A
female
age
26-29,
*elenabeauty
writes:So my ex is currently in jail has been in there for a year already and looking at 3 to 4 years the most but could be out by the end of this year if his bond gets lowered .. He has been calling me everyday from the jail phone and we been talking and getting closer ever since . He's one of the exs I didn't end up hating we always kept in contact and always had a good friendship . Hes making all these plans with me when he gets out and that he's falling inlove with me ..I really care and love him to but mind you we are NOT together he's my ex back in middle school . and I want to be with him but Im not 100% sure I won't slip up and have sex with someone else or even talk to someone else .. Am i wrong if I do? and if I do , should I tell him . He told me to tell him no matter what but I feel like it would hurt him and he's already locked up going thru a lot I dnt want to put to much on his plate .. Plz help
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2016): He will not be able to find a job. He will either be placed on probation for the remainder of time not served, or on supervised-release. A sneeze could put him right back where he is.
He should be left to prove he can recoup his dignity, he has paid his debt to society with sincerity; and can assimilate back into society; and become a reformed and model citizen. He does not deserve a girlfriend during this process, and most often you'll live together in despair and poverty. You'll pay all the bills; while he wallows in self-pity and places blame on everybody else.
To even think he is worth waiting for is showing you have low self-esteem. Your loyalty is misplaced, at such a very young age. To even be involved with the criminal-element will tarnish your standing in the community; and can even affect your credibility. Limit your options of employment, and finding decent places to live. I'm sure part of his plans include living with you. Picking up where he left off; as if there was never a breakup, and he never went to jail.
Frankly speaking, this kind of thing is what keeps parents up at night. Young women who dedicate and devote themselves to criminals. Allowing themselves to be pulled down by bad-boy types who derail their upward mobility and stunt their growth. Freaking losers who've made bad choices and always have some lame excuse for it. These poor wayward young women ruin their lives,losing all their hopes and dreams. Usually they end-up a single-mother, struggling by herself; and bringing up another generation of fatherless criminals.
Sweetheart, date whomever you please. The only plans he should be making right now; is how he's going to get himself an education or learn a trade, in order to re-enter society and the workforce.
At a very young age he has already destroyed his future; because few recover after spending so much time in jail. Most often, they have a prior record. They only get out early; because there's little room or money to keep them incarcerated. To be sentenced so long in the first place says he's bad news. Early-out is just tossing him back in society, only to return anyway.
You're no doubt afraid of him. Knowing that no matter what you do, he'll come after you. He's not letting you off the hook too easily. You're in too deep. I speculate that you didn't give all the details; but it's not hard to figure it out.
Why are you calling him an ex, if he's making plans? In other words, he's undoing the breakup when he gets out; and you have no say in the matter. Is this the case?
If you're afraid, get a restraining order! Pronto! Leave the bum right where he is! If you have better prospects, have enough common-sense to go for it without asking other people what you should do; when it's so obvious.
Cut all contact. Go live your life.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2016): are you truly that desperate?
for gods sake he is your EX, and he is in JAIL,!! your EX, this mean you owe him nothing!!
stay away from him, do not call,write or visit! why put yourself through this, you owe him zero!! he is a criminal..
if you feel he may try to contact you when he gets out move, change your name, address, phone number and social media details, forget him and move on, he is NOT your responsibility, leave him alone!
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (14 March 2016):
 hi
an Ex is an Ex for a reason.
By virtue of being an Ex they are not part of your life.
It is normal to cut contact with an Ex anf move on.
An Ex does not need to be informed of what you are doing nor who you are seeing.
An Ex has no right to control what you do nor who you see nor when.
Is he really your Ex or are you still trying to detach from your Ex?
If he was very controlling and demanding when he was not in prison then that is bad news.
If a Judge was so unimpressed with his actions that your ex was sent to jail then there is a good reason why he is there.
If you have concerns about how controlling he is and you want to move on then now is the best oppotunity to do so.
Be aware that he may be able to see far too much of what you are doing now via what his family or visitors may tell him from what is on your existing social media.
If you want to move on and date others then you do have the right to do so.
If you are scared of what he might do to you once he is out of jail then that is even more justification for you to move on and move away and start a new life so that you can connect with new people who are not associated with a guy who is a convicted criminal.
Please put your own well being first and your own safety first at all times.
A controlling Ex is surely the last thing any girl needs to suffer.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 March 2016):
 This ex? http://www.dearcupid.org/question/-how-do-i-determine-if-this-guy.html You mention knowing that ex since middle school there but didn’t mention he was in jail. Was he keeping that from you until just now?
Is he keeps making plans then vanishing, then doing the same thing again, I would assume he’s unreliable, a flake, thinking only of himself and I would take steps as appropriate to remove him as a key player in the love life.
The good news, I think, is that as you are technically single, you can indeed go ahead and explore the full gamut of your sexuality with your female friend: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/questioning-my-sexuality--female--help.html
But of course, as advised on that question, be sure to be clear to the incarcerated ex that he is an ex, you two are NOT together, as you point out here in this question.
I think you are stringing this guy who is in prison along, if you are promising something you aren’t prepared to deliver when he’s released, whenever that is. That being said, this ex sounds like the type to keep several women in the “talking to” category so he may not be as deeply wounded as you might think. Especially as you have not been an item since middle school.
What do your parents think about him? Your best friends? What do they advise?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2016): No don't tell him! never ! As you say he is locked up and must be feeling lonely and bored and hurting so if you tell him any such thing you will only increase his torment.You don't say why he is locked up. Has he committed a violent crime? is he violent ? if so, you must be very careful so you don't draw his wrath.Hope that when he comes out he will be back to normal and accept to be your ex again.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 March 2016):
 Sweetie if you want to be with this guy then you need to be honest with him. If you are seeing other people you need to be honest with them as well.
My advice would be not to wait about for your ex. Be honest with him and tell him you are going to carry on normally with your life, and if that means dating others then you are going to do that. If it upsets him well then he should not have broke the law. If you have sex with someone well no you do not need to tell him, but as long as you make it clear you are not going to be waiting for him and if a date comes up then you might take it.
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