A
male
age
36-40,
*ryingforcomposure
writes:You never really know what you got till its gone....and its soo true. Here's my story, I started dating this girl named Amanda in high school I was 18 and she was sixteen. It started out as a typical teen relationship however I just got out of an 8 month relationship with a girl named Jna and I hadn't even been single for more than a couple of weeks before I started dating Amanda. At the time I was still in love with Jna but I thought that If I go out with another girl it would help me get over her. So the relationship began and its was good very good. I have to admit that in the beginning I treated amanda bad like I would avoid her and not answer her phone calls and wouldn't hangout with her because I wasn't over jna. Amanda stuck around even though I didn't treat her good and I also didn't trust her. I really thought she was cheating on me because all her friends had cheated on their boyfriends and I thought I wasn't good looking enough for amanda. She is sooo beautiful and there is no girl on this planet that is as pretty as she is. I was just a very insecure person and I thought this relationship was just too good to be true. But over time I eventually got over Jna and fell madly in love with Amnda and everything changed. let me tell you, I can't even describe how much I love this girl, she is so perfect in every way, when im with her I feel like I can touch the stars. I love her soo much. Anyway like I said over time our relationship got better and better, my family loved her and her family loved me. Everything was great..up until she left for college. Our relationship went quickly from seeing each other everyday to seeing each other 2-3 times a month and some weekends. It developed into a long distance relationship over the phone. I never really saw her and I quickly became paranoid. My first visit to her college was a real eye opener. She was rushing to get into a sorority and she got into the one she wanted. The weekend I went down to see her college for the first time, her sorority was having a cowboy and cowgirl style party called a barndance. That party was by far the craziest party I had ever been to. There was people having sex all over and it was just crazy. After that weekend those trust issues came back and I started getting very worried. Anyway again time went by and our relationship was having ups and downs and it was just hard when I couldn't see her when I wanted to. Thanksgiving break rolled around and she came home from college and it was good that she came back. Seeing her makes my day so much easier to get through. I need her so much its ridiculous and it makes me cry so much thinking about what I did and how much of a jerk I am. Anyway there was a party at this girl shllys house that had been planned for months and my friends and I had this party planned to go to when we first heard about. Myself like the idiot I am didn't realize that was the same weekend my baby comes home. And what to I do? Of course the wrong thing. Amnda had asked me to ditch that party and hangout with her and I told her I couldn't because it was planned out for awhile. So I go to this party and that's when I make the worst decision of my life, I offered to give this girl Lsa a ride home. Now my girlfriend hates this girl Lsa as it is and im soooo stupid I gave this stupid girl a ride home after the party. Im driving to her house and Lsa doesn't wanna go home so I park by some abandoned buildings and that's when I made the worst decision that makes me sick to my stomach every time I think about it. That I would even let this scummy girl touch me. I cheated on my perfect girlfriend of 2 years and four months. Now I didn't have sex with Lsa but she went down on me and it was terrible. I don't even know why I did this because I am not a cheater. I would never do this and I really still to this day don't know why I did. I didn't even get an erection and I just told her to stop. Then I drove her home and never told amnda what happened. Amnda went back to college that sunday and she calls me freaking out about pictures that were taken at this party and I was in the background talking to Lsa. Amanda asked me if I cheated on her with Lsa and I lied to her and told her no. It was such a stupid thing to do I should've told her the truth because for some sick apparent reason Lsa's mom decides to call amndas mom and tell her me and Lsa had sex. So when amnda gets home her mom tells her what happens and amnda calls me and confronts me about it, and then I didn't want to lie to her anymore and told her the truth and what really happened. I've never heard amanda scream the way she did at me over the phone. I started bawling my eyes out and telling her im soooo sorry baby and she says she hates me and basically what a girl would say to a guy when she finds out he cheats...everything he doesn't want to hear. Then she hangs up on me and I call her back all through the night and of course she doesn't answer. i went to sleep that night at 7 am and only slept for like 2 hours. I woke up and I called amanda all day leaving her voice mails crying telling her how much I messed everything up and to please give me a second chance. I sent her texts and emails all day. Finally at 2 am she calls me and I answer and we talk. She says she can't be with me right now and I keep asking her well what about in the long run and she says she doesn't know, just right now she can't and that she needs space. I told her I would wait forever for her and that I don't want any other girl because I don't. She tells me she's deleting me off myspace and her facebook and that I should take all the pictures down of us on my myspace. What I don't get though is she says done with me yet she asks me to change my email address and phone number so lisa can't get in contact with me and I ask her why does it matter if we aren't together and she never gave me an answer then I ask her if she really feels in heart that we won't ever be together again