A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am in a 5-year relationship and, although my partner doesn't want other men looking at me or showing an interest in me, he obsesses over younger women and oftentimes masterbates as a result. I find that hurtful, especially when we probably have had sex just the night before. I am obviously not satisfying him sexually and, if that is the case, why does he want to be with me? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, svf  +, writes (29 June 2011):
 Your partner's actions are cruel and hurtful. I know men masturbate, but it's the thought process behind his masturbation that makes me livid on your behalf. The fact that he's jealous of other men looking at you (good for you on being so gorgeous) shows that he has a double standard. I would be extremely upset and angry if I found my partner doing that, as it's on a level of wanting to have sex with another woman, because mentally that's what he is fantasising about. And I do understand your pain, as he is looking at women who are younger than you, with no regards to you as a person or as a mature woman. They say all men do it, but have you read how many posts there are on this site from women who are heartbroken or in the process of dumping their partners because of their partner's lewd type of behaviour? A LOT. This is disrespect, plain and simple.You must have a talk to him and tell him you feel hurt and insulted by his actions and you feel that you are not satisfying him. I hope he realises that he is causing you hurt and lowered self-esteem. If he loves you, he will stop looking at younger women, stupid jerk for being caught - he could at least have kept it to himself, and start appreciating what he has in YOU. No woman has to put up with that kind of insultive behaviour. x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2011): It isn't normal to obsess over any other woman than the one you are with. If they are obsessing over other women, then I would leave them. Depends on what you mean by obsessing. If his masterbation bothers you, then maybe it is what he is masterbating to. I don't mind if my boyfriend masterbates as long as it isn't to porn.
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A
male
reader, Universe Man  +, writes (28 June 2011):
You observe that he obsesses over other women and masturbates. You assume that this means you are not satisfying him. This is not a fair assumption. He may have a very high sex drive. Maybe you should have more sex with him.When he masturbates, you find it hurtful? That is a very poisonous mode of thought that you should stop right away. A person's sexuality, genitals, and orgasm are theirs and theirs alone. If they choose to share them with you, you should be grateful for the sharing, not offended that they reserved something for themselves.You find it hurtful that he obsesses over other women. Most men do this. It's probably instinctive. You should try to get over it and understand that it's just part of a man's sex drive.Your husband doesn't want other men looking at you. That's very common and also counterproductive. Jealousy never did anything for anyone. You should both give up on jealousy. Your relationship will never be good if you're jealous.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (28 June 2011):
 Is he possessive?
Is he looking at ACTUAL live women in public and then masturbating or Porn?
How active and satisfied are YOU with your sex life?
Ask him WHY he wants to be with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011): How do you mean, he openly looks at porn - or real women in your day to day life?
Its a pretty disrespectful way to behave either way, if he knows it upsets you and continues.
Could be mid life crisis, who knows, but you need to sort it and talk openly to him about how you feel
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