for 15 years. Then you overstepped the boundaries of conventional society and had an 'experience' with your best friend and her husband. NOW, this guy who was 'only her husband' is now YOUR soul mate? Based on what, a couple of phone calls and a chemical connection whilst ahving sex.
I will not judge (well, not always) a person for falling in love elsewhere when they have been neglected or fallen out of love with their other half. But in this case sweetie I think you and he are delluding yourselves!
This kind of love only exsists in books, films and at the beginning of relationships. The honeymoon period, the connection point. It is this overwhelming feeling which creates the intial connection that bonds two people. IF you truely feel this was about each other then you are both being emotionally unfaithful to your respective other halves - even without the physical stuff being taken into account.
To be honest you are the classic 'seedy' affair scenario. We 'couldn't help it' we 'fell in love', and to be honest you are no freind to his wife. If you where why would you ahve given in to your lust and desires by picking up the phone that day and calling him. Why do this to your husband and your friend?
If you must be with him, remember this, in time too he will scratch his b*lls in public, stink out the bathroom and fart in bed! It happens within all relationships. But that is the point of true love....staying faithful to the person you made a vow too. And if you need out giving them the respect they deserve and not trying to make yourself feel better with platitudes!
I wish you all the best and courage to make the corerect choices for you.
Good luck in the future.
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2006): Hmmm.
Hypocrites. So long as you live by your own morals and standards...you will not become a hypocrite.
Is that a fair statement?
I dont' like hypocrites as it is a form of dishonesty; that whole To Thine Own Self Be True.
Of course I don't agree with your lifestyle and it is a choice but not one I would make which can be easily discernable by my bold statements.
This does not say I have less wisdom; I just know what I want and what will make me happy and living my life by a higher standard than most is what does it for me.
I have conviction and this doesn't make me wrong or evil or stupid.
So self awareness...more people need this; is that what you may mean in place of certain people who govern themselves by a certain code dictated by ethics and their "counterfeit wisdom"?
More often than not those who take offense and decide to defend another's actions usually, themselves, are doing acting or living the same way. So you are personalizing this a bit.
But I am sure this does not factor into this at all.
Wisdom comes with living your life by excercising decisions and owning the consequences.
Fair to say?
So those who live by set standards and rely on said standards/values/morals/ethics/code have also learnt by the outcomes what will bring lasting happiness and not temporal happiness.
Perhaps such individuals such as myself just aren't as clueless as you would like to believe but...just keep believing what you will as we don't want to upset your happiness.
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A
female
reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (31 December 2006):
the other Morally decrepit one speaks....big smile.
Ok...I love my husband...I adore my boyfriend and I am in love with my other boyfriend.....All three of them are my soul mate.....I would not like living without any of them. (though I could for the greater good of any one of them)
Now on the other hand....things have not always been as rosy as they are now....It has taken a great deal of work....
And Christmas was very weird for my Mother this year....with my three hubbys about...joking, cooking and laughing in the kitchen.
fortunate for her...none of the hubbys girlfriends could make it.
We are not Swingers exactly...we do our hunting separately because couples are just too hard to find...usually a really pretty chick and her bozo who believes deodorant was a fad.....or a great guy...and a Chicky who did not learn that drinking until you puke is less than attractive. Anyway, I am possibly uniquely qualified for this question....
Soul mate VS. Chemicals
There are many people in the world who could be your soul mate....(in my case several at once)
what makes us love? first it's chemicals....just plain and simple...but also what we TELL ourselves about that person. People can say that you can't help who you fall in love with.....of course you can. If you don't obsess and think sweet little fantasies about them and work to keep that chemical rush flooding your system....you don't fall in love. Love can still grow over time....but you don't Have to fall in love with anyone.
And personally...I hope that Not EVERYONE has a soul mate....There are some really sick people out there....and if some entity put just one person on earth for each of us....I would be sending the girlfriends and boyfriends of all the serial murderers to prison as well. And their mothers and dads...just in case.
Are you doing the right thing by staying?
Of Course you are. Real true love means that you could give them up, send them away, or never see them again...If it was for the best. True love does not mean....taking what you want at the expense of others. You have the perfect world...you have your darling husband who adores you so much he wants to give you what ever you desire...including the man your chemicals are all hot for right now....Hooraaayyyyy!
