A
female
age
41-50,
*verycloud
writes:Please someone shed some light on my heavy heart.I recently broke up with my partner of 8years. I was deeply in love with him..almost to obsession. He wanted to get married and start a family but throughout our r/ship, there were a lot of red flags. He could be very aggressive and always seemed to prefer nights out with his male friends drinking than spending quality time with me. I always felt I came second peg. These are only some of the issues I had with relationship. I consider marraige sacred and unfortunately have seen too many that I hold dear crumble before me. I had to be 200% sure about making this leap. For this reason, I decided to end things as I wanted to be sure he was genuine about being together and starting a family.I was doing fine initially and moving on with my life, but couldn't deny the love I still had for him. We have been in contact alot and he always knew how I felt. I had time to think and I knew what I wanted-Him in my life forever. Unfortunately, he has moved on. How can a person go from wanting to make a life commitment to you to nothing?? I am now absolutely devastated. I think I've made the biggest mistake of my life and there is absolutely no way (no matter how hard I try) to work things out. How will I go on with my life now? I have never felt so empty and low in my entire life.. Am I ever going to find someone?Is there anyone on this forum who has been through this and can give me advise, I would be forever grateful.
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female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (22 December 2011):
 Well, thank you, everycloud!
I'm glad to know you found what I wrote comforting and useful.
I wish you all the best for a nice Christmas with your family and friends, and greetings for a happy New Year!
A
female
reader, everycloud +, writes (21 December 2011):
everycloud is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you SO much Denise... You have warmed my heart and I am sincerely grateful to you for responding to my problem. I wish you and yours a wonderful Christmas and all the best for 2012.
Much love x
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (21 December 2011):
You know, perhaps you've made the WISEST decision possible for your future.
I realize it certainly doesn't seem that way now, but I think you might be grieving for the kind of relationship with him that was just not possible. Obviously you tried hard to work out the difficulties before ending things, and now he has moved on with his life and is not willing to try again. He has made his decision based on his own values.
I know this is very hard and painful to contemplate.
You ask how to go on with your life now.
Well, first, acknowledge that you are extremely hurt by how things have turned out, and that is understandable and natural. Nobody likes having their hopes shattered.
At the same time, much as it upsets you, you must steel yourself to make up your mind that this is now a closed chapter in your life. Over and done with, finished. Not to be reopened.
You have to give up any and all attempts (tempting as it may be) to trying to work things out. Because it's no longer possible.
The best practical way to do this is to STOP being in contact with this man. If you have been talking with him or seeing him a lot, that's making it that much harder to accept there's no longer a future with him. The more you talk, the more you're rubbing salt into a raw wound.
Once you completely close the door and all communication - whether in person or by phone, text, whatever, has ceased, it will gradually become easier as the weeks and months go by, and you'll find six months (say) down the road how you ever thought you were so in love with him.
Turn your attention to the friends, family, activities that interest you, that are fun, and you find meaningful and or challenging. Do a little volunteer work, focus your attention on your job, take a day or few days to go on a trip you have wanted to take........you WILL eventually meet someone who will love and value you and with whom you'll be much happier......
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