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female
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anonymous
writes: My husband and I have been married over 5 years with 2 young children. Need advice. I thought our relationship was very good, excellent in fact. We communicate, we're honest, and respectful to each other. Except for something I witnessed today. I went to his work to pick up some money from him, he didn't exactly know when I was coming. I stopped at the back of the parking lot to see if he was outside of the lobby as usual when I meet him at his job. Instead, I saw him sitting and talking to a large "hoochie-type" woman. I waited about 2 minutes before I pulled up to the lobby. I was still in the car and from the window he looked at me from the corner of his eye and IGNORED me! I was flabbergasted! I was confused and couldn't react so I sent our children out of the car to hug him, hoping he'd come outside to the car like he always does. But he didn't. He barely acknowledged the kids. He slipped our older son the money and sent them back out to the car. I was stunned. This was very unusual behavior from him. My son said Dad didn't say who this money is for, but I think it's for you mom. My son said Dad just handed it to me he didn't say a word. I confronted him about it. And he says I'm crazy with jealousy. I asked him why couldn't he come out to the car like he always did. He said he just barely walked into the lobby when I pulled up. Liar! I watched him for 2 or 3 minutes before and he was sitting there. His reply was "When I go to your job, you always make me come inside." But that is because I work in a secured area and other employees have to call or come get me since visitors are not allowed in my office or offices of my colleagues. He knows this. But it seems he is playing a blame game now. What the heck does my job have to do with his!? I told him it is simply respect for your significant other to acknowledge their presence especially in front of others! And the fact that my husband was reluctant to tell our son who the money is for. I feel he was flirting with the large woman. Am I crazy with jealousy?? I am a very secure woman and he knows it. He even compliments me of it. Are there other women who see my side of it? Are there men who think I'm nuts? All I'm saying is this is strange behavior and I'm not liking it one bit. We are in middle of an arguement btw. He's at work still and I'm at home.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2006): Update: When my husband got home we argued some more. I tried to talk calmly and get some answers but he denied sitting there before I drove up. I accused him of not being honest, then he accused me of spying on him looking for things to be jealous of. Then he said he couldn't take my sh** anymore and threaten to move out to his grandfather's house. He didn't go of course, but made a big act of His putting up with my antics to cause problems in our relationship. As for the hoochie woman at his work, no she doesn't work there. A potential client I found out. Their interaction was friendly conversation, no touching. Other ppl were in the lobby also, but they had their own conversation. She was smiling and flipping her hair. It didnt seem my husband was flirting back, but I couldn't hear the conversation either. He was smiling back at her. Maybe it was common courtesy but his reactions to my suspicious questions is what threw me. Every married person is entitled to ask questions, right?? I'm not a jealous freak. I'm very trusting and I'm not a low self-esteem type. I guess I'm getting an odd pit-of-your-gut feeling. He says he was being friendly and hoped that I would come in and introduce myself. Ask for his "lie" he says that he didnt realize he was sitting there for that long. Just reminds me of the old saying "time flys when you're having fun." Ugh... So now we are back to "normal" and now I have learned maybe I shouldn't be so trusting. But why should I have to be the bitch? I'm not doing any thing wrong and I still get the short end of the stick. In the future, my eyes are wide open and I made sure I told him that he caused me to be this way. It doesnt have to be like this! Guys out there if you're planning to cheat or play around with flirting, this is the result! You take a good woman who loves you, believes everything you say, and screw it up! And then you blame your good woman. And now in your mind, your good woman has turned into the "jealous bitch from hell." But it's your fault because you caused it. whew! felt good. and yes, that's exactly what i mentioned to my husband. I'll have to wait and see I guess. Thanks to all the agony aunts and uncles who replied so diligently with your empathy ears and big hearts. Best wishes to ya!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2006): I think we need more information here -who is this hoochie woman? does she work with him and, if so what does she do?If she doesn't work with him - that is definitely sussIf she does - I think we need to know in what capacity - his boss? his employee? his secretary? Also - what was the body language? Were they huddled together laughing and joking, touching each other's arm or were they sitting talking quietly with serious expressions on their face?I think that will help tell you something about this situation. It still might be suss if she works with him but I think it may help you work out exactly what is going on a bit better. I notice its been a few days since you posted this - have you any new info? Did things calm down at home? Would love an update.Take care
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2006): I Agree with Rebecca...something is fishy about it. Anonymous says that work is for work time. But if I found out that one of my employees didnt even acknowledge his own young son when he came to pick something up with at least a hug or a hello and pat on the head, I would certainly learn alot about the personality and attitude of that individual. If your gut tells you something was suspicious about it, it probably was. If he was telling the truth, he would not have turned the arguement on you, but would have reassured you. If he lied to you about having just arrived in the lobby, the chances are he's lying about that because he has something bigger to hide. Confronting him about this and telling him how you feel about it is the only way to clear this demon from your mind. Good luck to you.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (31 January 2006):
 I think anonymous below isn't allowing for the fact that you know your husband, that this behaviour of his is unusual and your reaction to it is justified from the way you have explained the situation here.
I am assuming you have been to his workplace before and not encountered this problem before. He should have reassured you but by blaming you, he appears suspicious. If he is aware of you being a secure person and has even praised you for it, then something seems to be amiss here.
Ask him to be frank with you, explain to him how you felt (again) and remind him how you have always trusted him and been secure in your marriage. He should explain things to you without blame.
I certainly hope he does and I hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2006): Let me tell you something- you are not imagining anything.This is exactly how I felt with my last 2 boyfriends,and they will do their best to make you feel this way,because it works for them.At the end,my supposed "pscyhotic" predictions proved to be reality.At the very least,if he cared about your feelings he would have made more effort to reassure you that you got it all wrong.You know what you saw and how it made you feel.Trust your gut feelings,and do some more checking on your partner.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2006): What were this "hoochie" and him talking about? Were they laughing or were they being serious? Maybe she was telling him something serious and he didn't want to interupt her whilst she was telling him. If they were in the lobby maybe they were talking about someone at the office and it was serious and nothing to do with you? Or were they laughing and having a good time? I think that will tell you more about this situation.
If he were cheating, I would think it were odd that when he knew you were there that he didn't rush to finish the conversation or push her away. The fact he continued the conversation with her suggests that maybe it was just a work related matter that needed to be explained and he wanted to finish the conversation.
Also, who is this woman? Is it is his boss? His potential boss? If my boyfriend rocked up at my work and I was having a conversation with my handsome male boss I would finish the conversation and not rush over to my boyfriend because it is (a) unprofessional (b) rude. Yes he should have ack. you but if he was being told something important by his boss he must stop and listen. The workplace is for work, not family time and if he was in the middle of somethign serious and professional,it is not unreasonable for him to finish the conversation without the kids running around his legs. He was at work after all, not a social engagement.
Just some thoughts.
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