A
female
age
41-50,
*tephanie1974
writes:My husband is beyond Lazy. We have been together for 17 years. For 17 years he has hardly made an income or effort to better himself. I am so exhausted i sometimes cry for hours in private. I would have left him many years ago but we have kids and he is a good dad even though hes extreamly lazy. We were teenage parents and have been out on our own since we were 16 without help from anyone pretty much.It has been a rough road believe me when your a kid and have no one to turn to for help. Even though He hasn't been there financially he has been emotionally. We have raised our kids together,when no one else was so I am emotionally attached in a deep way.I love him with all of my heart but he is killing me inside. Hw could he watch me work night and day from 8 am to 10 pm 5 days a week and watch tv?i even work on saturdays half the day.When im not working im so tired I cant enjoy the one day off i have. He is all I've ever had besides my kids that really loved me.I dont want to destroy my family. My kids need their father. I work 70 hours a week in sales to support my entire family pretty much by myself.I have been working this way for years and years. His income about covers groceries and gas and he thinks that's enough even though I try talking about it,I fight about it,i cry about it i have begged nothing matters.Our feud has been going on for years and I have lived my life not caring about my own needs because I love my kids and dont want them to be raised without their dad or in a broken home. sometimes I do start caring about myself and that's when there is a problem. I am focused on my kids needs but now they are teenagers and I'm left with bills that keep me awake at night while he watches tv.I feel like Ive missed out on so much with them because all i do is work trying to support everyone with no help from anyone. i miss them and wish i could spend time with them more then anything in this world,they are my world.My husband is so lazy I have to beg for him to mow the lawn or do anything around our house.he rarely cooks or cleans . All he really seems to want me for is to pay bills and have sex with him.I have no sex drive anymore so thats not even a great experience either it's also like a chore. He doesn't care about doing anything responsible yet he says he does. He will work the minimum of what he needs to at his job and that's it. Im so tired of being tired. I feel so depressed and hopeless he has no ambition in life and I am the complete opposite. I love my husband and dont want to break up our family but this is destroying me.What can I do to change this besides forget that I matter.I just feel like I cant take it any longer.
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female
reader, athenasteph +, writes (9 September 2007):
 Hello , everyone. There is always two sides to the story and I`m not a "Lazy Ass". This women who has been my wife for 17yrs has always wanted the million dollar house,the fifty thousand dollar car and the 20,0000 thousand dollar diamond ring to a appear like magic. I work forty plus hours, granted she has been working 65 plus hrs at her home.We work in a very stressful sales position with a company that is making alot of cutbacks lately and it is making life very strained. I was in real estate in a state where we are in a declining market and it was hard for me to let this business go. The women making these comments is a powerful strong minded type A personality.The type that it feels like you`re in competition with at all times not an equal marriage. It`s more like a dictatorship.
I cook,clean and do lawn work. Not everyday because we have kids that have chores that they do. So things are maintained. When you have some one over your shoulder every minute telling you what to do ,how to do it ,when and where to do it. This can make a sane person insane. You see we both have priorities mixed up.Now both priorities are with good intentions just different. What I`m trying to say is when you are critisized for everything and appreciated for nothing it will not motivate for good things to happen in a relationship.You see right now as I write this after getting home from work at 10:30 pm I`m being told I need to grow up for writing this. I just wanted you all to know thar I`m not the couch crum she is making me out to be.
A
female
reader, penta +, writes (4 September 2007):
 He treats you this way because he can. Unless you change your reaction to him, he's not going to change. Why should he? He has the best of everything.Call a family meeting. Let everyone know that you are tired. 70 hours a week is unreasonable. Tell everyone that you as a family are going to have to "downsize" because you are going to cut your hours and so won't have as much money. Remain calm, and stick to your guns. You're right.Work on a family budget; tell them what you'll make at 50 hours per week and have them help you prioritize on where the money goes (and that going into debt wasn't an option). Let them know that you had better get a lot of help around the house, or you are going to cut your work hours to 40/wk to compensate (and so there will be even less money).Privately tell your husband that you're too tired for sex. That unless you get some help around the house or with the bills you don't see that improving. That you have so much resentment for his lack of help that it's going to take a while before you want to be intimate with him again, because you just don't feel loved by him.Then cut your hours, stop doing housework, cancel the cable and any other "luxury" and let the chips fall.
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A
female
reader, Cateyes +, writes (4 September 2007):
 Let me state I do not have any children, however, I grew up in a family of 5 kids, me being the youngest and then with both my parents...7 total. My dad worked his you know what off to support all of us while my mom did all the chores, PTA meetings, attend school functions (dad came to sometimes) and taught me and my sister how to cook, clean, wash clothes and the boys to assit my dad with yard work, etc.. If all your husband does is "just" a little to say he did something....17 yrs or not, MOVE ON! He is taking advantage of a wonderful woman who deserves to be treated as a wonderful woman...and I am sure you are! Now-a-days, it probably does take both parents to work full time jobs to pay all the bills to assit their kids with college, high school, vehicles...being sick...you name it! Does he not think of that? Does he not think of how many hours you are putting in? This makes me think, and I am sorry to say, he does not care. He has a free ride till retirement age. Never settle yourself short, never say never...those are my favorite words to live by. You can do anything...ANYTHING you set your mind to and be happy...without the worrying, constant crying, being upset and not living a happy life you deserve. Even if your kids do not understand now, they will later if you divorce...which I would already be at the lawyers office by now!!! No woman or man for that matter deserves to be treated, nor disrespected...which that is what I feel he is doing. You are there to "do everything" and have sex with him to make "him" feel good. I understand EXACTLY what you feel....and life CAN and WILL be so much better once you decide to move on. Never let ANYONE take advantage of you...YOU sound like an awesome, independent lady who can conquer anything...you will find the way...we always do. Best of luck to you and your future!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007): I don't know how you managed to put up with him for so long! I would have left him years ago.
He dosen't work
He dosen't do the housework
He's beyond lazy
Tell your kids to help and tell them how you feel, make sure you seem serious about this. Then tell them about their dad and how it's hurting you the fact he's such an lazy idiot. This man a very bad example on your kids, you are raising them to think men just lay around and women do ALL the work. I would get out of the relationship, your he's slave.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007): Aren't your kids adults now? They must be at least 17, right? You will still have to work but they can get jobs to support their own spending habits. My mom had me paying rent at age 17. She also didn't have any help & had 4 kids. I was the only one left, and she said I had to pay rent. At 17, I was paying 300 a month rent. I was also paying my own car costs, & everything else. You need to tell your husband he has to either get a full time job & do his half or you're leaving. Your kids are almost adults now and you did this for too long. The kids will understand and their father can still see them. It will not make you look like the bad guy. It will make him because he is the one ruining this marriage by treating you like a paycheck & being a lazy ass. Stand up fpr yourself. Tell your children how you feel, & then talk to their father. If he won't do anything, leave him.
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