A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I just need some words of wisdom I guess... I'm a bit embarrassed that I need to come online and ask people who don't know me, but just because I'm pretty sure my friends are sick listening to me. Maybe I just need to vent? I don't know.. I always feel better when I get reassurance because I know it's the right thing in the long run for me. I am just out a 2 year relationship, in that 2 years this man (14 yrs older than me) cheated and led a double life for 15 months, he asked me to move out the home we shared because I was having some sort of break down over his cheating and inability to trust him. So I left. We later got back together and all was great. I get pregnant he goes nuts and terminates our relationship. I lost the baby 8 weeks into the pregnancy and again 3 days later after I leave hospital I am asked to leave the house because "he can't deal with me and I need my parents support" the next day I have to get the local authority to go to his house because he's refusing to take my calls to arrange to collect my belongings but texts me to tell me he is binning it all. His family hated me and once his mum told him to chose me or her - she loved the "other woman". When I look at all this I know I was very silly and naive to even stay after his cheating, but I loved him. Now I know he has manipulated me to get what he wanted and even shouted at me all the time to abort our baby. He also grabbed me the day before he asked me to leave because i spilled some soda in his pick up. So why do I feel so crap? Why am I so sad at not hearing from him - I know my phoning the authority will mean he will be angry and won't speak to me again (I hope it did piss him off!!) I am disappointed in myself that I still think about him a lot because he is a bully, and an ass hole. When will this go away? When will I be me again? I'm having counselling but sometimes I wonder if am gonna get anywhere and I have to see him in passing the odd time when he is at work. That annoys me too. Sorry this is long... I just needed to vent. I'm grieving for my baby - but am also grieving for this complete ass hole and I don't wanna even think about him anymore. I've been asked out on dates yet I feel like I can't move on. What is going on with me!! :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2013): Hi, It sounds as if you haven't got anyone to lean on emotionally- and the shock of losing your baby and being emotionally abused by this a hole is obviously leaving you in need of someone to help support you through this... Like the last poster said you've obviously got a low feeling of self worth- the fact you feel alone and people that should care don't seem to I guess must add to this... I mean if your "friends" do actually imply they're sick of you, then that's pretty shocking- I mean I don't even know you but I'm sure a anyone who reads this post is going to worry about your well being- you've been through some traumatising stuff! The people in your life really don't sound like they're any good for you; because u have such a low sense of self worth, you end up surrounding yourself with people that are of low moral calibre, and no matter how despicable they are, you subconsciously feel like you can't do any better, maybe? You definitely have to build up your self esteem, through GOOD therapy, you may have to go through a few before finding the right type or therapist. Maybe get assessed by a psychiatrist- they can tell you what type of therapy you need. Whatever you can afford. Good luck anyway XX
A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (25 June 2013):
Ok that is a lot to deal with. You need to terminate the relationship. It is unhealthy. You will never grow as a person if you have someone who doesn't support you, love you and care for you. You want someone who is going to encourage you to do more with your life.
You need time to grieve the loss of your baby. You need to go through your feelings. You need time to yourself and maybe counseling.
In saying all of the above, it takes time.....lots of time. You need to work on you, do not date yet it is too soon. You need to get yourself together. Improve your self worth.
Good Luck!
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