A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupidMy bf has some money problems and he asked me to pay few bills of his. I didn't have that much money myself at that time, hence i told him to wait till my next pay check. We are constantly arguing for the past few days. He never calls and if i do he always fights with me. I even tried no contact rule, nothing worked. He always he loves me but his actions never proved it.Anyway coming back to the money issue, i couldn't arrange the money as i said, since i needed to pay down payment for my car, my other car broke on me, so told him to wait for few more days. He again started fighting with me, which is not related to the money but i sensed it might be since he stormed out of my apartment in the middle of the night and asked me never call him again.I got money from my sister and paid his bills, sent him text. He replied 'ok' and i didn't call him and he didn't either. What should i do now? I was waiting for a cheap good car for a long time, when i got the deal i had to pay down payment. Did i do wrong here, by paying for my car instead of paying his bills. But i did pay his bills didn't i, then why is he still angry with me. Now i am the one who has to pay for my car and loan from my sister in near future. I didn't want to pay his bills, but i couldn't tell him so, thought he might leave me if i do. This is not the first time i paid his bills and he never returns my money back and he works and gets good pay. He has bought a house a year back and most of his money goes out there for mortgage and i am the one who is broke now.i hate myself so much for being his puppet, i couldn't get out. Believe me i tried a lot but somehow he sneaks back and he always uses my vulnerability against me and gets what he wanted. i couldn't stop thinking about him.Am i trying to buy love, if so what's wrong with me. Please help me
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female
reader, curious1987  +, writes (4 June 2012):
 why cant he pay his own bills? from what you said, you dont live together, so u and your bills should be top prority. dont let him bully into paying HIS bills. ttell him no... say you cant afford it, that u have your own bills to pay just like him. if he walks out then let him go. and find someone who will treat you right. with respect and love .. xx good luck n be strong
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (4 June 2012):
 He is angry because he is greedy and he wants everything to himself but can't wait. The world owes him. It's everybody's fault that he can't spend on a 50 dollar entree, get 5 cars and go on a vacation right now. It's just too bad you can't see how depressed he is because he is not living the kind of lifestyle he absolutely is entitled to. He spends money he doesn't have. He uses people like they are extensions of himself. This is classic psychopath behavior. So if you even think of getting things yourself you are an impediment to his life, slowing down his progress getting the material things he wants.
The common misconception is that women who can't get out of this relationships have issues in childhood, like they were abused before. The finding is that many educated, independent smart women fell into the traps of psychopaths and find it hard to get out. Psychopaths pick women who are loving, empathetic, giving and forgiving individuals. They like women who have sheltered upbringing, and are trusting, so they can't see through their deceptions and manipulations. The thing that's wrong with you now is that you have a soft heart and it pains you to see that a fucked up individual like this can't change.
Block his phone number. Explain to your sister your situation and ask for her understanding that you need time to pay her back. You have broken up with him before so doing it again shouldn't be difficult. The next step is to figure out what you do if he stalks you, or irrationally say you owe him money. You might need a restrain order.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2012): What you have done for him is very sweet, loving, and selfless- key ingredients to a great relationship. What you did was way out of your way, and you deserve a "thank you" in the very least. Although I do not know your full situation, I do know that you can and should recieve the same lovingkindness. I know how scary it is to think of leaving someone that you have invested everything into and have many memories with, but you CAN find someone worthy of your love. To me, it seems that he has cut the cord by asking never to call him again- I know it hurts really bad, but think of the opportunities! I know the idea of being alone is scary, but there are many others who need a friend like you and someone who needs another half. No matter what you have been through with this person, you can start fresh today. It's a new month, time for a new outlook! Remember that God's love for you is unchanging, and his word can be depended upon. He sees and knows everything- from the needs of your heart to your deepest regret. The best part is, he can meet your needs and forgive you for your sins if you let him into your life. God has plans to prosper you, not to harm you. Whatever is done to you is done to Christ also- everything belongs to him in the first place. I encourage you to get out of this situation and hold tightly to God- he will be with you if you ask him to. Do the best you can with things during this painful season, and never miss an opportunity to meet someone new or help someone.
You are a beautiful person, loved by God, who can and should be loved by a selfless man who appreciates your efforts.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2012): Yeah you're trying to buy love from someone who is only using you in return. He doesn't love you at all and never will, you're a doormat and he's taking full advantage of you.
Why on earth would you let someone use you like this. Have you got no self esteem? Would losing a man who's manipulative, selfish and will probably leave you in the future for someone he does actually respect, be such a bad thing?
Basically it comes down to this, you either cut your loses now or you continue to lend him money, pay off his debts, waste your time with him when you could be meeting the love of your life and wait for him to make the ultimate fool of you when he leaves for someone else. Money won't keep him around forever.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2012): Be strong. treat yourself with the respect you deserve !
don't let people, ANYONE take you for granted for ANYTHING !
YOU ARE STRONG ! YOU CAN BE STRONG !
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