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female
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*eedinghelp
writes: I have been seeing my boyfriend for the past 4 months now it has been a lovely relationship where he treats me well and treats me like a lady, something I never had in the past..until recently I did not realise just how jealous he was and controlling. He hide it well to start with. Now whenever we are out he accuses me of looking at other men etc.(which I am not doing) and wants to know my whereabouts consistantly. However within the last week or so he has become somewhat distant from me and all the phone calls and text messages has dwindled from maybe 10 a day to once a day..I found this quite strange and had a gut feeling what it could be. Well I done something quite wrong, which I am not proud of, but I went into his Hotmail account and read his emails, and he has been sending sexual emails to girls on sex websites and meeting with them on a one to one..when I found this out I was discusted . How could he, but the things is, how can I bring it up to him without letting him know that I have gone into his personal Hotmail account. I intend to end the relationship anyway, but I just dont know what to do..please help.Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2006): Don't be ashamed AT ALL for checking out his emails. Your gut feeling suspected something was up, and look - you were right. I was once in the same position, i KNEW something was not right. On one hand someone was telling me something, but on the other they were living a secret life. A quick snoop in to their emails proved everything I suspected but never admitted!
I told her that I knew she had been cheating and she still denied it, it all got terribly messy and in some bizarre reaction everything was turned on to me and I was made out to be the bad guy. Even now I still get the occasional mutual friend tell me something that I allegidly done in the relationship.
My advice (which - if you can take - I would for all eternity respect and admire you for) is to end things -permanently- without bringing up the cheating thing. To do this though, you will require so much strength, but, I know it will be for the best.
I don't know what else to say, apart from I'm really sorry to find yourself in this situation. I promise you, things can be different in the future, there are plenty of guys that would never, ever, do what your boyfriend has done to you!
Good luck in whatever choice you make, but, REMAIN SURE that HE was the one that cheated and CAUSED the relationship to fail, NOT YOU.
A
male
reader, ogga +, writes (15 October 2006):
i was in this problem a few days ago with my girlfriend, but i told her how i found out because i felt that i couldnt tell her off for lieing to me (and of course wanting to cheat on me) but then be hypocrticial and lie to her, now we are fine but i believe that had i not told her how. we would have finished by now
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2006): If you are intending to ditch this guy why let him no just accept that youve had a luck escape cause you could have found out either years down the line or when you were told you had aids so either way thank your lucky stars and move on this is no way to treat a lady
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