A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm going through a very difficult time right now.I started dating this guy in May 2009 - we hit it off right away, fell in love quickly and before we knew it, we were each other's lives. I'd never been so happy before, I thought he was perfect and our relationship was excellent - we never fought and all we cared about was each other.However, he went to university early last year, and that changed our relationship. He became wrapped up in his studies to the point where I felt neglected. My feelings for him weren't as intense as they used to be either - I understand that this is because the honeymoon stage was coming to a close, but the fact that I felt he didn't care really added to it. I have some issues with my home life that I used to discuss with him, yet when we drifted apart I felt I couldn't turn to him with them. There was another guy who I turned to in this time of need for support - he could relate to me about these issues and always listened to me. It was naive of me to turn to him though, as I found out he liked me later on.Anyway, my boyfriend and I broke up in August 2010. The arguing got too much, and a lot of the trust was diminished between us by me turning to the other guy for advice. To cut a long story short, I rebounded with this guy for three months despite my intuition telling me that it didn't feel right the entire time. My ex also got into another relationship although it only lasted a month or so.I broke it off with the rebound, and my ex and I started talking again funnily enough. Following a blissful reunion, we got back together and the first few weeks were fine - except we shortly fell back into the same patterns, and we started arguing worse than ever. This is where it gets complicated.He's an extremely caring person. This post gives a bit of background info - http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-should-i-do-with-a-boyfriend-who.htmlI found myself getting annoyed at him when he didn't do anything but try and please me. I put it down to him being overly emotional and clingy. He tells me he loves me and would do anything for me, and the thing is, I care about him so much but I don't know if I feel love for him. I don't look into his eyes and think that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Tonight we had a disagreement as usual (we have a disagreement/argument basically every day), and he said himself that he doesn't know what to do about us anymore. It's stressing the both of us out and making us miserable, particularly him because I'm not showing him the affection he desires. So I said that I don't think we should continue our relationship - he always says we have to communicate and work on it, but how long can it go on? We spend so much time communicating and working on it that I don't enjoy his company anymore. Ending things was extremely difficult - I walked away crying, he was obviously very cut by it too although he rarely shows his emotions.Intellectually we are on very different levels as well, and that always gets to me - I consider myself to be a somewhat intellectual person, I'm interested in topics such as philosophy, literature, etc, but he has absolutely no grasp of such things. However, emotionally, he is very mature and I am so worried I will never find someone like this again. He has always been here to support me and I know that he cares for me very very much.I'm not handling this break up well at all. Despite my initiating it, it feels as though he's the one who rejected me - I feel miserable and lonely. I'm scared I made the wrong choice even though we weren't happy together - he's so willing to work things out and communicate...I'm confused because I've been doubting my feelings for him for a while, yet if I didn't love him why is letting him go so immensely hard? Please help. I don't know what to do. I want to call him and talk to him right now so badly, he's going on holiday for a week starting tomorrow though so maybe I should wait until then? Or do I just let it go?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (8 January 2011):
 Well it sounds to me like if you were having doubts then there is something wrong with the relationship. You say you were both disagreeing everyday. That is not a healthy relationship and its best you are apart. Also he felt you didnt show him the love he needed therefore it will never work out. You are both obviously very different people and your personalities clash. Nobody is in the wrong it just sounds to me like you and him are not meant to be together.
Off course you are going to find it hard now that he is not in your life. It just means that he was a part of your life for so long and now you miss him but you need to remember why you finished with him and keep thinking of that. It sounds to me like you just arent both going to be able to work it out therefore i dont think you should contact him i think you should just let him go. You will get over him in the long run.
Goodluck.
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