A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating my boyfriend for 3 months. He's absolutely wonderful and we spend as much time as possible together. I sleep over 4-5 times a week. Pretty much been playing house. Clean house, home cooked meals etc. but besides that we genuinely have fun together. We go out. Stay home and cuddle. Watch movies. Everything a healthy and happy couple do. Well I was holding back telling him I fell in love with him until a couple weeks ago. We weren't together that night. I got home from work really late but couldn't sleep so I decided to write him a letter telling him how I felt. And tiredly emailed it to him. Well his response was positive an he said he felt as though he was starting to fall in love with me as well. I never brought it up again figuring when he was ready to say the words we would go from there. Well a few days later we were getting ready for bed and he hugged and kissed me and said "baby I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you, and when I'm pretty sure most of the time I'm right" we kissed and went to sleep. Well the issue is now I've said "I love you" twice since then and I get no response from him. It's awkward. Why won't he say it now? If he loves me why can't he say the words? Should I address this with him?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2014): Go through any random day of DC archives and you'll usually find at least one post from a woman who can't understand why her scumbag boyfriend treats her like dirt when "he tells me he loves me."
Your situation is the opposite but my advice is the same: Don't believe what a guy SAYS, believe what he DOES.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (30 January 2014):
 It's WAY too soon at 3 months! Right now, with the massive amount of time you're spending with him, the domesticity, and now the declarations of love, you could burn out this relationship!
The whole meaning behind "I love you" exposes a fundamental difference between men and women:
**DISCLAIMER - not ALL men and not ALL women**
For most women, "I love you" is simply an expression of an outpouring of emotion. A lot of times, the emotions tend to be infatuation rather than love.
For most men, "I love you" is a statement of commitment, and a "next level" in a relationship. It makes the relationship serious and beyond simple "exclusivity". For many guys, the hesitance at saying it is a decision whether or not they want to become that level of serious with the woman they're with. Some guys never say it because it conveys an emotional vulnerability they are uncomfortable with. Some guys don't say it because they are cautious with commitment.
Regardless, three months is a new relationship. "I love you" is the food of serious relationships that have had time invested in them. Guys who say it early are either flakes or they use those words in order to seduce a woman into either their bed or their wallet. Your guy's hesitance to say the words at this stage of the relationship is a healthy response, meaning he doesn't say things unless he means them.
My advice to you is to stop saying it yourself, ease up and let the relationship breathe, and give him a chance to say it on his own. DO NOT make it an issue in the relationship now. If it were 1-2 years down the line, it would be a different story. You do not want him to feel obligated or pressured to say those words, or they will ring hollow and you could smother the relationship.
Also, and this is my opinion, your relationship if you're hanging out 5 days a week and are playing house, maybe it's time to ease up on that. It's telling that you and he have been joined at the hip, yet you waited until he was NOT there to say it. That should tell you something, and subconsciously you knew you should have waited. Those words are to be said face to face, not through text or email.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2014): 3 months, that's why. That's only 12 weeks.
He's pretty sure he's in love with you but that's not fully, head over heels in love with you yet. Try not to be impatient, OP, it can happen at different times for people.
"Pretty sure" is not "in love". When you're in love you're 100% sure. Relax it's going well.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (29 January 2014):
 No, I don't think you should force the issue. For whatever reason he clearly isn't ready to say the words. Just because you've said them doesn't mean he has to.
He treats you well. You're happy with him. It's only been three months. What's the rush?
If you want to have good, strong connections with people then you must let them share of themselves what they're ready to share when they're ready to share it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 January 2014):
 He isn't ready?
I have to say it's "only" been 3 months and he treats you like he genuinely care, but if you are going to "demand" him saying ILY back before he is ready you will push him away more then anything.
What's the hurry?
If you feel ready to say ILY to him that is great, but he doesn't OWE you to say it back til HE is ready.
Also.. would you rather he says it to placate you instead of really meaning it?
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (29 January 2014):
Nope, too early for pressure. It just takes some men time. Felt the same way as you early on in my relationship, in fact he brought it up first. But, it turned out that he did feel weird saying it at first. I left it alone and didn't say it much at all, figuring he'd grow into it. Took maybe 7-8 months before he really got comfortable? Now he says it every single day and has for years.
I'd leave it be.
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A
male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (29 January 2014):
 "his response was positive an he said he felt as though he was starting to fall in love with me as well."
Oh, my ! That's what we can call a very bad start. Call me a pessimist if you whant.
By the way, I'm seriously thinking it should be time - even on Dear Cupid - to ask everyone what is his or her definition of LOVE. Most of time, alas, it seems to be a synonym of "we have fun together" and "good sex, my heart is conquered"...
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