A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi,im 23yrs old i have been single for about four years and have been happy going out with my single mates but lately ive missed being with someone but i have found it very hard to meet genuine men the men i meet down town come up to me and talk to me as if im a slapper which im not and dont give off that impression but they just ask for sex and thats not what i want im studying fashion at college so there are no men in my class i just wondered from a mens point of view what makes you want to go out with one women and just sleep with others my male friends say its because im too goodlooking and some men are intimidated by me so i took this advice and asked a lad for a drink who i met a few months ago when he asked me out and i turned him down now he seeing someone else so doesnt want to know i know im young but i just dont want to be the only one on my own which i am at the minute thanks for reading x Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (21 May 2008):
 "What makes you want to go out with one women and just sleep with others?"
Most men have a considerably lower standard for women they'd sleep with compared to ones they'd want a relationship with. Most of us would sleep with most women to be honest, if we're single and its no strings attached, as long as we don't have to see her again.
Unfortunately, for some (maybe many) men, if you have sex straight away you tend to get put in the 'just sleep with' category. It's not necessarily fair but thats just the way men can be.
For a relationship, it's pretty much what you'd expect. Someone we can relate to, enjoy being around, share interests with, are comfortable being intimate with. Finding out these things takes time. Thats one reason why nightclubs and bars are an unlikely (but not impossible) place to meet a suitable long term partner: its usually a superficial and fleeting encounter, and its hard to learn much about someone. Better is to get to know someone in a 'normal' context over time, where you can both start to feel whether you'd be right for each other.
Given you're not meeting (m)any men through fashion, I suggest starting one or more other social activities where you can meet men in a friendly but non-sexual environment (ie not a nightclub). Preferably one where there are more men than women... ie don't take up yoga! Think about your other interests and then look for ways to follow more of those in a social context.
In my case, when I moved somewhere new, I joined a band. Not because I wanted to meet groupies! But because it introduced me to a wide circle of other musicians, including women. But the right thing to do is different for each person. Do something you'll enjoy and the fact that you'll be enjoying it will make you more attractive and confident too.
Good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008): Until you get to know someone, it is hard in the beginning. We all have responsibilities which make it harder to have time to devoute to a stranger.
Very few guys are into fashion, and most probably consider it a waste of time, though you can make good money in it. Conversations in fashion should be avoided, but other interest you have you can include in the package of getting to know someone better and learning what makes them tick.
Finding guys is probably as difficult as meeting girls. School of course is the best place to meet people who will share more of your own interest, and less into partying and looking for one night stands. Clubs and bars are the worse place for meeting people unless your looking for one night stands.
I've visited London a few years ago, and found it hard to chat with local folks. Those I did talk to, were not citizens but foreigners who worked there. The country side it seemed scare of people, so I wouldn't have a clue. The market is rough unless you have a setting like school our social outlets with more inteligent conversations then the party attitude places.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (20 May 2008):
 Hi there,
you are meeting these guys because this is what happens on a night out. Guys and girls are on the pull.
It's great to see you are more interested in a meaningful commitment but you also need to change your social habits a little. Don't stop going out with the girls but when you go out with them don't have any expectations of meeting Mr Right. Mr Right is not out on the town talking to girls in pubs, that's Mr Pickup.
So do some activities in your local area where you will meet different people, or more importantly where single men will be.
As the other aunt said you will end up meeting Mr Right in the last place you would think. but one thing is for sure, you won't meet him on a Friday night at your local pickup joint.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Fiona xxx +, writes (20 May 2008):
 Believe it or not, I met my husband in a night club!
So I agree you find love when you least expect it somehow. I thought the same right up until we met.
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (20 May 2008):
 If you are out on a night out with the girls then lads will try it on for a one night stand as some of them think thats what girls are for. There may be a lovely guy out one night who really wants to sweep you off your feet but how do you spot them or will you really ever bump into them. Try other areas to meet guys, take up a new hobby but dont look for love. It usually happens in the most unexpected of places when your arent even looking for it but its not something you can chase. It will happen especially if you are good looking and it will catch you unawares!! Good luck x
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