A
male
age
36-40,
*oldierMedic
writes:This may be a little long... but I have a lot to get off my chest.But here I go. The first time I caught her, we were doing a little rocky. We have been falling in and out for a bit over a year now. First started talking back in summer of '08. I am practically living with her now.To sum it up the first time, I caught her and some guy texting back and forth. The conversation had words such as "sexy, babe, hottie" and she told him to come meet up with her and her friends at some bar in downtown. She use to go out (clubs, bars) very frequently and finds it perfectly fine to have a Girl's Night Out once a week. She even ignored my texts that night. I looked through the time logs and it has her replying to this other guy and she EVEN texted him to call her, AFTER not answering to my calls. This sh*t pissed me off so bad I just woke her up and confronted her there and then. We had a falling out and it seemed like I was ready to move on. This took place back in October of '09.I guess love works in mysterious ways... Because we eventually hooked back up again. It seemed like we were doing GREAT till just this past weekend. One of her long time male friend helps her out with her lawn once in a while. I never suspected anything suspicious because he is married. After a Saturday night of going out (she ALWAYS does her own thing and I have recently started going out with my guy friends) I came home to her passed out in her bed. I don't know what the hell it was about this particular night, but I could not fall asleep and it seemed as if her phone was radiating with a dark aura that was begging me to look through it. I could not rest easy unless I knew for myself that my doubts were clear.Her and her male friend were texting each other back and forth earlier that day. He is friends with her cousin too and had to drop some things off for him. She told him to "come over" and he replied with "come in you?" She texts him back with a casual "LOL". She tells him I'm getting deployed to Afghanistan soon and he replies with "So do you need me to keep you company?" She replies with a "Yes, HAHAHAHA". I also saw that she attempted to call her ex-boyfriend not once but TWICE in a row after the clubs were closing down. Then she texted her ex-boyfriend "I hate you" because he didn't pick up. Somebody care to expalin to me what the f*ck kind of sh*t is this? Why the hell would you let someone talk to you like that, even if they were "just a good friend"? I am not worried about her messing with this guy. It is the fact that I found out she talks and lets other people talk to her in that manner. And she finds it perfectly fine to have a casual friendly relationship with her ex-boyfriend of 3 years. She calls him without me knowing and before she use to have him babysit her dogs while she would go out of town. It took me a real long time to understand this because of the way I am; there is a reason why your ex's is a X, they are apart of the past for a reason and that is why they aren't with you in the present.I confronted her. She says she is sorry and loves me very much and that they were just messing around because they have been friends like this for YEARS. I told her I don't give a flying f*ck because I am not comfortable with her having conversations like that with other guys. I told her to give me the same respect I would give her. It's pretty damn upsetting I have to explain what she did wrong the same way I would explain it to a little kid. She didn't think anything was wrong with it and saw no harm. For some guy being such a good friend, then why have I only seen him twice in over a year and only spoken to him once? She says she is very sorry and she would never do it again. It is true. I am a combat medic in the Army Reserves and am deploying soon to Afghanistan next year. Relationship sh*t like this is the last thing I would want on my mind while I am on my tour out there. It will drive a person crazy.Now I am having a hard time trusting her again... this is the same girl that tells me she finally realizes what she has and can not see herself with anyone but me. I'm beginning to think that I am just a poor fool for believing that because I am even beginning to pity myself. Words can not explain how hurt and saddened I am over this. I cannot seem to show her how I truly feel over this whole ordeal. She tells me to try and look past this and forget about it. That is easy for her to say because she is not the one being hurt. She knows I would NEVER EVER do anything like this to her because I have been hurt by others before her and would never want to make anyone else feel that same sh*tty feeling.Please help... I am beating myself up pretty good about this. My mood has been way off and my mind feels like one huge cyclone going back and forth with mixed emotions.
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male
reader, lifeisfedup +, writes (27 July 2010):
I just read your aticle man, and if that isnt the closest thing to my current situation, I dont know what is. I recently took my girl, which Ive been with for a year, to the mall, and after a long fun filled day I drop her off back at her place. Once I got home I called her to say good night, and I noticed her phone must have fallen out of her purse because it was ringing in my car.
So at first, I didnt think anything of it, but then just like you I had an ominous feeling about what was on that phone. I went through the text messages, Not Only one but a few guys that were sending texts that infuriated me. A couple of guys were texting her as if they were in love with her and cant wait until the next time they get together, and another guy was texting her in a manner that will be grained in my memory for a long time. He described very sexual things in the text, so I am well aware this is going on behind my back. The question
A
female
reader, Jen1689 +, writes (5 May 2010):
 You need to leave this girl. Actions speak VOLUMES louder than words. She didn't respect you once by lying to you and being secretive when you were together, why in the world would she respect you when you've settled for this mistreatment by taking her back? I think it's clear where you stand with her. She now knows that it's okay to manipulate your feelings because you will just let it go and not make her pay for it. She knows that she can keep things from you and that you will forgive her when she puts on those puppy dog eyes and apologizes and says those oh-so-famous three words: I love you. What a powerful statement to make to someone that you're lying to and hurting constantly. She doesn't love you, and never will if you don't demand that she respect you. You need to leave her, maybe for good. Her crawling back to you and begging for forgiveness does not mean that she's changed, just look at the story you've written... Manipulative people know how to get their way. That's part of their charm, and as long as they have someone who will go along with it, they won't stop. Period. I hope you can break away from this before it drags you down further. You sound like a great guy, and I would hate to see you lose yourself.
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A
female
reader, elmofudge  +, writes (4 May 2010):
I can understand how you are torn at what to do, on the one hand you love her, on the other you just can't trust her and I guess that is confusing.However, I think that you need to be able to trust her for this relationship to work, something which your gut is telling you not to do...and for good reason.Maybe it is time to let things be and to find a girl who is going to treat you with the respect that you deserve.
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A
male
reader, SoldierMedic +, writes (4 May 2010):
SoldierMedic is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTrust me, she may look more mature than I am, but she definately doesn't act that way. It is like dating someone that has just turned 21 and has never grown out of it.
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A
male
reader, SoldierMedic +, writes (4 May 2010):
SoldierMedic is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have been feeling that way for a while. As if she didn't respect me. She is 5 years older than I am and believes that I should not treat her as a kid when I chime my 2 cents in. Don't get me wrong, I love the hell out of her when she ain't messing up... But it is true what yall are saying. Allowing her to always get away with this will just lead her to think that she can continue doing this to me. Thanks for the responses. It is nice to get point of view's from other women.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (4 May 2010):
 Hun, this girl is not going to change, no matter what she says and how much she says she loves you......
Time to quit this relationship and move on with your life. By hanging around this girl you are condoning her behaviour.
Maybe take a break from any relationships until you have finished your deployment, then go and find a girl who will love you and who you can trust completely.
Honeygirl
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