A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend complained to me tonight about me not having any friends..we both know it's true, but it stung because we always kept it beneath the surface. I'm an awkward guy and I lack the effort of connecting with people, especially in college where everyone else has wacked out priorities. My gf is the only person I hang out with usually, and when we hang out in a group it is always with her friends. Her friends like me, I just struggle making good friends of my own. My social anxiety/weirdness or whatever you want to call it has been making me feel down lately. On top of this, I haven't been too attracted to my gf lately, but if I leave her I will have nothing :( we have been together 5 years and go to different schools...some other awkward person out there who feels what I'm going through, give me some advice. I'm so confused, I thought I would have figured myself out by 21 Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses guys, there's lots of helpful stuff here
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2014): Hey there.I know how it feels to be awkward and lonely. I'm in the same age group as you. I'm not the most sociable person on the planet. Especially given that I'm a very high functioning Autistic. It took a lot of work to get me to socialize with my peers and finding people to socialize/be friends with if you're a shy/awkward person can be hard.Given that you say socializing is hard, take a good look at what you like and go do that.Seems kind of obvious but I'm serious. You'd be surprised at the friends you can make.Join a fan group if you're into a book series, use the internet to look around and see what groups are in your area and how they interact with each other.Or maybe volunteer somewhere you can enjoy, like an animal shelter. I did once and it was a great experience. You'll get to meet all the regular volunteers and some truly wonderful people coming in to adopt animals. It will also help with your socializing skills as you'll most likely need to interact with potential adopters, because hey sometimes we need all the practice we can get.Do you enjoy writing stories? See if there is a club in your college you can attend. How about anime, or sports, maybe even government? There is most likely a club you can go to, sit in on a meeting or two. If you like the way they look and treat you, keep coming back.It may seem kind of like 'well duh' but you'd be surprised at how many people out there like the same stuff as you. You'll find a place to fit in. I'm the person who always use to sit alone at lunch, the one with her face stuck in a book, eyes studying the floor like it was made out of money. but now its a lot different. Hell I have some great friends on the internet I've never met simply by joining sites and regularly talking to the few that can deal with my brand of oddness. We talk on FB and Skype, play multiplayer games together online, even give each other gifts from time-to-time.And DO NOT WORRY ABOUT HAVING YOURSELF FIGURED OUT. Seriously. It isn't some magical thing that just happens one day. Sometimes it takes a little longer. You'll get there when you get there. But to help yourself along the way figure out what you like to do and do them. College can be stressful and if its far from home getting friends in an entirely different state culture can be hard.I don't think just socializing with your GF and her friends is okay. You can't cling to her as a lifeline to your social life, that might be why she complained. She wants a little space for herself rather then having you hovering around her all the time because you have no social life. And if this relationship turns really sour and you keep trying to salvage it because you are using it your social lifeline it will only make you, and her, more miserable. Its fine to hang out with her friends. I'm sure they are good people, but getting your own friends with similar interests will make you feel 100 times better and probably give her the time with her friends that she wants.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2014): You seem as though you rely on your girlfriend for a social life and this may be putting pressure on her therefore your relationship, my advice would be to really make an effort to make friends outside of your girlfriends friendship group as this would release the pressure on her and also make you able to make your own decisions whether or not you want to stay with her. It may seem hard but maybe if there are people you talk to at school you could work on your friendship with them?
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