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female
,
anonymous
writes: After a heart to heart with my boyfriend the other day he has confessed to me that he has slept with between 20-50 women, some while he has been in a relationship with other people. I was quite inexperienced when I met him, and am very insecure. Does his past have any bearing on our relationship?
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reader, schlottjl  +, writes (30 June 2005):
 Only that you have to watch to see if he is a user of women for his own fun. This information is of no other use to you and means nothing about you.
Did he offer this info up? If yes, beware as he is manipulating you for sick reasons. If you asked, do you feel better now?
Some times things that happened before you shouldn't be aired. There is no reason that inexperience should make you feel bad or less than.
Would you not prefer that he was less experienced? Trust me, all lovers wish they were the only one their current lover has ever had. You have a gift.
Me might be lying. I survey I read in the last 6 or so months (that was taken from a large sample and therefore more reliable,) said that 95+ % of men lie about their sexual history. It is a macho thing and men are not thinking clearly if they think the love in their life would be impressed. If he offered it up then actually wants you to feel bad or at least insecure.
But wait back to the lying. 20-50? Are you kidding? It could be 20 but might be up to 150% more? Is this guy for real? Ew. I would think less of him now. He has self esteem issues and this relationship is not about you. Don't be a statistic!
If you stay with the geek, use protection! He probably has been with 4-5 people if he is lucky! And that is still a disease risk!
Value yourself and goodluck!
A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (30 June 2005):
 No, I don't think that it does. It is what happens now that is important.
If he wants a loving relationship with you and wishes to committ to you then I think it would be advisable to try to forget about his past.
Ask him for reassurance about what he feels for you and your future and build your trust in him and his intentions.
He may well feel that you are the right one for him and he has no need to do what he did before.
Talk to him and concentrate on the here and now.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, babs +, writes (30 June 2005):
It will only have a bearing on your relationship if you let it. Maybe its easier said than done but many people have had past partners before. And just because he's had 20 -30 different partners, who's to say the sex was any good? One night stands are nothing to be envious over. After all, if you are having heart to hearts about past partners and things it probably means he really likes you and wants to get to know you, make a real go of it.If the fact he was seeing other women whilst in another relationship bothers you and makes you feel insecure, have a word with him about how you feel. Is he likely to do it again? He is with you for a reason- and not just the sex! Dont feel intimidated :)
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