But Realise....right now you two are at the stage where you see everything the same, dwell on how you read each others thoughts and minds and mirror one another....all couples go through this stage.(and yes it can be horribly powerful and confuse the heck out of you)
It is learned as little babies before speech...he picks up the sand and throws it...you pick up the sand and throw it...bam instant friends. Now in adults it's a little more complex....but the same principles apply.
Believe it or not...there was a time when I slightly harbored the idea that one of the boyfriends and I were really more in line mentally...both of us have degrees out the Wazooo...love antiques...paint...he's just as blunt and straightforward as I am...we get each other and respect each others strength and inner conflicts. When he got divorced....it did change the dynamics of us a bit. (oh and no I had nothing to do with it...I wished for him that his wife would wake up and love him....she was a fool)
I knew I loved him...but if at any moment HE could find his way back into her heart...I knew I would be happy FOR him. Now in this process...(he's a councilor)...he was making My marriage stronger and more healthy then ever before. I could have decided that he and I are two peas in a pod and we should give it a go.....but that would hurt people who have no choice in the decision....and that is one of the first cardinal rules of Swingers/Players...............Hurt no one if possible.
You have a fabulous marriage and children...that is where your loyalty lies. It is not like you will never see him...your spouses approve..........eyes open in shock.....how cool is THAT! So keep him in a special place in your heart....and let it grow deep without hurting the others you love........because I can promise you that if you Do make a selfish decision....it will eventually break you and your soul mate apart.....Seeing the hurt in the eyes of your families...best friends....spouses.....will never make it worth stealing a little happiness. Just know that maybe someday...this person has been set aside for you....maybe for you to lean on, or him to lean on you.....but don't turn this beautiful thing into something that causes pain for so many.....Your head is in charge if you chose for it to be.
What has happened is not Wrong or evil unless you make it that way....enjoy what you have...but just don't hang your world on it.
Wishing you luck and wisdom
And all those judges out there.....well....sigh...I wish you wisdom.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2006):
Wow what a romantic and lovely story of what amounts to nothing more than infidelity and cheating. You are breaking your marriage vows and destroying other peoples lives, no matter how much you wish to dress it up with notions of soul mates and love you are cheating on someone you supposidely love.
I love how people without consciously even noticing manage to twist and manipulate a situation so that it "fits in" with what they want. You're not keeping your affair a secret for any honourable love or respect for your partners or family, you're keeping it a secret because you are ashamed and know it is wrong, you're cowards to afraid of being honest.
If you two really are meant to be, then perhaps ending your marriages, and being truthful to those you say you love is the first step in making things right.
Whilst you are living a lie you will never have a proper relationship in the way you think it is. But perhaps it is not a proper relationship - perhaps what makes it so special is that it is just a secret affair? True "soul mates" wouldn't continue living out a secret relationship like yours - they'd give up what they have to be with each other. just my opinion.
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A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (29 December 2006):
 Having read your question, I felt sad that you cannot be together due to the hurt that you will give to everyone around you, then I had a coffee came back and now think that you must be together, you love each other and have something that we all want but very few of us get it and like me, many of us "make do" with what we have because following our dreams and desire`s are oftern destructive to others around us and so we so the right thing and let love, real love with passion pass us by.
Follow your heart and go for it, do it soon as there will never be a right time. good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2006): And thank you for taking notice that I am a strange person. *beams smile*
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2006): I'm not on here to pick fights...if that were the case...I would be having them non stop.
Not everyone likes to be chastized. Not everyone can take when someone is giving them a reality slap upside the head.
Sometimes...it is necessary.
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (28 December 2006):
I admire anyone who can stand up to have their own opinions counted, but not when they disparage others for having thiers. Please can we offer advice on this forum, not nastiness. Ok, I have been sarcastic at times, but just because the question asker has a different lifestyle choice to your own malyce doesn't give you the right to disparage. Give ADVICE not CRITICISM.
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female
reader, hemé'oono +, writes (28 December 2006):
hemé'oono is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMalyce~
You are one strange person and YOU MY DEAR are wrong. You posted double time and didn't wait to see what anyone else had to say in between so you missed my last answer to your question.
Selfish? Me mode? Show me where ANY of this is about what I want? That is the whole freeking question MY DEAR. I want to know if I am right for staying. Will it punish him more than if I left because I don't love him as much as someone else MY DEAR.
