A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am currently in a relationship with a man, living together. The problem comes in that my ex girlfriend needs to leave her current boyfriend (he's abusive and they have a child, he's even made the child cry.) And I love her, as much, if not more than the man I am with. I want to help her. When she was pregnant, and the abuse was apparent, I told her, if she left him then, I would sell all my things, and move and take care of her and the child. I am at a loss for what to do.I don't want her to fall for it when he comes apologizing. I have been in abusive relationships before, and I know, how deeply it scars, and how easy it is to get pulled back in by someone you care for. I've only been living with my significant other for a couple months. Together for about a year.I'm torn between these two.I know part of the fact I'm so... Lost over this, is because a child is involved, and how deep I was in love with her. (She's the only person I wanted to marry...) I'm not planning on trying to get into a relationship with her now, but I know if I go to help her, I cannot be here, and there would be no coming back. Any suggestions..?
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (28 August 2009):
 Rescuing a person isn't usually a good basis for a relationship. If you have always been bi or gay, then "taking care" of someone else isn't going to repress your sexuality. It will come out in the long haul, and this woman, who you love, AND her child will be in trouble AGAIN! I know that you love her, but love sometimes isn't enough.
Your live-in love has every right to complain if you are see-sawing between the two of them, constantly unhappy. I'm thinking that you have to decide that the love/sexual part of the relationship is in the past, and try to HELP her by being a good and loyal friend (who is loyal to his partner at home too). The TWO of you, you and your partner, should try to help her out and get her away from this guy - but by NO means, should you bring them into your home. That would be a disaster. If she needs transportation and help packing, help. She needs to be back in her parents home instead of bouncing around - that's in the best interest of the child as well.
You sound like you really have her best interests at heart. XXX
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