A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok so more than often I'll see a girl starring at me when there with a male counterpart ( and I don't know the status of their relationship) I'll stare back and we'll exchange dirty looks or just looks for sake of argument and catch each other starring.. now I've never acted out on this before but I'm starting to think I don't see why I shouldn't.. it isn't my fault their friend whatever can't keep their attention..right? I'm a fairly attractive person I might add. So should I go on the prowl next time? opinions/ advice? I'm not sure what to do.. I mean it's not like every relationship is bound to last forever and I think if someone is looking for something else then their not satisfied. Thats assuming theres a relationship of any sort established. And well.. only live once? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2011): My bad OP...I'm sorry. I was simultaneously considering a question I was going to answer from a man who enjoyed crossdressing, but wanted to date women... but who was technically bisexual. Too many gender roles to keep track of...For the record I mistakenly assumed you were a woman poaching straight men from other women. It was an honest mistake and I wasn't trying to insinuate that you were "gay" at all
....so let me start again:
Generally, I think the gist of my advice holds for either a man or a woman contemplating poaching a person who is obviously in a relationship. It seems like your attraction has less to do with anything intrinsic in the woman, but because you took something away from another man. The power play turns you on. Specifically the power play over the man...you make him look like a chump when you take his own woman out from under his nose. Your sense of competition with another man trumps your sense of genuine interest in a women...at least sexually. Your sense of manhood depends on another man's loss of manhood. That's a pretty narrow definition of manhood in my opinion.
I do get the dynamic, but I think it's shortsighted. Why?
Most woman can tell when someone's truly interested in them and when someone is just trying to get boost their own ego by making another guy look like a sucker.
You've basically said that if a woman steals a look at you in front of her own boyfirend, fault lies in her man for not keeping her attention. Really? It doesn't say anything about that woman in particular? I don't think you give the woman enough credit...
Something you might want to consider is that if a woman actually leaves a man just because some stranger caught her attention, then what happens if and when the woman ends up with you? Do you think she'll stick around with you or will she just wait until a more attractive man crosses her path and gives her an excuse? This is what I mean by it being a shortsighted strategy.
Try meeting and courting a single woman who is intersted in you, not a distracted woman looking for an escape plan...it does take more effort and you probably won't get a rise out of making another guy look like sucker, but you might meet a woman you genuinely like as an individual.
Again, sorry for the mix up and thanks for the correction.
-mishmash
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2011): well youve mixed up my question "mishmash" but I guess it suits your screenname I'm a boy (male) and the girl is my interest as I appear to be hers.. I'm not a girl or gay as your answer assumes lol
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2011): ...ahhh...women can be each other's worst enemies.
Usually a stare at you when she's with a male partner means she's threatened that he'll find you attractive or she did in fact find his attention waiver.
But, I also think you knew that before you asked the question. I don't think that's a good excuse to poach other women's men though...if you proceeded to go "on the prowl" as you put it, it means you get a rise out of competing with other women, and consequently not out of having a relationship with the man. It's a short sighted way of forming relationships and frankly, I think you'de get more out of meeting and courting a single man you like.
Might the other woman be a bit insecure? Absolutely...
Is that a good reason to interfere in other's relationships? No.
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