and she says she doesn't know, she just wants space away from me and she told me to stop calling her but I don't believe that's what she really wants. Im going to give her as much space as she needs but I still feel like there might be a chance later if I wait for her. I love amanda more than anything and she makes my life complete. I messed up so bad and if I had a time machine I would go back and stop myself from going to this stupid party and would've just hungout with my baby. Im so in love with this girl and I want to marry her. I feel it deep in my bones she's the one im supposed to be with for the rest of my life. I know im young and only 20 and that this world is full of other fish but I don't care if I can't have amanda than I'll die single, i don't want anyone else. I know they say once a cheater is always a cheater but that is completely not true with me. I would never ever do this again to anyone. All this pain I feel and how deep I hurt amnda, I feel like I just killed the love of my love. I lost my best friend and I just want her back so much. I can't stop crying and I don't know what to do. I haven't slept i and I barely eat anything. I hurt her so bad. I feel like im having panic attacks like I can't breathe and my heart is pounding so fast in my chest it feels like its going to explode. I miss her so much and I would chase her for the rest of my life if I have to. I just don't know what to do. I want to make her talk to me again and show her that she can trust me and I want a second chance. She was my support. She was always there and now she's gone. I hate myself so much for what I did. This pain is so unbearable and it makes me cry even more thinking about how bad amnda is hurting right now. She didn't deserve what I did to her. She never cheated on me. This hurts so much, I feel lost and empty and uncomplete now. I need her back I would do anything she wants. Someone please help me and give me advice because I've never been in this situation before and I really just feel like the world is ending because of this stupid stupid mistake I made.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Jaxhawk +, writes (14 March 2009):
Almost the same exact situation happened to me back in October, but I was the victim. My boyfriend did the same thing to me with driving a girl home and she made a move on him and he let it happen. He doesn't know why to this day, he is a sick mess to this day too. He was throwing up, crying, disgusted with himself, and swears he's going to die single if he doesn't marry me. He's doing better now because he is in talking to a therapist. (By the way it really does help.) Plus, me and my boyfriend were also in a very long term relationship and our families loved each other. The only difference is he came out and told me right after it happened and our parents knew and tried to help us out. I didn't take space though. I still just made myself not belive he would do something like that to me, and I wanted to know allllll the details (which most girls do.) So belive it or not, its great your girlfriend blew you off and said she can't see, talk, or be with you right now. Truely, the sooner you cut it off and take space and time to get over it, the sooner the possibility of her taking you back is. I'm so happy to hear my boyfriend Matt was not the only one who did something like this, and that I'm not the only victim of a situation where the girl was a f* tr* lol. It sucks its been like 5 months since it happened and I havent taken him back, but its because I didn't take the time to get over it. I just couldn't make myself get over the love of my life did that to me and thats probably want your girlfriend is saying to herself.The good news I'm giving you is1. your not alone believe it or not2. if you try to contact her and she doesnt anwser, don't keep calling her give her her space, she neeedss it!3. Stop crying and being upset, either way if you learned your mistake or not, you are the one that messed up. Grow up, be a man, and take it. She needs to see that you know what you did wrong and you have to live with it because there is nothing you can do.4. She will come to you when she's ready.5. If its meant to be, it will work out.6. If you love her, don't give up, you will wait forever if you truely love her. (unless she truely moves on) (I get scared my boyfriend will move on sooner or later because I know its going to be a longggggg time for me to get through this, I also have a big ego and just cant belive someone hurt me, Jackie. You know?I know you posted this a couple months ago, so I was wondering have things worked out yet or no? I would really like to know, it will show me if maybe oneday I can get over this and be with Matt again.We can help each other! I'm just so happy I'm not alone anymore and your girlfriend isn't alone either. This just happen-there isn't always a reason, I know that. And I am almost positive after reading this, you will never do something like this ever again. You sound EXACTLY like my boyfriend, like not even a little difference, and I am almost positive he will never do something like this again either.Good luck, just hang on and be a man, write back please!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2008): Well, so far no one has responded to your post. You really took the time to write out how you feel. Sadly, I don't have any good news for you. You can't change how Amanda feels and you can't go back in time. The best thing to do is to tell Amanda you love her and you are sorry and that you hope she can forgive you. Then let it go. I know you are young and you feel like your world is ending but trust me you can recover. I've been through something much, much worse than this and I survived, you will too. There is a chance that Amanda will never forgive you. Just like you got over your previous girlfriend you will get over Amanda. Next time you fall in love be careful not to repeat your mistakes.
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