A
female
age
26-29,
*onflictedlady
writes:Before coming to college and then entering the “real world”, I never really encountered men who were rude, gross or overly forward with women. I guess they were all on their parents' leashes in high school. Anyway, I had one guy in particular text me some disgusting things, such as complimenting the “tightness” of my vagina, and say that he’d, “pay to have sex with me”, and “[I] could always list myself on Craigslist if I needed money”. Honestly, I was shocked that anyone would text me something so nasty, especially considering that he got engaged to a woman a few months later! I knew other women in college who were assaulted and some raped, and then the guys later got married within a few years of the event. I’m just wondering if men who have said or done vile things to women can even respect the woman who they wind up eventually dating or marrying. It just seems like if you think so little of a woman as to hurt her physically or emotionally, that you’d never truly value a woman as your partner or equal.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2019): I sense there is a deep resentment you have for men; and the added stories of rape and vileness do justify your negativity towards men. I know some men say vile things; and I know there are women, children, and men who have been raped by men. That's because there is vileness and evil in human beings. Race or gender has nothing to do with the wickedness found in us.
It is a very logical conclusion that a rapist has no respect for women, or any victim of his assault; but how you conclude that they go on to marry and live happily ever after has me scratching my head. You almost imply most men are like this; and to make that so, it would also mean most women are innocent and helpless victims. They can't find good-men for the vast sea of rapists and misogynists out there. In the world, there is good and evil! Yes, some evil people prosper; but in time they pay for their sins and crimes.
That guy you described really went out of his way to be nasty and graphic in his filthy description of your anatomy. I suppose there is more backstory to your connection to him. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to determine you and he had a grand falling-out that led to your parting ways. It seems odd he calls out of the blue just to talk trash to you!
Why didn't you file a police report? Which angers you the most, that he said this filth to you, or that he went-on to get married? I ask because you went on to follow-up on what happened in his life months later. Odd!
I'm very sorry that you've been witness to only bad-behavior in men; and have been closely associated with them. I hope you will find yourself someone who will change your feelings towards males. If you've been so unfortunate as to have been a victim of men like this; please seek counseling, because it can leave scars and affect your ability to trust.
I can't help but feel there's something more to this than what you've indicated in the post. Maybe it's just me.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 December 2019):
 No anon,
You misread me or misunderstood me,
Having sex doesn't mean you don't respect yourself, CHOOSING to have sex with a guy you think is a douche or piece of crap man, I think is disrespectful TO yourself.
Sex is fine.
And sure, it would be nice if EVERYONE was respectful to everyone else. And no, there really is no good "excuse" to NOT treat someone with respect REGARDLESS of how they tear themselves. However, people who "generally" are not respectful will CERTAINLY no even TRY when encountering someone they see not respecting themselves.
NOT saying it's OK, just stating the obvious.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (15 December 2019):
 We have to accept that, sadly, life is not always fair.
Let's hope if/when these guys have a daughter(s), their actions comes back to haunt them.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (15 December 2019):
 what a pig!!!Hardly respects himself behaving like that. Bit like the Madonna -whore complex I suppose.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (15 December 2019):
 Whilst most men are decent people or at the very least not abusive or rapists, a lot of them aren't. A fair number of men in university will harass women and push boundaries as though it's a rite of passage, but will "grow up" at some point and most will reduce that behaviour, if not stop completely and begin to respect women more.
That said, can a rapist who deliberately chose to rape ever truly respect women? I'm not sure. I don't think it would make up for their past violation of a woman.
Most don't tell their girlfriends or wives about their past treatment of women, which is usually why they still have a girlfriend/wife.
As Honeypie said, it's definitely not women's fault that men choose to be this way, but women accepting this behaviour does reinforce it. If you had told him how gross his comment was and blocked him, at least another person has told him what an idiot he was.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2019): I totally agree. They don't respect women and they don't respect their partners (unless they've had some kind of massive change of personality which is very unlikely.) but you don't have to respect someone to marry them.
Also Honeypie the idea that having sex means you don't repsect yourself is weird and regressive and frankly even if someone didn't respect themselves that's no excuse to not treat them with respect? If I meet someone who has low self esteem/no self respect it doesn't turn me into a horrible person. Is that what happens to you?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 December 2019):
Probably.
You don't have to respect women to want to marry and have kids.
Think about how many cultures that STILL doesn't see women as equals, is it that strange that something like that still exist? The fact that women are still WILLING to be around such a guy, even if it was for a casual hook up, ONLY confirms (in these guys minds) that they are right.
Look at the whole "pick up artist bullshit" where the premise is that the worse you treat a women the more women you can hook up with. Unfortunately, for some this is actually true.
As much as I hear the "women are the gatekeepers to sex" for all that "power" that seemingly comes with that premise, there SURE are a lot of women making really really bad choices in bed-fellows.
NOT saying that women are to blame, but if these guys NEVER EVER got laid, they would cease to exist.
As for the guy who texted you, well you had a casual hook up with him even though you found him to be a douche. So if YOU didn't really respect yourself more, why should he?
And why not BLOCK and delete someone right then and there when they wrote something like that? Why not tell him What absolute disgusting filthy shit is this NEVER talk to me again, BLOCKED!! Instead you "stalked" him online and found out he had a GF and then that they got engaged.
Just saying.
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