Somewhere along the way you either aren't reading what was written or have just been stringing me along so that you could finally tell me that you think I am a cheating spouse and 'morally arrested'...
I have agreed with pretty much everything you have said EXCEPT the fact that I NOW believe in one true soul mate.
You are now just trying to pick a fight and that isn't what I came here for. I came here for sound advice. You think I should swallow it and stay with my husband. Thank you, the sound advice you have given has been taken into consideration. You may now move on to some other question and blast them for being a cheating spouse. You are excused.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2006): Oh...to answer you question; not that you will care or even truly consider it as you are now in ME mode.
As a Mother who truly desires all that is good for her children, all that will bring them lasting happiness...it requires one to be selfless.
You my dear, are selfish.
To be the best parent you can be and the best wife is to sacrifice.
There will be times where you will have a choice put before you and it is your desire to keep your promises and vows and commitment that will truly define what it means to own the most important titles of all, WIFE and MOTHER.
To lead by example and teach your children that to run from responsibilities, break promises, undo vows for the sake of YOUR lust and YOUR "happiness" is not ever going to be a good enough reason to destroy your marriage and family.
Yes, what you are doing will bring this upon you and your family. You are bring such misery, heartache, and strive into you home where you children reside and your Husband...that is such a wonderous station of life and such an honorable title to call him.
HUSBAND. Such power, respect, admiration, love and all other admireable and righteous traits wrapped up into one word. Three other words that should instill awe in others are WIFE, CHILDREN, FAMILY.
If you came on here and told me Husband was violently abusive to you and your children, that Husband committed adultery time and again, that Husband was a horrid Father and horrid Husband and the vilest of creatures...well then you should have FIRST divorced him BEFORE finding another AVAILABLE, SINGLE man in whom to develop love, faith, and trust in. And then you could be "justified" or "absolved" of what you are choosing to continue.
What you have is a sorrid affair. "SOUL MATES" would uphold to living with HONESTY, RESPECT, FIDELITY, HARD WORK and KEEPING VOWS AND COMMITMENTS to one another and to their FAMILIES.
The both of you are failing your families for the sake of an excuse of being "soul mates"...and you aren't even living it.
Do what is right.
Make a bloody choice and maybe you will get somewhere.
Just remember to be accountable for the outcome of your decision.
You haven't done this because deep down inside; you know that the married dude wouldn't even think to leave his wife for you.
You are both morally arrested people.
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A
female
reader, hemé'oono +, writes (28 December 2006):
hemé'oono is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMalyce~I truly understand what you mean by that. I thought that I had met so many special people in my life that 'soul mates' covered so much territory. But then, this hit me.
Earlier you said 'hatched from the same egg.' We have had that comparison made. Not between he and I but from our spouses. They have said that we are some alien experiment gone haywire because he is 3 years younger than me. But I'm telling you, it's not just in my mind. We read each others minds, have thoughts that we KNOW the other is thinking and look at each other and just start laughing. Our spouses are just used to it and it isn't threatening to them. It's just how we are.
I do have free agency but there~in lies my inner struggle. Is MY happiness worth the unhappiness of 6 other people? Is it worth having what I want to make me happy if it's at the cost of hurting those that we care about? I'm not saying that I don't love my husband because I do. But it is not an all consuming, burn your soul kind of love. It's what I thought love was though. I had read about soul mates and that all consuming love but thought 'peeshaw it can't get any better than what I have with my husband. This is it.' Boy was I wrong. But I would have been right behind you agreeing with almost everything you have written before this. I can only disagree now because it has hit me like a ton of bricks.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2006): I think I may have thought people could make the inference that:
1) Life is chalk full of second chances. That you don't just have one true mate out there because if you don't happen upon him/her or things go awry with that supposed individual-that you blew it; doesn't leave much hope for the 99% of the populace now does it? I like to be a romantic in the sense that life is what you make it and what you put into a relationship can be given tenfold back and that depends on the other now doesn't it?
This is where that whole trust and faith in another begins to make things murky as not all are trustworthy and reliable. And not all desire this or even want it.
Free agency.
2)That we all have free agency; the right to choose and with this...we get to decide how much we will love, how much we are willing to do to make love grow, keep it growing and keep it strong and alive. Marriage takes commitment and two active people both working on the commitment and both wanting it. It takes but one person to say goodbye. And that is scary but...well worth the sacrifice don't you think?
