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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi,I am planning to get married in April 2008, my Mum and dad have a really good family run business which I have worked really hard at for the past 6 years. I have mentioned a prenuptual agreement as I would hate it to be distroyed in the future if (god forbid) me and my partner split. He has said he wont marry me if I do this? Is he being unreasonable or am I killing the romance so much that he wont marry me? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CaptainPicard +, writes (15 November 2006):
 Never give up! I just have huge fight with my girlfriend on this issue but this is probably the only thing I won't compromise. If your future wife/husband don't want to sign a prenup, he/she want to marry you for your money, as simple as that. If the only reason to marry is to make a commitment and maybe raise a family nobody should have any problem to sign a prenup. Whenever I hear these people that don't have any money and a bunch of debt about getting married with someone successful makes me sick
Some people think that prenups are for rich people but I disagree. No matter if you have assets of 10k or 100 million, if your partner doesn't have equal assets you Must have a prenup.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2006): my fiancee gave me a prenup too...i got very upset as it was a very unfair prenup...it does give u a bad taste...i was so turnedd off by it..his main concern was the house his parent left him...free and clear title(didnt blame him), his other concern was his business, his been working on that company for 12 years...the truth his you need to negotiate...well, i make pretty good $$$ too, and he did see some benefits from it already...
in the end we decide it that he keeps the house, unless we decide to change the rules for it in the future, but the company get split in too, and im talking about the equity of it...although i am not to receive my half right away if that will jepordize the company, so we decide it to swap it, or get paid slowly...so basically whatever the income of both of you's are during the marriage has to be split equally....now my situation is different as i might need to stay home if we have kids...yours might be different so you still need to talk to a good attorney...best bet...get a single old bitter woman/lawyer...
good luck hun
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2006): Let him read these answers you are not doing anything wrong. are you an only child, will the bussiness be past to you? think long and hard about this as it's better to be safe than sorry how long have you been with your b/f as somtimes it don't matter how long if he refuses to marry you because of this he aint worth marrying at all
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (27 July 2006):
 You should not back down from the prenuptial agreement. Here are my reasons:
First, people other than your fiance have a stake (and equity) in this business. They want to protect their investments of money and sweat. From a purely business perspective your upcoming marriage introduces risk to the business and a good businessperson would mitigate that risk.
Second, your fiance is behaving selfishly. He has put no equity into this business, and if he had any kind of business sense he would completely support your request.
You should ask him what he really fears about the prenuptial agreement. He needs to see the legitimate business concerns that are external to your relationship. He also needs to come up with reasons for his objections that stand up to business logic. If it's all emotions and petulant behaviour then he's got some more explaining to do. And maybe some growing up to do.
One other option that you could consider (but only in the distant future and perhaps in addition to the prenup) is to have your parents buy out your share. Then the business risk is goes away from your parents' perspective. But I wouldn't bring that this option up now with your fiance. He needs to fully explain himself first.
Good luck and take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2006): A prenup is definitely fair, but it also adds a bit of an unethical trust issue there. As if the marriage will doom to fail no matter what. It's really a moral thing emotionally. Then again, I wish that Canadian marriage laws add prenuptial agreements when people get married automatically. Then it brush aside these sort of awkwardness/trust issues.
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A
female
reader, snowbird +, writes (26 July 2006):
 Oh, oh...alarm bells are ringing here.. call his bluff and see what he does - If he will not marry you chances are his values are suspect - he wants to feather his nest more than he wants you, so you can take it as a warning. He should understand that a lot of marriages fail these days, through no-ones fault necessarily. If not - you won't be needing him! Hope this helps you, and that he comes around to your (very valid) point of view. BYW, Had he put the same amount of graft/money into the business as you, I would be able to see his point. Good luck, take care!
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (26 July 2006):
 This document will protect your parent's as well so they have right to ask for this. I think your partner is out of line, he should have no problem signing this if he truly loves you. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2006): I had the chance to draw up a prenup because I bought our house by myself without the help of my fiance. I didn't because my he was putting up a fuss about how I didn't trust him. Needless to say I didn't do it and now I definitly wish I had. It's hard to see things when you're in the actual situation. I would definitly get the prenup drawn up and if he has a problem with it, remind him that if something dreadful did occur that it's not harming him at all, it's just a comfort (see: protection) for your family (and you, too!). You're not killing the romance, you're being rational, smart, and thinking ahead.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2006): I think it's fair enough. Do you want to marry him if he's so unreasonable?
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