A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:There is someone I went to speak to, but I'm no sure what to say and whether he find the fact I want to talk to him strange as there is as 17 year ago different, he's older, I always wouldn't know how to phrase my message to him so that he doesn't find it odd, I met him a few weeks ago but I didn't speak too him as such because I'm quite a shy person so find it hard to approach people but now I just feel there was something about him that I would like to get to know and it's been bugging me for a while now about sending him a message as I'm worried he may something nasty, find it weird or just not reply. He messaged me at first but I wasn't sure if it was just a message to be polite as opposed to having a conversation and now I would like to try and make conversation, any ideas of what I should say?
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (19 August 2019):
 Is this the same question?
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/id-like-to-talk-to-this-older-man.html
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2019): Typo correction:
"What do you want from him?"
If you would presume someone could give you a nasty response, what possible interest could you have in someone like that?
If you've gone so far as to give him a number to message you, what's your motive here? What do want him to do?
You even make me a little nervous. You're bold enough to give someone your number; then when you get a message, you clam-up and don't know what to say to him. I'm so sorry, my dear! I think you should only offer people your contact information that you're not too shy to talk to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2019): He has to be cautious as not to misinterpret your interest as just friendly, or something else. If you're too shy, that makes him feel like a creep; and he doesn't want to humiliate himself by flirting with someone 17 years younger than he is.
There's a creep-factor to be considered here. Why would someone your age be so dead-on interested in an older-man she hardly knows? How is he supposed to respond; when a wrong-move could spell total disaster?
I think you will have to allow things to progress slowly over time. He can't chance making a move on someone so much younger; he could humiliate himself publicly. He may also be involved romantically; and it would seem awkward for him to show any real inclination towards dating someone so much younger.
To be brutally honest, creep-factor goes two-ways. He feels a little weirded-out for someone your age to be interested; and someone his age is normally gross to someone in your age-group.
What do you want form him? If you're too shy, maybe you're playing out of your league just yet!
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (3 June 2019):
 So he is around 40.
So you met. He messaged you. You just didn't reply.
Now you are afraid to message him because he might just not reply?
Here is the deal. He is in that age range commonly known as Creepy old guy. Because of that he could get into a lot of trouble if he aggressively pursues conversations or a date with you. So he made a soft approach. You, due to inexperience, shyness and uncertainty, ghosted him. Now because of your age differences he can not safely reoffer the contact. In other words the ball is in your court if something is going to happen you will have to initiate it.
OK now that we have established the background your question was how to say something to ham without sounding awkward.
So your established method of communication is text message, good you can type it out, review it all before committing to send it. That helps a shy person to avoid embarrassing tongue slips. I think you should say something like. Hi, I'm _____. We met at _____. I'm sorry it has taken this long to get back to you, I was nervous. When we met, your _______ impressed me. I'd like to get to know you better. Could we do something together?
In general I would advise against a relationship with someone that much older, but you seem determined, and at this early stage a few coffee dates to learn more would be OK.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (3 June 2019):
 What do you want to come of this? If not a relationship, it's probably not worth it. If a relationship, what do you think you'll have in common with someone 17 years older? Some friendships/relationships like that work, but it's rare for a reason.
Perhaps you're concerned he'll be nasty because you subconsciously got that vibe or that he'll find it weird because you know it is unusual.
Just be yourself. If it's going to work out, you have to just behave however you would normally, even if that's shy. Just say hi and try to initiate a conversation like you would with anyone else :)
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