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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: i need to know if im still a virgin!! i have been with my boyfriend for 4 months and he stopped at mine on thursday and we both fell asleep but then when i woke up he was in me, ive never had sex before and i didnt feel him on me but he was actually inside me! i was just so shocked that i didnt feel anything and wake up. we were both very drunk when we had gone to bed so i dont know if i had told him i wanted to do it or anything.. its really kinda scared me, am i still a virgin?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2008): As you were drunk - and your boyfriend probably would put it down to alchohol so theres no point talking to him - anything could've happened. If you really want to know whether you are a virgin or not, get it checked out by the doctor.
Try and bring it up with your boyfriend but as I said, it would probably be pointless. You never know though, he might remember and/or tell the truth.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2008): Sorry, I'm with ChiRaven, sorry aunts and uncles, it could be the lady had a dream, it could both her and the boyfriend had drunk consensual sex that neither of them remember it clearly. I think she should check with the doctor just to be sure, and then follow the usually steps to deal with protecting herself and dealing with the aftermath. I'm not saying that your lying or mad dear caller, I'm just saying at the moment it's not very clear to me exactly what happened. Go to the doctor and find out. You should probably also ask your boyfriend, what the hell happened on Thursday night.....We'd be interested if you could update and tell us if everything is well... Take care of you....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2008): Strange you didn't feel anything. Are you sure he was inside you without your permision. Contact your doctor and ask to have a vaginal examination, tell your doctor happened and ask if they can find out if you still have your virginity. Also ask them to check for STD's and probably give you a smear at the same time. I can't definately say this was rape, due to the fact that you were both drinking. However, if you had sex and wasn't aware of it, he could be looking at a charge of Rape. Contact your nearest rape crisis centre in the UK and ask them what you should do next. http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/
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male
reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (5 July 2008):
 Unlike some of my colleagues, I'd be just a little bit more hesitant to call this out and out rape, because you admit you can't remember whether or not you consented to sex in the first place.
Something very much like this, the other way around, happened to me in my wilder young days. I woke up after a VERY drunken night next to a woman who was rather satisfied with sex we'd had during the night that I completely did not remember.
But regardless of whether or not you consented, he should NOT have taken advantage of your condition to go ahead. That makes it wrong, and I certainly think you should avoid this guy at all costs in the future. He's proved he can't be trusted.
And yes, even non-consensual sex does mean that you are no longer a virgin. But there is really no reason that you have to advertise that fact. When the time comes that you meet someone who DOES have a legitimate interest in your status, the two of you should be close enough that you can explain this unfortunate episode to him in a way that he will understand and accept.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2008): Hang in there. I also had a boyfriend at a young age rape me. I was ignorant enough to blame myself and stay with him. It ended worse than it began. This guy lost the right to be with you, period. Remember, this is not your fault. You are worth respect and love and this is not it. Remember that although it is good to trust, unfortunatly some manipulate and take. Be strong. You are worth far more than how you were treated by a selfish coward. It doesn't matter how physical you had been together. It doesn't matter if you were drunk. Side note- drinking is not all it's craked up to be, k. In a few years it wont seem so snazzy. Watch your self when you are drinking some people prey on drunk girls. A note on virginity. It is not your identity. I know church and society make it seem like the symbol your innocence but your purity is found within your heart and displayed through your actions, not your hymen. Your virginity is no one elses business. Be strong be tough. Don't take any sh** from any man. Start the road to being a strong woman now. Best wishes
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female
reader, bday121 +, writes (5 July 2008):
 I complete agree with Collaroy, his post was 100% correct! What happened to you was RAPE. There is no other word for it. Some guy took advantage of you while you were passed out. He didn't ask for your permission, and you certainly didn't actively consent! He forced his penis into your body without your consent, knowledge, or approval and without taking your wishes into consideration. That is rape! I feel so sorry for you, it is disgusting that some out of control guy took out his angry lust on you while you were most vulnerable. I am so sorry. Please take a pregnancy and STD test, and an HIV test as well. Report him to the police if you want. What he committed was absolutely a crime.
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male
reader, Peterk5699  +, writes (5 July 2008):
 I'm sorry to say you are no longer a virgin and have been raped like the other aunts and uncles said.
Get some tests done just to be on the same side and take the morning after pill.
He did what I believe is called Somnophilia - sex with a sleeping person. This can be a fetish for a couple and if it's done with consent than it is ok. Tell him to find someone with the same fetish and give him the boot.
Good luck!!
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (5 July 2008):
 Hi,
I'm sorry to say but he has raped you.
There is no excuse , drunk or not for non consensual sex.
I was a horny teenager once, and on more than one occasion turned down by a drunken female when trying it on, and you know what, I took my medicine because I knew that to force myself on a girl without permission is RAPE.
He has raped you pure and simple. If you have the courage please tell a close family member and report him to the police immediately, he needs to be held to account.
This behaviour is not acceptable or forgiveable under any circumstances.
For a start you most likely will have to take the morning after pill to ensure you don't end up pregnant.
you need to report him as people in your community need to know about the monster who will be chasing after their daughters.
Even considering continuing your relationship with him is out of the question if not insane, you surely cannot trust him as he has attacked you while you were at your most vulnerable.
He will offer any excuse to get out of this, the poor me teenage horny boy story who didnt really know what he was doing will come out quicker than you can say boo. But he knew exactly what he was doing, he knew you were a virgin and he wanted to abuse you.
He is a rapist , pure and simple and he needs to be exposed. I hope you have the courage to do it.
good luck
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A
female
reader, maidcooktaxi +, writes (5 July 2008):
Many people concider this sort of behavior as nonconsensual sex, or rape. Please go get yourself checked out at a doctor, and while your at it you should re-evaluate your relationship with this person and decide if he really cares about your well being as much as you may think he does. And no, you are not a virgin.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2008): It scared you?
Reading this scares me!
No if you had sexual intercourse, if he penetrated you; you are not a virging anymore;
You know what scares me? Did he use a condom?
Have you thought about the risk of pregnancy, of STD's of AIDS;
What this guy did is really very, very irresponsible; and to take advantage of you when you are not "with it"; it makes me sick in my stomache; do not make excuses for his behaviour;
I suggest you seriously reconsider your lifestyle; the drinking so much; this guy; you are wasting your life away;
PLEASE be more CAREFULL;
And if he did not use a condom; get to a doctor to have all the test done;
I am scared for yoursake!
Best wishes.
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