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female
,
anonymous
writes: My bf and I have been together for a year now, it's an internet thing as I'm in Australia and he's in the US. We have met before, and we've known each other for 3 years, and in that time emailed each other, spoke on the phone, sent letters, etc. It's been a pretty serious thing. However, the other day on an advice site, I discovered a question he'd wrote (he later confirmed it was him), saying he felt really upset talking to this girl who he used to like because she makes him feel uncomfortable. Turns out everytime he speaks to her he gets upset about how much he liked her and how bad he felt when she rejected him. Now, he told me he doesn't have feelings for her, but I just think he's denying it to me. Rather than talking to me about it, he did this behind my back. This is not the first time this has happened, a few months ago, we ran into some similar issues. He liked a girl at his church before we got together (Although, at the same time telling me he loved me) and a couple of months ago he let it out that he hadn't told her and her parents about me, yet had told everyone else at the church. Turns out he didn't want to "upset them" because he thought they might want him to marry their daughter. I thought that was a really terrible excuse, and we had a fight over it. He still kept saying that he didn't like her anymore. Anyway, I forgot about it. But now that it's come up again I'm starting to doubt him again. I do trust him, but I can't help feeling that he has feelings for other girls, and he just doesn't want to admit it to himself. Do you think it sounds as if he does? If so, what should I do? I admit that I do get really jealous of other girls and insecure, but I think I may have reason to be here. The whole thing is really upsetting me, because I thought if he truly loved me he wouldn't ever think about other girls..
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2006): Sorry, but as much as you write you trust him and say you do...you do not. You give examples to support why you do not and they are valid.
I support you that when you are in love with someone...you cannot think of anyone else in any romantic interest.
Of course; this could just be a woman's point of view; maybe men don't? Then what?
You sound like you know what you want and expect so...are you getting this from your BF? Sounds like it is a no.
So if you know this; what is your tolerance levels, what are your options? And what are you willing to do about this?
Listen...if he cannot commit to you and set a time and date on when you will become a couple in the true sense...don't waste your time and energy.
Have you even discussed who is moving where? What you are both going to do to be together and what is the timeline? If you say no to both...YOU are being unrealistic about this "make believe" relationship.
Just because you feel strongly for him does not mean he feels the same about you.
The fact that he can lie and mislead another girl and her family for the sake of appearances...he doesn't have a clue on how to be honest; no sense of commitment or reliability.
That you DON'T trust him and he has given you little cause to trust in him...
Come on.
Time to get wise and make a decision that will bring you peace and happiness in the long run.
Question is...when are you willing to do it?
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