A
female
 ,
*larey
writes:I have been dating someone for six months. He is 51 and thinks the world of me. I have tried to finish with him three times because he has done some very dodgy things. Both his marriages failed because of infidelity, the first with his wife's sister (20 years ago). He says he is too old now to carry on as he was (his last dodgy period was only 4 years ago though). He was unfaithful in his second marriage after they had been married only 10 months. The second aspect is that my first love came over from Australia recently and after seeing each other we had a huge emotional reaction. His marriage lasted 24 years (we are both in our forties but I feel like a teenager) and he wants to come back in January because he says he has fallen completely and totally in love with me. I feel the same things we had when we were young, but obviously we have both changed and have been finding out about each other all over again. I feel he is the more reliable and that I could have my big life love. My problem is believing in this. I am also finding it hard to end things with my naughty man because he is trying so hard. Any ideas?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (30 September 2005):
 Well, what do you actually feel for your present partner? Do you love him or not? You say he isn't reliable because of previous infidelities with other people (I'm assuming he hasn't been unfaithful while being with you) but do you feel he can't or won't be faithful to you as well? If it wasn't for his previous mistakes, would you forget about trying to get back with your ex?
Life is full of risks but I think on this one, you ought to be honest and go with whatever your heart tells you. What do you feel for your ex? Is it more than what you feel for your present partner?
You do realise, I'm sure, that you aren't being exactly fair on your current partner by considering leaving him for someone else and then talking about his past affairs!
You need to make up your mind about what you want and then go for it before you end up losing a chance with either of them.
Good luck.
A
reader, pops +, writes (30 September 2005):
Oh, come on! Just tell him you don't see a future for the two of you, and you would feel better if he stopped calling you. Tell him you will not go out with him. You sound like you really want your cake, and also eat it too. If the old flame is really coming back from Australia for you, be happy, and start making plans to make him happy, too. If you are not sure, then decide whether you really want to chance it with this new, old guy. Pick. You can't have them both. Its illegal!
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