A
female
age
26-29,
*arbella
writes:Hello, I am separated from my ex-husband 9 month ago. We had 2 kids, 3 and 1 y old. He hit me once and that was enough for me...that was so sad...I really would give anything to make that moment erased and continuous to live as anything had happened....but the reality.. I couldn't ignore. He starts to beg me pardon as soon as he could… and I finished by sleeping with him after a while. In the weekends we get together and went to restaurants etc, then he ask me if he could stays....we finally sleep together but I always told him he has to go to his house.He give me a little money( this guy is totally broke, he has 2 child support from 2 different relationship, 4 kids total without counting my 2 kids with him... I really did not wanted any money as far as he come to see the kids and bring whatever he could in food or paying water bill.But finally after 5 months doing that, he decided not to come any more in the week ends, not to bring anything else... so I get mad...we couldn't put a sentence together without arguments, he finally told me he would not give me any money, because I earned more than him...3 months after I fill out child support and 1 moths latter we were in front of social worker. Then he has an accident 2 weeks later... they called me from the hospital I was the emergency contact and told me the fireman broke his car to get him out...he almost loose his hand ...I was so sad, but I could not cry. They told me to wait until he is out of the surgery/recovery room to tell me which room he goes. At 8: 00pm I arrived to the hospital....He was crying, and the first thing he told me was: You see that every body pays!!!I wanted to hug him so hard God!!! But he was so swell, his face, his arms, he couldn't move and I was thinking I will hurt him much than anything...Do you want I call anybody? No , Thank you so much for comming, Go home now, go with the kids (I left the kids with my mother and they were down in the hospital too but I did not wanted they knew or see him in those conditions, he try to kiss my hands but he could, I pass my hand trembling around his beautiful face..do not cry you are alive...Next morning I did preparations to stay in the hospital in case....I imagine he was in a relationship with somebody but he call me first and he did not feel the need to call anybody else I think...maybe he is really alone( we do not have close family in the city we are coming from the same country)Then I get a call from a crying woman ... I was thinking it was a hospital and something very bad happen...It is his girlfriend...the crying voice announced...How you did not told me he was in an accident I couldn't sleep all night?....Sorry I even didn't knew you exist, but he is in these addressee... But he told me you know he is living with me... No I know that now....I arrived later to the hospital and there were they... he was uncomfortable, Marbella here is Havana, Yes I talk with her by telephone....I was there to stay long but when they start to talk each other as "mammy" and "daddy"...I couldn't take any more...thinking just the day before he was calling me 'mammy'And now I really don't know, I was so ready to forgive and take back, I am sad and angry I feel betrayed for a second time , I feel he laid to me again and at the same time I think he call me , he wanted me next to him...I really wanted to help him, and all my feelings are so confuse....
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female
reader, marbella +, writes (10 August 2008):
marbella is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answer.
You can not imagine how confuse I am ...I when to the hospital this morning...again... he told me he wanted me to leave, because her girlfriend did not wanted to see me there, I told him that whatever he wants, whatever he sais, he open his mouth and whatever he asks ...this is what it will be...
I leave...
God has wonderful ways to drive lives... he hit me once, he is convenced that he has the accident because he has to pay... he has a good girlfriend that will take care of him as maybe I couldn't, and I...
I realize that I really loved him, that I was able to take him back because I feel still something for him...
I realize during all that time I could not forgive him ... even today I barely could talk anything else than our past and why he did not pass to see the kids, and that he is with HAvana because he already choose to be with her long ago, when he decided not to come in the weekends or give any help, because I have my doors open until he leave..and I did not wanted to talk about all that but it is so strong in me...
I realize writing to you that today start my healing process with this mix of sorrow and forgiveness..and yes still angry...even if it is just a little bit.
God bless you
MARBELLA
A
female
reader, love reigns!  +, writes (10 August 2008):
 You must be feeling confused with all these mixed messages and that's ok. You musn't let anyone run rings around you and it seems as if he is happy for you to be there because he's in need. Do not allow this to go non. Even though you love him...You must drawn tbe line firmly. Cut off any emotional and physical availability for now. Sort your feelings out and seek a new love thst will be emotionally available to YOU. This will heal you, then you can focus on being there for your children. 'It's all about You'. The reason you feel helpless is because you cannot help him with the love you have to give as this is not what he wants or even needs. He needs you to be strong for you and your children. Hurting you is not helping him. Leave him be and love you!! You can.!
Good luck Chica.
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