A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello all! I'll keep this as brief as possible. But I dated my ex housemate a couple of months back. When we lived together, I was attracted to him, and although he portrays the silent/loner type, I knew that he was a good person and just something about him got under my skin. His mate liked me too and lived with us, which made things awkward. The guy I liked woukd behave differently towards me in front of his mate (not ignore me exactly, but act almost indifferent) one of my guy mates said he prob felt bad to pay me attention in front of his mate knowing he liked me too. Anyway, my ex hadn't dated in like 6 years, so when we were due to move out, I brought up 'us'. At first he said he would be too busy/crap at a relationship, but after a few days he admitted he was terrified/guilty for his friend, but that we should give it a go. Things were amazing at first but I was terrified things would go wrong as I felt soo happy. As soon as we moved out, things seemed to change. We were both busy with work, moving out, life in general, and things just seemed different that we were'nt living together (but we knew it would be too soon to live as a couple). Anyway, I admitted to him that I wasn't happy as we weren't seeing enough of each other and he said that he wasn't feeling like he missed me and couldn't give me what I needed. He said all this while hugging me so tightly, I was confused and devastated. Anyway, we decided to remain friends, which was fine but I missed him desperately after seeing him. However, I never showed him that I missed him. I let my pride get in the way and acted like I wanted to break up too, and that friendship was fine. He started dating someone quickly, and is now in a relationship. He apparently is affectionate ie kisses her in public/in front of our mutual friends. He was never an affectionate person with me/anyone else in recent years. Its like he's gone back to being a teenager. I know what's done is done, but do you think my pride got in the way and he thinks I didn't care for him? I kick mself everyday that I didn't show him what he meant to me, but I thought it would push him away if I was too affectionate :(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2012): Thanks gus, I guess I just don't understand why he made such a huge deal abour us 'giving it a go as he felt he was making a huge mistake if we didn't'. I never pushed him into it, and he seemed to genuinely want it/me. Guess i'll never know the reason and have got to stop wondering what it is. Thanks again for the advice!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2012): The guy just wasn't that into you. It wouldn't have changed the outcome if you showed him how much you loved and missed him unfortunately. When a guy says he can't give you what you need and they'd be crap at a relationship, it's manslation for "I don't want to give you what you need" and "I don't want you for a relationship". He didn't want to hurt your feelings by being truthful so he sugar coated it.
You did the right thing by not chasing after him because he would have lost respect and liked you less.
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