A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I came on here before and got some good balanced advice which was really helpful so I've come back again to ask about a problem.I feel really stuck ... in February my partner of 5 years walked out on me whilst I was unwell (it since transpired that i might have either stress related symptoms or possibly a mild form of MS) and I still have yet to get over it, despite joining a dating site and even getting fond of another man.I feel so upset about him being cruel to me. When I met him he was estranged from his wife and there was bitterness between them .. she was seeing another guy who she still sees. I supported him though his divorce and he was often verbally abusive to me during this time.I loved him more than I ever loved any other man before ... and thought was would stay together but during his divorce he got worse and seemed to have a breakdown.There were warning signs early on, ie him calling his ex wife a 'slapper' and a 'bitch' and a 'thick bitch' and eventually he would tell me i was 'thick' and a 'stupid bitch'My friends male and female say i am pretty, loving, intelligent (I studied law and he sneered at me for it all the time .... saying 'for all your big lawyer's brain you are just still a thick bitch' etc etc) but the problem is i have no confidence whatsoever .... he also told me i was a 'fat bitch' on the eve of the wedding of my best friend when i was going to be a bridesmaid ..... (i was size 16 and have been dieting am now a size 14 with medium build 5ft 7 and going towards a 12 again ... but he would still find criticism to make about that ..)The thing is that i loved him so much and he is etched into every day of my memories for five years (he can be loving etc ... and funny and kind but can also be very very nasty as he is insecure in himself i think ..) I just feel unhappy, worried that i will never get over him, the abuse and cruelty, worried about my health (the stress has brought on these attacks the consultant thinks .. and i am having some more tests) We were friends since we split up but again recently he got nasty with me ... and called me a 'bitch'I have no confidence at all with men despite being told am pretty and funny and good company.I feel like I have 'lost my way' and am fearful that it will change me forever .. I feel like part of my soul has got lost ... i thought i would be with him forever and we would work through any problems .. I have tried hard, seeing friends, going to the gym, learning a new language, travelling a bit, joining a dating site but i am just realising now how much he really got to me, into my psyche and how much damage he did.Any advice about how to recover, where to go from here .. I am finding it so hard to see my way forward ... I have two lovely daughters age 20 and 17 both doing fine with studies etc .. but i just feel upset a lot .... or just any general practical advice would be so much appreciated if anyone has a minute or two to spare .. thank you :) x
View related questions:
a break, best friend, confidence, divorce, ex-wife, his ex, insecure, split up, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, LonelyButNotAlone  +, writes (21 August 2008):
 I'm sorry to hear about the way this man treated you. No one deserves to be treated that way, especially by a loved one. You sound like a very smart and lovely woman.
I think that you should take a little more time to relax and not worry too much about getting into another relationship too quickly. Do the things you enjoy and that make you happy. Spend time with your friends. Keep in touch with your daughters.
If you have the time, you might also try seeing a therapist. Talking about things helps a person heal... and it sounds like the kind of abuse this man put you through is pretty serious.
I hope this helps. And if you just need someone to talk to, feel free to message me. I may not have a lot of experience when it comes to relationships... but I'm a good listener.
|
