A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now. We met when we were both working abroad over the summer, and when the summer ended we decided to keep things going even though he lives in Holland and myself in England. With the help of Skype and cheap flights we make it work and see each other a minimum of once a month, but as I’m sure anyone who’s ever had a long distance relationship will tell you - it’s still very hard. i've just graduated from university and am currently studying my pgce. As long as i can remember I’ve wanted to teach. It was always the plan that when i graduated i would move abroad and teach in Holland, as its his dream to take over his father’s company which he will do in around 2 years. i know it sounds naive but i honestly thought I’d graduate and be able to walk into a job in an international school. but this past week I’ve been properly looking into it and its not that easy. All the international schools require 3 years teaching experience in order to even be considered for employment, and as I don’t speak Dutch working in a main stream school isn’t an option. all of this makes me think that moving to Holland isn’t an option unless i want to abandon my dream completely and become something low skilled like a cleaner where I wouldn’t have to speak dutch. Having another 4 years of long distance fills me with absolute despair, and even then there no guarantee there would be a job available after that time even with experience. this isn’t something i really want to do. im from a low income family and am the first to ever go to university. growing up the way i did made me want better and ive worked exceptionally hard to be where i am now. being constantly bullied in a rough school for wanting to work, working an almost full time job to pay for university - its been a struggle and i don’t want to waste that. but the trouble is i love him. completely and utterly madly in love with him. i always thought he was the man i would marry, which is why this decision between love or career is so hard. If anyone could give me any advice on this I would be really grateful. Thank you
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009): Imagine: if the two of you were already married, what would you do?
Married couples face the same troubles when it comes to career. Often they have children on top of it. One partner looses his or her job, they need to relocate to find a new job, the other might not find a great job there etc. And on top of everything you'll have to move the kids out of school and into a new environment etc.
At least, you two don't have kids yet to concern yourselves with. So there is a plus side to this. Things could always be more difficult. As far as career goes. In a year you will still be as smart. And a low-paid job as a cleaning lady isn't that bad. You'd learn the language and be with the man you love at the same time! Im just saying. You'll still be a smart cookie in a year. And after one year in Holland, you might even use your brains to learn the language, so that you could work perhaps as an English teacher?
Look into other options. They will come along I am sure. Don't limit yourself to thinking the only experience in life worth gaining will be one related to your desired field of work. You said your boyfriend wants to take over the family business? What does the family business do, and can't you work there for the next year or so until you learn the language?
Learning the language is essential if you want to live in Holland. Yes you could work at an international school, but you'd also have to go to the shop and buy bread every now and then. So language is useful. As well as you'd need the language when talking to his old granny at your wedding.
Im saying that you should relax. What's there to do in Holland (preferably in the city your love lives in) that could be interesting? Take a year or so, learn the language, earn some experiences. Then after spending more time with him, perhaps you want to take the work-related experience abroad, but by then you have had some time to re-charge the relationship so that one more year apart wont be as restraining.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009): HI,
Can you teach english in Holland to native Dutch speakers? Would that be a way to get at least part of your 3 years experience in? The language barrier is a small obstacle, or should I say "challenge," that you can easily overcome. Just a thought.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (13 December 2009):
I am going to give you practical advice and will get shot down by a few unrealistic people but here goes: your boyfriend is an heir to possibly a decent company? You already have a first degree. If I were you, I would join the Open University or the University of London distance degree programmes and do my PGCE through correspondence. Then I would move to Holland. I would ask if your boyfriend can let you live with him so that you don't have rent to pay, then I would go and work as an entry level volunteer at a shelter or start off as a volunteer unpaid teacher's assistant at a school in the area. 2 of the best jobs I have had, have started off as a volunteer then they realize how brilliant you are then when you try to leave thy won't let you go. And they start paying you You can also work as an au pair for a Dutch family's kids or volunteer to teach extra English for struggling kids at a local after schools programme or be advertise in the local paper as a homework tutor/babysitter or join an agency that seeks such. To start with, you might not get much work but if you work hard then word will get around. You just have to be tenacious. If he might inherit a company that is successful, with your background I would move and get my foot in there. I don't think Elin Nordegren, despite the shit she is dealing with with Tiger Woods ever regretted her billion dollar decision to move to America as a nanny/au pair. Google some au pair agencies and see what you can find. But reminder: don't stop your education. Even if this guy marries you, keep at it. Do your Masters and maintain a level of independence. Men can not be trusted indefinitely. So have a back up plan in case it doesnt work. Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009): I agree with marieclaire if you give up your dream, you will be thinking what if maybe not now but later on. I would go for your dream and do as you have been doing with the LDR, I know it's hard, but think of the reward at the end of it.
You could go over every summer and get some holiday work, that way you get to spend a few months together each year.
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