A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a boyfriend that I have been with for four months now. We have known eachother for almost 2 years and were best friends before we got together. I liked him for a long time and come to find out after telling him 4 months ago he was in love with me. I was so touched and I have fallen in love with him too. My problem is I am a very outgoing person and I dont hold anything back from him and he is very very shy when it comes to women. I was the one who approached him about the idea of dating. Now that we are together I find I am having a hard time getting him out of his shell and being more affectionate with me and communicating. Any ideas on how I can get him out of his shell? I dont want us to break up and he doesnt either. I just want him to communicate more with me and not be so shy anymore lol .
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (18 September 2009):
Well it took him 2 years to even ask you out so you may have to accept that this is the way he is. You didn't seriously think you were ever actually FRIENDS with this guy. He was only there being so nice because he liked you but was scared to say anything.
Not everyone can be outgoing and talk about things, in the same way not everyone can sing or dance.
I've had this kind of guy in my life before and I've tried to help them as a mate, to be more confident and be more happy.
But in the end I've had to let some of them go. We've just been so different and I've realised it'd be like someone trying to get me to be more quiet and awkward.... it's never going to happen.
I think in this case although you say you fell for him (I suspect you think he's really sweet and charming but will discover that's as deep as it goes and you really love him as a friend.) you'll come to realise that his cute quietness and all the things you find sweet now, will start being REALLY annoying in a year or so.
Good Luck!! xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): Many people suffer from shyness, whether it be in relationsips or other areas like social gatherings, etc.
First thing that you may want to consider is where is he most outgoing (feelings-wise)? In writing, online, etc?
Once you know where he's most comfortable, see if he would be willing to talk with you through those mediums. It'll seem silly and strange at first, but it can help with communication. (Example: If he's more outgoing when it comes to writing, he can send you letters each day writing about anything that comes to mind. )
When he's comfortable talking with you about affection/communicating, begin slowly having small talks about something. (Example: Like spend 10 minutes and first you tell him everything you love about him, then he tells you everything he loves about you.)
It takes a long time, but eventually both him and you will be able to talk and be more affectionate with each other more. I hope everything goes well! =D
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