A
male
age
36-40,
*urphyjam
writes:Hi guys, this is a fairly common question but its worth asking because it's tearing me up at a very stressful time. Basically I was madly in love with this girl for about a year and we kept goin out for a year and a half. I loved her so much but we had a really shit summer and it carried on when we started back at college (We had been going long distance for alot of the time before, and I was always worried things would get weird when I finally started college in her hometown). We were both kind of miserable and I just felt really trapped and stifled (still only very young and admittedly immature as I am today!) and it just didn't feel as good or as natural as it did before. I was also jealous of her past and felt like I had missed out on something, if I'm honest so that probably contributed. But even still I really cared about her, I never really stopped, but I really needed a proper break from her, having obsessed myself with her for so long. We had a few breaks and then I finally just broke it off with her and, well I pretty much broke her heart and I felt like shit for ages and AGES! I was in a strange town and I missed her but knew that I couldn't be with her while we were both so stressed with college and miserable, and it kind of made me fall out of love with her. We were both to blame but I never stopped thinking about or worrying about her. I hadn't seen her in ages and then I saw her out, she completly ignored me. It really hurt, but fair enough she had another guy with her and I didnt want to fuck that up on her. I really just wanted her to be happy, so I asked her friend how she was and she said she was happy, but Ive never wanted to hold anyone as much in my life. Possibly a little jealous but I know I have no right to be, and to be honest the other guy seemed nice and I was glad she wasnt as broken up as when I left her. Then I saw her out again and she wouldnt even look at me. I miss her so much now that it's killing me and I have all these feelings that I had tried to get over rushing back at me, love and sadness. I really want her in my life as at least a friend, I never wanted her totally out of it, but I also don't want to cause her anymore pain. I feel like I'll regret forever if I don't at least talk to her because she is going away next year and I don't want to see her go knowing she hates my guts and I still really care for her. What should I do? I keep thinkingf how things were but I also think of how it felt when we couldnt support eachother and I felt trapped. We pretty much spent all our time with eachother and little on ourselves or our friends. That's probably what led to the break up, but it doesn't help me stop missing her. I have been with other girls, some more asthetically beautiful one might say - but nothing as good as with her, and we have been broken up for over half a year now. I know I hurt her real bad and I don't want to fuck her up any worse, but I need her in my life because I would stil consider her my best friend or at least one of them. Am I just being stupid? Do I still love her or am I just being petty and selfish? I dont want to just be like everyone else in this situation and walk into her life and tear it apart just because I miss her, but I would like to at least talk to her to see if the feelings are real or shallow. I would still give her a kidney if she needed it! lol Any help?
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best friend, her past, immature, jealous, long distance, trapped Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, the.archer +, writes (22 September 2008):
i would say that unless you're prepared to try again with her (presuming she talks to u..) and know for definate that you won't break her heart again in the same way.. then leave her be... from my own experience i don't think being friends would be a wise idea... it would probably be more painful for both of you!.. especially as she's with someone else ..but that's just my opinion...
do you not think that maybe some of this is because you haven't seen her in ages? seeing an ex the 1st time after you break up always stirs up feelings...
i would say give it time.. or even send an email and see if she responds... chances are she still has feelings for you but is probably still very hurt..
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