A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hi all , I'm really struggling just now with the end of a relationship of 5 years .my ex is a widower , of whom i knew his wife , and we got together 6 months after his wife had died (she comiited suicide ), when which he asked me out . I was still maried at that point , which he knew , and although the marriage was dead , i was studying to get a better job to enable me to leave my husband - as he was in control of the finances etc . i acheived this last yer , and moved into a flat , though it was partly due to the affair being discovered . I admitted all (thouh originally i didn't want to leave that way , but loved my boyfirend , as he did me , and wanted a 'proper ' relationship with me . as a result my daughter moved in with her boyfirend , and my younger son , stayed mainly with his dad - i see him twice a week now , and thoughh my husband had treated me badly over the years , i now have to wait to divorce him , as i comitted adultery. I have had a few low pathces recently - originally when i moved out i was on antidepressants for stress - mainly due to the seperation from my son , and in recent months my boyfriend had told me there was something missing from our realtionship (he did this before 3 years ago - and then came back) he has now left me , saying i'm selfish , we dont gel , and he's grown tired of me . I really can't understand him at all , and don't know what to think - as only a few weeks ago , he said although we were struggling abit , he really wanted to make it work , and loved me very much? he claimed he still loved me , but is unwilling to event try to sort things out now , and has given back the key to my flat etc . i know im probably just feeling very lonely right now , but does anyone have any similar situations , and what did they do
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionin response to your answer , i appreciate how it must seem , except he asked me out many many times , and he was aware that i didnt acceptdue to the fact I thought it was wrong . I on many occasions discussed the whole matter with him , and as for the financial stauts at the ti,e , I was studying and working full time - providing my share of the household and childcare expenses- in fact my husband continuosly spent spare money on expensive cars for himself , and never contributed to other matters , and previous to this affair starting , was on occasions both physically and mentally abusive. the late wife took her own life , after a long period of post natal depression (years), ,and after another argument with the man in question , after which he ignored her for 2 weeks, then came home from work to find her dead. my actions on leaving the marital home , were to put the situation right , and leavedue to my caring for another , not to gain anything from him , I merely wanted to be his partner, though he cannot see that .
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009): this is so sad - why? because this relationship was borne from deceit, betrayal and adultery.
1. this mans wife committed auicide and 6 months later you two start your affair? why did she committ suicide. what did she discover and how was he to vblame. poeple just do not take their lives for nothing.
2. you were married when you started your affair. you ccontinued to use your hb financially. YOU STOLE FROM HIM. then moved on to greener pastures after you extracted what you wanted from your hb. you destroyed your family life.
3. your lover is fed up with you. you did not allow him to mourn his wife. in fact you did not give a damn did you. there was no reasonable period before you started your affair.
4. your past has come back to haunt you. i think we call it KARMA.
5. you need to look at your life critically and then decide what you have contributed in each persons life you are associated with. you lied, cheated and this is coming back , big time. you need to see if you can change your destructive behaviour. if you can . if he says you are selfish then hear his words. you were selfish in your marriage and you continued in theis vein with your lover. you see only your men changed but not you. please learn from this and move on. next time please make wise choices and do not lie, steal and cheat. in your situation it came back to bite you bigtime.
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