A
female
age
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*Sunsure
writes:I am a woman 44 years of age and have been through two unsuccessful marriages and I have an adult daughter and 2 grandchildren. I have been single now for 10 years and have not dated in that timeframe due to the lack of interest in doing so. I am a decent looking female that has been successful in business and I really have my life together...except for one aspect, an intimate relationship.Both of my marriages were to men who had there own issues with control, drugs and alcohol...and those things have never fit into my life.I have come to a point in my life where I am trying to get clarity on who I really am and what I really want out of life. I am discovering that I may be attracted to other females and not so much males. As you can understand, I am quite confused and cannot make sense of it all, but it just feels right!!! In fact, I am really wanting to explore the possibilities and see if this is truly what I desire “or” if it is just curiosity.As I am sure that you will understand, I am quite concerned as to how my family and friends will react to this in the event that I am a lesbian. I think they will be fine with it for the most part, but I don't want to hurt anyone, however, I need to start being true to myself. Yes, I know that I am jumping the gun here, but it is weighing heavy on me.There is one person in general that I am very much attracted to. She is a single mother of a 3 year old and is heterosexual...as far as I know. We do things together, such as hiking, dinner, events and even church. Sometimes it is so hard for me to be around her because I want to hold her and I fantasize about kissing her tenderly. But, I don't dare go there because I do not want to ruin a good friendship and we live in a very small community where if the word got out that I made a pass at her, and it didn't quite go the way I intend it to, it could potentially ruin my career, or a least make it very difficult on me. It is not that I think she will run around and tell everyone, but her sister is in the same line of work as I, and they share allot with each other.I have also thought about trying to connect with other diverse groups outside of the area to get a feel for if this is the lifestyle for me or not. But I am not really sure at how to go about the either.Any good advise would be appreciated.Quietly waiting…
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female
reader, CSunsure +, writes (29 September 2007):
CSunsure is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice. I tend to agree with you. I need to go outside of the area and explore the possibilities.
It is so frustrating know that I will not be able to share the first experience with the one I desire to be with. Does your friend know that you are bi?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007): You may be BI, you say you live in a small town so yes you should go out of that area, go to a gay bar or club and you may meet someone. It's normal for you to be feeling this way, I think everyone in their life is curious to know what its like. I'd say try it out and see if you like it or not!
About your freind, go with the flow as you can't tell at this point. I'm BI and fancy a freind but I won't make a move unless I'm sure she likes me back, be the same.
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A
female
reader, CSunsure +, writes (23 September 2007):
CSunsure is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your insight, it is much appreciated.
I do agree with part of what you said in regards to the way the men in my past have behave and that does make me a bit bitter towards men. My first husband had major control issue and was very insecure and my second husband had drug & alcohol issues...but he was genuinely a great person and he was truly the love of my life. However, with that said, I am now identifying with feelings that I think I was suppressing in the past towards some females. This is where my confusion comes in and where I am trying to get some clarity.
I agree with you in regards to my friend. I do feel that she is not on the same page as me, but there are times that I pick up on some vibes from her...but I'm not sure how to take it. I think I should just go with the flow for right now until I know it is the right time, if ever.
As far as looking deeper into myself to see if I am blocking male attention because of my past, that is possible. Although, I have been tapping deep into myself and that is where things are starting to become very clear to me as to where my desires may be.
I am not sure if it is the right decision for me to go outside of my area to be around others that live the lifestyle I am being drawn to and see if my feelings are for real, or if it is just a curiosity thing...or if I should just force myself to be with a man due to it is much less complicated. Really, I do not want to be with another man until I explore this possibility, but I am a bit scared of the unknown. This is really where I need some advise and direction.
Thank you -
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A
female
reader, leanne.od  +, writes (23 September 2007):
 i think what you are trying to do is convince yourself that all men are going to behave the way your previous husbands did. its unlucky enough to have one failed marriage due to drugs and alcohol but to have two is enough to put anyone off men.
having been single for 10 years you more than not likely feel vulnerable because you no longer feel confident and certain about the whole dating game again.
it is normal to be curious and every girl at some point is.
you're feelings towards this lady may be genuine but i very much doubt hers are going to be recipricated because she has a young child and sees you as a friend, hence why she does alot of activities with you and you could jepodise your friendship by scaring her with these thoughts and feelings.
my advice is take a deeper look inside yourself and see if you are blocking out male attention through fear and past experience. there's nothing wrong with being attracted to someone of the same sex but i feel as though you're not being true to yourself and think that a relationship with a women wouldn't be as complicated with that of a male.
good luck and at the end of it if you still feel you are only attracted to women, i wouldn't say anything to your friend about liking her but talk to her and by her reaction you'll be able to see what she feels for you.
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