A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm confused! My husband cheated on me numerous of times (5) I got herpes from him, separated for nine months almost got divorced and dicided to give our kids one more chance to have mom and dad together. And now after being 5 years back together I think I made a big mistake, because he still looking at wommen, and I still have the feeling of being cheated on. I have expressed to him how i feel over and over, but it just don't help at all...I have a big fustration.I'd like to save my marrige - but it feels like it's only me trying. What should I do?
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cheated on me, divorce, herpes Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): Id say to leave the relationship. This is no good and is unfair to you as well as the children. The children are always the main importance and I can understand why you would want to stay with him for there sake but is it worth it?
Something unusual needs to happen for him to take you seriously like you kicking his ass out and showing him that you will not take it. Dont do it just to prove to him though, do it for your self and your children. He does not deserve you and is taking you for granted as he knows that you will always be around. He believes that you are his property and that he can run back to you whenever he pleases. End the pain now and begin the road to healing. You are a strong women and dont need this - look in the mirror and tell yourself this. Your confidence and self esteem are obviously low for you to have put up with this for so long. Run girl run and dont look back!
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (3 July 2008):
 Hi,
If his behaviour is reminiscent of old days and you have a feeling he may be cheating , then chances are he is.
Looking at other girls isnt necessarily a sign that he is cheating though ( hell, I do it all the time!) but you obviously have more concrete suspicions than that.
And cheating on you 5 times and giving you herpes, sheesh mate.. that is not good at all. Do you have any spare money? maybe you could hire a private detective to see what he's up to if you think he's still playing away from home.
Your children will be much better of being raised by you on their own rather than with a cheating father as a role model.
good luck .
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A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker  +, writes (3 July 2008):
 Cheating once might, possibly, be regarded as a silly mistake and a lesson learned. Five times just isn't forgivable under any circumstances that I could think of.
It's probably going to happen again. And that won't be good for you or for the children. It's all very well to say that it's best for the kids to have mom and dad together, but surely this sort of thing is more disrupting to their lives than having you separated? Children need stability, to know what's what and not to have things changing all the time. I would have thought that it's far better in these sort of circumstances to have a proper, separated arrangement so that everyone, including the children, knows exactly where they are, where everyone else is, and where they are going.
Apart from that, I would mention that "looking at women" shouldn't be a problem. Most men do it. I do it. It's the track record he has of doing far more than just looking that's your problem. It is just possible, I suppose, that if the last time he cheated was 5 years ago then maybe all he's doing is looking? I think it would be quite reasonable to want to find out, and if your feeling that he is cheating is right, then you need to make that decision of how you want things to continue. It's your decision, and you really need to sit down calmly once you have all the facts and take it one thought at a time until you are absolutely sure how you want to proceed - ending it (or whatever) in a blazing argument won't get either of you anywhere and just makes it all worse for the children.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): I am going through a situation now where I have a very strong feeling that my husband is cheating. I am trying to gather proof. What I do know is that if he gave me a disease, there would be no question of making it work, because it would be over. Having a affair is bad enough, but not caring enough to protect himself and putting my health and life at risk is to much. Your husband will continue to look at women, because you are trying so hard, that he doesn't feel the need to put forth the effort. He is confident that you won't leave so therefore he does not need to change his behaviors. Believe me I know, I don't want to leave my husband on a assumption, but once I get the proof, I am done. I have to value myself, more than I value him. Good luck, I hope things work out for the best.
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