To be love and be loved.
3) That if we are self aware and know what we desire in this life; what matters and we strive for true happiness...we will find it.
A real and alive blessing.
4) This is a gift for every person that walks this Earth. Every being that heart beats, that breaths and lives...all will have the oppurtunity to experience such a love, a connection if they but choose it.
So soul mates...I find it so limiting.
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A
female
reader, hemé'oono +, writes (28 December 2006):
hemé'oono is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMalyce, unfortunately I used to feel the same as you. THAT is how I know that 99% of the population does not have the capacity for this. It has to happen to you. If it doesn't then you don't have any clue as to what you are talking about. When that one person walks into your life then we can talk. I swear, I didn't know something like this existed. It amazed me. I hope someday you feel it but I hope it isn't when you aren't able to do something about it. That's the hard part. But I wouldn't trade it for the world.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2006): Soulmates...yah right!
I don't believe there is such a thing. To me it sounds like we would have to be hatched from the same egg.
I think that you as a person are endowed with many talents and gifts and one of them is your capacity to give and recieve love. It is in this which will determine how strongly you feel for one and if it is reciprocated...thus the allusion of "Soul Mate".
I think when you find someone you can relatively relate to and who desires to listen to you, support you, understand you, and who wants to be there in all times...good,profound,easy, bad, dark, scary...that is the one person with whom you should be vunerable with; to expose yourself flaws and all. It is the greatest gift to be appreciated for who you truly are and who can see
you for who you desire to become.
I don't think one person is pre-ordained to be this for you. I think you have to put your all into creating such a tie to another.
As far as I know; I have only been hatched from one single egg.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2006): To Anon below - this is their lifestyle choice. What you are saying is just as bad as saying that if someone's religion is not inline with yours, then they are evil and damned. Rather than condemn her with her lifestyle choice, and say a whole bunch of rubbish remarks, why don't you give some constructive advice rather than things that have no bearing on the question itself? There are better suited sites that offer debate. I suggest you haul your ass there and pour your heart's desire instead.
As for Hemé'oono, I understand your plight. The concept of your relationship with your husband and that of this other man, is in-tuned with the trial and errors of dating and marriage.
Off-topic for a sec here - I do not believe in one soul mate and rather in a set of soul mates, having one or more of them more vivid in compatibility and connection which in turn can represent the 'true' one(s).
With that out of the way, I think you will regret not being with your soul mate. I know it's selfish and it makes you feel guilty in thinking about possibly hurting others like your hubby, his kids, etc, but that's the thing with love - it's a selfish emotion. Mind you, I'm not going to debate the "selfish love" concept here. Come to my forums or do it at DC's own instead.
You know your choices, and no one here can really tell you what you should do, but I can tell you in clarity what you can do:
1. speak with your husband about your dilemma, and hope that he may understand and go after your soul mate - keep the lines of communication unblocked, keep your feelings sincere and honest
2. stay with your hubby, create possible resentment and family decay
3. stay with your hubby, have affair with friend
4. don't speak with husband, leave him, go with friend, cause havoc in family and create strained relationships with everyone
5. ask your soul mate what he thinks is best option
Remember, love without happiness isn't really love. Though love may incorporate 'sacrificing' oneself's happiness, it doesn't necessarily translate to causing oneself's happiness to destruct over a lifetime. There is a balance in everything you can do. Weigh them and make a choice, always think that your happiness is just as important as other's welfare. In other words, there is a chain of events that happen with every 'choice' you make, whether the initial action is a positive one or a negative one.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2006): Wow, I think you are really full of yourself, that you have found love that less than 1% of the population experiences, what a bunch of crap! What you describe ia a classic aldulterous affair based in stolen moments and a romance that has none of the baggage of real life like a mortgage and kids.
What you describe is the number one reason that the swinger lifestyle is destructive to marriages and the kids pay for your indulgent hedonistic narcissistic life style when you fall out of love with your husband and fall in lust with someone else...you deserve each other....you are both falling hook line and sinker for each others bull, he won't leave his life and wife because he would ruing your relationship with resentment? I have a piece of swamp land I want you to purchase in Florida, what is your number?
I am sorry that you are less intelligent than you give yourself credi for.
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