A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey! Older virgins, I need you to come out of the shadows for a second and talk to me. I'm 22 and I made the decision a while ago to try and wait till I'm married to have sex, or at least a strong relationship. I think in the long run I've made the right choice. Plus the fact that I'm Christian and we are not suppose to have premarital sex in first place. My question to you is, how do you deal the fact that their are 15 and 16 year olds out there with fully active sex lives. Its just infuriating, it drives me nuts! Every time I hear some 15 year old wine about how he hasn't gotten laid this week I just want to reach through the computer and shake him! I don't really know if I hate them or envy them. It just irritates me so much because I know if I wanted to I could easily just get together with one of my female friends, but I know if I do that I'll feel like sh!t the rest of my life. Well its really to late to change my mind now. At 22 I'm pretty much committed at this point. Although in all likelihood I'll never find another virgin in my own age group. I just hope that this doesn't go on to much longer. I have to say the prospect of being a 30 or 40 year old virgin SCARES THE HELL OUT OF ME!!! Well, maybe I'll get lucky eh? Ah probably not.I hope some of what I just said made sense. I think this just turned out to be more of a rant then a question :P, but if anyone has any comments or suggestions I'd like to hear them. Maybe I just need to stop thinking! ha ha!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009): I am a 28, almost 29, year old virgin. I too am a Christian and am saving myself for marriage. I would absolutely love to marry a fellow virgin, but at the same time I realize that the chances of that are very slim and that not everyone was raised like I was. I just know I have to do what I think is right, no matter what everyone else is doing. I think it's great that you are waiting, and I think when you meet that special someone, it won't matter whether she is one or not.
As for young kids having sex, it's just crazy! I knew what sex was at that age, but it never occurred to me to get out and do it! Looking at all the pregnancies and STD's that go on nowadays, I'm so glad I didn't.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): Just make sure you are waiting for YOU. If you're waiting for sex just because you want a virgin woman, this won't get you one. The fact is that most women care less about their partners past status than we do.
This double-screws guys for trying to hold out and save themselves. Not only do most girls not hold it against other guys for being male sluts, but the girls also give themselves a green light for lots of partners when they're young this way. The girls figure, "I don't care about my eventual husband's past sex life, so if he loves me then he won't care about mine." The logic makes perfect sense but emotions and jealousy have absolutely nothing to do with logic.
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (2 December 2009):
 I'm 25, male, Christian, just got dumped by a fianceé, and still have my virginity. (As it happens, that dumping happened a week after she gave her virginity to someone else. She's 22.)
I know a number of fellow virgins, some for religious reasons, some simply because they haven't found someone. All of us are in our twenties. (I'm thinking of five friends off the top of my head.)
Then again, I'm thinking of friends that are NOT virgins. One slept around a bit and ultimately settled into a marriage with a man that doesn't love her, but the sex was good (at first). Another is still single, but has a two year old son now (she's 25). I'm lucky enough not to have friends with AIDS or other nasty STDs, but know people on both sides and they're mostly all happy with whatever they chose. The virgins are happy to still have it for someone special and the sexual friends are just trying to keep the number of partners down.
Believe me, I'm scared of being a virgin forever too. I was about to marry next year, about to lose mine at 26 on my wedding night, and now I'm back to looking for a girlfriend to start all over again. But I'm still glad I held onto it. Both of my serious relationships have ended with the girl cheating on me, and I'd really rather not give it up to a girl that's giving herself to other men. And I TRUSTED these girls, entirely, so you can never really know. If you don't want to lose yours, or if you DO want to lose yours, always do it for yourself, never for your partner. This is YOUR virginity. I applaud you for keeping it.
But yes. I see 14 year old kids, FOURTEEN!, that are sexually active and looking for advice on how to give better blowjobs, or how to spice things up and add some kinks, or how to make their boyfriends happier. It makes me feel sick, and very sad. I wish there were a solution I could think of, but that's how it is these days. By the time kids hit high school, they either already have done it, or are about to. I dated one girl that graduated high school as a virgin, and I counted myself lucky. But I know others like her. They're out there.
I wouldn't call myself totally innocent. I've gone to third base more than once, and just holding onto that one last thing doesn't really count as virginity in some people's books, and I can't say I'm entirely proud of giving up as much as I have, so make your own decisions about me, but I am very glad to hear I'm not the only one that is at least saving something and is upset at kids doing so much so soon. (FYI, third base didn't happen with me until I was 19.)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): Hello. First I commend you on your decision. There is nothing wrong with it and I hope you do continue to wait until you find the right woman, and yes the prospects of her not necessarily being a virgin are out there. But I am 26, and still a virgin. It doesn't really bother me. I didn't do it because of religious reasons (although that was the reason when I was younger)now I'm just waiting for the right guy.
I feel sorry for a lot of these teens that are having sex because they open themselves up to many problems that might not arise if they had waited: bad reputations, STD's, unplanned pregnancies, and just having sex before they have all the knowledge about the full physical and emotional aspects involved in having sex. While I do know many people who had sex in their teens a vast majority of them also regret it.
You are doing the right thing and one day when you meet the right woman and you finally do give her your virginity the fact that you waited all this time will be something special and meaningful to her as well as you. My advice would be to look for someone in your church or through one of those online dating sites specifically for Christians. You might have good luck on there finding someone with similar values and views as well as possibly a virgin. I have quite a few friends that go to church around me that are still virgin's in their mid 20's so they are out there.
Relax and enjoy life, sex complicates things so just enjoy having one less complication in your life right now. And remember there are a lot more virgins out there around your age (both male and female) than you think.
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