A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I went on a date last night with a man I met on a dating website. He is new to where I live and so he had his profile up to meet local people. We had been exchanging texts for a while, he stopped talking because he went train (he's in the US Coast Guard) and said he needed total concentration. This was about a month or so ago. He texted back this week and asked me on a date. We went to the movie theater. It was a poor movie, I wondered at some point if he had fallen asleep. But what I noticed was that my date didn't make that much eye contact with me. I don't know why this could be. He's 26 and seems pretty strict about some things. He doesn't like loudness or people using the phone in the movie theaters. At the end of it, he simply drove me home without asking if I wanted to go anywhere else. I saw him yawn once at the theater and once in the car though. He has been on 24 hour duty this week and last night all he planned on doing was sleep. He did mention going out again sometime but with him not having made much eye contact I don't know if he actually enjoyed himself. I don't know if I will even hear back from him?What do you think? I actually like him and hope to see him again. Please, help. Thank you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay, thank you very much!
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 September 2013):
 I'd let this one go. If he is not putting forth more of an effort then yes, he isn't that into you. Sorry. :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey, thank you all for giving me advice. I actually followed Cerberus' advice more and contacted him three days after our date. He said he'd been on 24 hr duty the day before and asked me something but I was so tired I fell asleep while texting (which I did not expect and I had messaged him in the afternoon) but then I answered and apologized very early in the morning. I also asked a question back to keep the conversation flowing and he didn't answer. It's Friday and he just hasn't contacted me. I guess since your advice saying he took time to take me on a date I don't know if he's not interested or just very busy. What do you think?
I am thinking he's simply just not interested :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2013): Tired and grumpy OP, we've all had that and I've even been on dates like that too.
If he seemed nice OP then why not have a second date? I would. As for whether he has time to date see how that goes. Also you don't have to wait for him to contact you, he may well think he's blown it and be reluctant to do so. There's nothing wrong with you initiating contact.
For the future OP movies are the worst possible first dates. Sitting for two hours together in a dark room with a load of assholes on their phones or talking over the movie etc. and then if the movie is boring you leave the theatre bored and with nothing to talk about. Not great.
So give him another shot. Don't hang around and wait for him either, send him a message asking him how his day is going or something, you know?
OP a poor date doesn't mean the guy isn't interested or interesting. You don't judge people on one meeting because it's impossible as long as you haven't seen any dangerous personality traits then you can see him again.
Make the next one something fun though, where you can talk. Bowling is great fun, invite him to do that and grab a bite to eat afterwards.
Dates are for getting to know each other, you can't do that in a cinema. I too am strict like he is, if I see a gang of teenagers in the cinema I know I'm going to have a shit time, because they talk and text all the way through.
Unless it's a movie I've already seen or a light hearted comedy then I absolutely detest interruption or talking. I like to be absorbed in a movie, for me talking and interruption is like being on a roller-coaster that stops half way through while someone takes a call or something, I find it hard to get back into the frame of mind etc.
He may not have enjoyed himself OP, because frankly it sounds like you had a bit of a lame date to a crappy movie. But that doesn't mean he didn't enjoy your time. Give it another shot, do something guaranteed to be fun and where you can both relax and be comfortable.
The eye contact thing? You just went to a crap movie, all the conversation got sucked out of it by that, he probably felt he was doing badly or that it wasn't going well and he probably had to sit there for 2 hours feeling first date nerves.
I mean come on, you hardly enjoyed the date either.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 September 2013):
Sounds like he should have set up the date at a time where he wasn't so tired. Even though he was tires and felt overworked he still tried to fit YOU in, so I think you must have mad some impression on him.
If you don't hear from him within a week I would stop thinking of him as a dating material and look elsewhere. (normally I'd say 3 days but due to his work I'd give him a few more days).
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2013): To me it really sounds like he hasn't got the time or energy to date ATM... I don't think it's a reflection on you, but going on a date just required too much effort and made him realise he doesn't want to date...I'm like this, even when I really like someone if I'm tired from work or just too stressed out to date, I generally will just leave dating and just stay friends with the person... Probably a physical thing from being so tired, maybe he's depressed, maybe he has no sex drive etc. As he hasn't arranged another date I would not contact him as it's up to him to initiate this time... He didn't give you anything that would suggest going out again soon, if he didnt at least give a rough day week. Unfortunately if he doesn't contact, then will just have to write him off as a romantic interest this time n move on to someone else...Good luck! Xx :)
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