A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating this guy for 2 years now. He's not a great kisser and the sex is pretty bad - he doesn't last. I have talked to him about the sex and kissing, even guided him through how I like it. But he slips back into the his bad kissing the very next day. I feel so frustrated. I'm tired of being a teacher. I just wish that he could do it right! Everything else in our life is great, but I've found myself thinking about my previous relationship lately, the sex was great. My current boyf has better qualities in every other respect in comparison to my ex. So I know I don't want my ex, I want the man I have now - just wish he could kiss and have sex the way my ex could. I lay awake crying at nite because I can't fix this.
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male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (27 September 2011):
You have spoken to your bf in a teaching sense, which you don't like, you find it frustrating, and the learning doesn't last. You need to go to the next level of communication, but how you do it is important.
If you talk to him like you know what good sex is and he isn't doing it, you are only going to make him feel bad about his sexual ability. A better way to talk to him about it is in a way which makes this something you are working on together, something that you can both do in order to make things better for both of you.
It can be hard to talk about it all the time, it makes things less romantic, so try talking to him at a time when you are not planning on having sex. Be reassuring, let him know that you do want to be with him, but that you want to develop your sex life to be better. Tell him you want to tell him what you like, and you want to find out what he likes. Tell him you want to know if there are things he is worried about, what ideas he has to make things better, make it a team effort. Let him know it is important to you, that you do need things to change, but that you are on his side.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 September 2011):
 Try and experiment more. Try new moves and maybe come up with new and exciting ideas to spice up your sex life. Comparing him to an ex is never good because it will only make you feel worse about it. I know that a physical side of a relationship is important but try and not let it come in between you. You just need to spice things up and do research on tips for him to last longer in bed. Also foreplay is good so spend time on that. Maybe add some sex toys in to the mix. There are plenty of things that you can do that can add fun and pleasure to the relationship.
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A
female
reader, neomum  +, writes (26 September 2011):
have you ever told your boyfriend the sex could be better or make it better instead, men are not mind readers they need to be told how you like. Its the same with kissing, you say you don't want to be with your ex but you wish the sex was the same as his. So deep down you may still want your ex.
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor  +, writes (26 September 2011):
 I know you're upset, but it's not a good thing to compare (even though it happens with a lot of people in different areas of a relationship) to your ex(s). You may end up feeling disappointed.
But anyway, since you've been together for some time, and he seems open to suggestions, you may want to go to a sex therapist together. Try to also mention doing Kegel exercises (*read more about this and some other things that may benefit him here: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/guys-what-to-do-if-youre-suffering-from.html ), and changing positions regularly.
I wish you the very best! :^)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2011): This may not be something you can change. He just needs to practice. Not everyone is talented that way right away. Sorry to say but he will never be like your ex as everyone does things differently. But hopefully he will get better at it over time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2011): This sounds like a passionless relationship. If you are thinking about your ex, then your current boyfriend is not right for you. You should always find someone who not only has better qualities than your ex, but can erase all thoughts of your past and only think about the present and future.
I say break-up with him before you end up having to hurt him. The longer you wait, the more painful it will be.
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