A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Iv a friend iv known since im 15. He txts me almost everyday and does an exercise class with me every week. weve become closer friends as in talking more since the start of this year. We started talking more as we had a drunken smooch at xmas. Close as in a brother/sister kind of way that has yet to cross another line. He also has a girlfriend about 2 years. We mainly kept each other amused during working hours talking about anything and everything. He also always inquires what im doing and with who and sometimes texted my other friend to check up on if she is with me when I said she was ( which I think is a bit weird) and also always questions me about fellas, if I slept with or kissed a particular fella etclast week we were both very drunk and nearly ended up sleeping together only for a friend interrupted us. A day or two later he txts me an angry txt that it shudnt have happened and wont happen again. I said that's fine we were both drunk and I don't want it to happen again either. I assumed that was our friendship cooled a bit and we wouldn't talk as much. How ever he is texting me more so now and still wanting to know what im doing etc . My question is, is it possible that he does in fact only want friendship and why does feel the need to be in contact with me everyday, is that normal for a man to want to do that with a female friend when he has a gf?I just want to know as I like talking to him and love him like a brother but I don't want the lines getting blurred again and would rather cool the friendship if I thought he was just keeping me around as a possible sh@g in future.It wouldn't bother me if I went a week or two wthout hearing from him or seeing him and it is always him that contacts me.So does he really just want friendship? and is it possible he sees me as a sister?Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2013): Hi,
I asked the question. Thanks for your response but i think ur being a little harsh. Im not lonely at all and i have zero romantic feelings for him. I just want to make sure that he actually cares about me as a friend and not just being a typical fella and keeping a girl there in contact so he can try it on if i suits him. Id be very hurt if it turned out that was the case.
Maybe im just judging him from my past history with the way some men have been . Maybe i should just relax and accept his friendship for wat it is and be glad weve become good friends from our drunken smooch at xmas.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2013): He has an attachment to you. He got angry when you both nearly crossed the line of friendship; because in his heart and mind; you are like a close sister. You are reading romance into the relationship; because you are lonely and it's convenient. You need to start dating more often; so you will stay within the proper boundaries of the relationship you have with him.
You don't date much, trying to read his inquiries as jealous concern. They're not. Their the same questions a big brother will ask. Making sure his little sister doesn't get her heart broken.
Getting drunk will lower your inhibitions and people act on impulse. That doesn't mean he wants to have sex with you, only that he wanted to have sex. You are a female, and he is male, slip ups do happen. He quickly corrected it.
In close male to female friendships, over an extended time; sooner or later one of the two is going to try to change the meaning of the relationship. It is often driven by loneliness, and the fear of rejection on the outside. They go for what is comfortable and familiar; over the risks of seeking connections with strangers.
He doesn't want to be your boyfriend, he is happy to be a friend. You pretend you want the same-thing; but your post is desperately asking why doesn't he want to be my boyfriend? He has already answered that question. Because he dearly cares for you as his very best friend, who just so happens to also be a female.
Maybe you've both become emotionally co-dependent over the years; but the feelings can be misread from time to time.
He is male, it is a normal instinct to feel uncomfortable about other male's interested in a female you're close to.
Who you're seeing is none of his business. That's his male ego, not romantic love.
There are times when the lines become blurred; but usually under unusual circumstances. Drinking being the main culprit.
He becomes thoroughly disgusted with himself when this happens. That isn't what he needs from you. He stays in touch with you everyday to check on you, and from force of habit. You are like family to him. You mean a lot to him, but not in the way you're trying to force things.
If you feel uncomfortable and too drawn to him in another way, then cool it off until you can keep things in proper perspective. Ask him not to call you so much. I know you'll ignore this advice; because you insist on making him a boyfriend. So I'll leave it up to you to handle it your way; until frustration forces you to see the truth.
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