A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy about 4 months ago, we started dated and everthing was fine, about 2 months in he disappears, starts ignoring me. I decide to give him his space and didnt contact him except every now and then on chat. About two weeks go by and he suddenly contacts me to apologize for his behavior. He then tells me that he wanted to explain himself, so we met up and he told me how he started talking to his ex again. They spent a weekend together and he told me that they had slept together. I should add that we had already had sex at this point.So he said that he slept with her but realized that he feels nothing for her and is completely freed from the situation. They were together for eleven years and have broken up about 6 months ago. I was happy that he was honest with me. We went out a second time and he had a romantic evening set up for me, he cooked me dinner, fireplace on ect. He then kissed me and tried to take it further and at that point I stopped him. I was nice about and expected him to ask why, but he didnt. I told him a few days after that I find it difficult to talk about sentiments and am afraid of showing people my weaknesses. we have chatted online since then but have not seen eachother until last night. We have some of the same friends and ended up at the same spot. He completely ignored me and I him. Should I confront him about it..some of my friends say that by me refusing him, I led him to believe that I am no longer interested but i dont think that's the case. I have contacted him and have hinted at getting together. I just didnt want him to think that I would sleep with him again at a drop of a hat. But he never even asked what stopped me??? I am so confused, if he didnt want to pursue anything with me, why didnt he just leave well enough alone in the first place? I let him be, so why come back apologizing for his disappearance just to do it again.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2010): wow..thanks you were right on. I ended up talking to him last night and telling him that his behavior seems like he is trying to avoid me, he got a bit defensive and said he doesnt have to excuse himself for anything...and that he is not avoiding me but he just needs time for himself. I said I knew that but just wanted to tell him that we can be cool when we see eachother and that i dont want him to think i am pushing for a serious relationship right now because i know he is not ready. I appreciate the fact that he apologized for his behavior before, but by trying to sleep with me after that, I take it as he just wants to get in my pants with no strings attached....and thats not what i am looking for. He said his chat was having problems and signed off, but before that he told me it has nothing to do with me and he knows he is inconsistent thats why he explained himself to me before. I am not going to look for him anymore, i just hope i didnt make matters worse by writing him last night, I am usually spot on when it comes to this stuff, but i am afraid i pushed him away last night
A
female
reader, MelissaRomeo  +, writes (21 March 2010):
 Hi there.
Wow eleven years is a long time. And if its only been 6 months since hes broke up with his ex than without doubt he must still have feeling which are not leting him move any further with you yet. He might like you but he might not yet be ready for a relationship he probably just wanted to spend a good time with you getting to know you and to see if it would work out. You did very well in not giving in, if you had had sex with him that night you would feel a lot worse now. If he's ignored you then it probably means that he's looking for space to b alone. Teh fact he apologised for his disapearance show that he cares for you and that you mean something to him so be patient and wait to hear from him again and if he does get back to you tell him the truth and ask him what he wants to do and what he wants from you.
Dont let his actions confuse you, he's probably confused.
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