A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have known Andy for 3.5 yrs. He asked me if I had a crush on him in 2013 and I said no...he said he was relieved and was like "FRIENDS :D" saying he does have a flirtatious personality, he's trying to work on it and he's just being friendly.After that there was ALOT more communication between me and him. He would go out of his way to talk to me, always smile when I would talk to him, staring in my eyes without blinking I swear. Stare off to a distance and keep the gaze I guess when I would look back at him. We would hold the gaze FOREVER. Often times I would be talking to someone else he would stand behind me so close. ALOT of signs to which I thought he had a crush on me, but just shy?However after all of the poking of the side and the stuff I mentioned above and secretly asking if I had crush on him six months later... he over heard me talking to my friend apparently about me liking Andy and he asked "Is that really how you feel?"...Yeah..."kinda figured"... Figured what out? We talked about this a while ago you were relieved I didn't have a thing for you..."Yeah but things change. I noticed them"...Yeah things do change. I'm more relaxed now with you now that I know you don't like me so I've heard. So not to worry. I know...He comes back with "I wouldn't be too relaxed". Hinting that maybe he did have a thing for me.Then when I admitted or told him I liked him or stuff and asked if he liked me back cause there were rumors he did/didn't he said no, he liked someone else. I asked or he said for about three years. After that he took me off his friends list on FB and I couldn't text him any more. He never mentioned anything. I was really weird out I guess. Later he asks if I could/would give him a big hug Sunday because he and his family are moving out of the neighbor hood. Made it sound like he wanted me to give him as hug, (a while ago) he already said if he gave me a hug, he would never hear the end of it. Later he asked my cousin HE DID NOT KNOW she was my cousin, if I would give him a kiss. I said of course no.So I ended up giving him a three second hug and his brother one. Later he said I can give him a hug whenever I want for how long I feel comfortable with it. I told him I couldn't and that I needed to get over him and hugging won't help and he KNOWS I'm trying to get over him. Then I hear from one of his friends "Why do you like him?!" and hes a guy just being curious and Andy has been telling alot people this past month that I have this MAJOR crush on him, crazy and stuff :-/ alot of girls have a crush on him but he's only talking about me.Why would he do this? He said he does't like me. I don't get it. Can you please help :-/ Thankyou.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 June 2014):
 Thusi guy likes to toy with girls. He doesn't have the stones to BE with a girl in an actual relationship, but he likes to flirt and hope that the girl will fall madly in love with him.
He is a TEASE.
INSECURE tease.
Some guys enjoy having girls (the more the merrier) to flirt with, because it feeds their ego. Whether they like the girl or not is irrelevant. My guess is he "deep" eye contact and other BS he pulled is STRAIGHT out of the "How to be a Great Pick Up Artist's manual". HE is USING YOU as a guinea pig, practising how to make girls "weak in the knees"...
I'd stop wasting my time on this guy, if I were you.
A GUY who is ACTUALLY interested doesn't play games, HE asks you out.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 June 2014):
 Don't waste time trying to figure out what his words could mean. To cut to the heart of the matter: if he liked you "in that way" he'd ask you out. He hasn't.
The rest of it sounds like goofy teenage inexplicable behavior on your and his part--sometimes you just do random things because you're bored or whatever.
You do seem to have a big crush on him. If he had a big crush on you and wanted to go out with you, he'd have asked you out by now.
The rest is just distractions.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (15 June 2014):
 I think he is playing you.
Some guys love the chase. They enjoy flirting with every girl they meet. They love getting a reaction. They secretly believe that they have Brad Pitt pulling power.
They get a real kick out of thinking every girl loves them.
There's a realtor who I once heard about who seemed to think that every woman was a target for his flirting etc., whether she was 20 or 80. He had a bad name as a sleaze and a realtor to avoid.
And while I was widowed, before I remarried, I recall a particular co-worker who, when he resigned, went to see various female employees who he thought would be devastated by his departure. None of us realized he had these delusions about our feelings or lack thereof.
This guy has picked up signals from you - whereby he has an impression that you have a 'thing' for him.
Then he does that line about 'wouldn't be too relaxed' - look at his actions not his words.
If he really had a 'thing' for you AND he found out that you had a 'thing' for him then he would take things to the next level. Unless he was a prize wimp - which I don't think you are implying that.
He took you off his FB so that you could not text? He did not want contact. He may well have someone in the wings who he does text and does enjoy spending time with.
He said if he gave you a hug that he would never hear the end of it.
Sounds like he thinks (incorrectly??) that you are obsessed about him.
Maybe he is implying that you try too hard.
Some people are psychic enough that they sense when someone is staring at them.
Have you often stared at him for extended periods?
After all if person A senses that person B is staring at A and A is not interested in B then A looks away. And continues to avoid the gaze of B.
However staring is aggressive. Thus in some situations if person A stares at person B then person B may return in kind.
Not because B likes A but instead it is a form of, ''what are you looking at? What are you up to? And even aggressive brinkmanship - who outstares 'wins'.
So in that situation either A or B may interpret the extended staring as aggression or a majot crush from a person who they are not interested in.
The hug for him and the hug with his brother? That's saying goodbye. Such hugs occur all the time at farewlls and airports. Such hugs mean about as much as the words 'we must do lunch' - a meaningless insincere kiss-off.
To sum up, what's going on here?
1.Has he asked you out on a date?
2. Has he ever sent you flowers?
3. Has he sought out multiple occasions to be alone with you?
4. Does he phone you up regularly to ask you to attend an event exclusively with you alone?
5. Has he taken you out to a meal in the evening, other than a cheap fast food meal?
Have you ever seen him on a date with a girl?
Have you seen other girls who seem to hang around with him, ever?
Have you seen him comfortable with his male friends?
Does he seem to prefer activities withhis family.
I don't think he's ready for you as his girlfiend. Not now and probably not any time in the future.
He has admitted that he's had a thing for someone else, not you.
I don't think he's shy. He probably wants to go for a potential partner who is a real challenge and where he has to do more of the chasing. Where he has to win over the other party. Where his chasing can result in him winning.
Back away. Get on with your life. Get more interested in other activities. Try not to respond much to him. Keep him guessing. Don't be over eager.
If he is genuine then your indifference may get you somewhere with him.
But stop playing 'maybe' games - expect the best treatment from him so he has to demonstrate that he's genuine.
Next time you meet he needs to ask you on a regular date, where you are treated well. Then a follow up date.
You are an adult and you have a right to expect an adult response from him.
Not an endless amount of putting a toe in the water to guage how hot or cold that water is.
Definitely don't stick around, hoping and waiting for him to make a move.
Real guys who really are interested in you as a date will not waste your time in this way in endless staring, asking others what to do next.
Real guys who are interested take action.
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