A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hope someone can help me or offer some advice! I know its terrible that I'm having to ask this here... but I really dont know where else to turn now.I'm 19 and living in the UK. I was raped at university several months ago by someone I hardly knew. I found it so hurtful and humiliating and was so disgusted with myself that i couldnt bring myself to tell anyone - but I'm 32 weeks pregnant, and its starting to show. Since the rape ive sunk further into a depression I cant seem to get out of, and i havent been able to tell anyone about this pregnancy. I'm utterly terrified - my family would be horrified if they found out, and I'm petrified of the thought of now having to give birth to a child I cant bring myself to accept as mine. I cant and wont bring the baby up; I just want it gone. That must sound wicked, but I cant feel anything towards it except fear and misery!I couldnt afford a termination at the time when it was a possibility, and none of the GP's I saw would reffer me to a clinic. Im desperately hoping I can somehow conceal it from friends and family for another few weeks... I dont know if hospitals will induce early labour?! Please help :(
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male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (14 May 2007):
You have no idea how much relief you will get by talking to someone about it - this is the first step for you, and you will feel so much better for doing so. Speak to a councellor or someome who provides this kind of support through your university. As you start to do this, you will start to empower yourself and discover what to do with your situation. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2007): My first question is you are 32 weeks pregnant and it is just starting to show? You are almost full term!
There is no reason not to tell your family, sure they will be horrified that you were raped as are you, but they will want to support you.
It is your decision whether or not you want to keep the baby, if you cannot feel anything for it, then by all means give it up for adoption to a family who wants desperately to have a child.
You are not responsible in the least for what happened to you, and you need some real professional therapy to deal with your depression and the horrible feelings of worthlessness that come from being violated in this way. I know from personal experience what this does to your psyche, the longer you refuse to speak up, the more years you will waste keeping yourself locked up in a self-imposed prison. Don't allow your abuser to keep victimizing you in this way, don't give into those negative emotions, talk about it openly, it is the only way to get past it, let people love and support you, and those that cannot are simply not capable of it, it is no reflection on who you are as a person.
My heart goes out to you. I hope you are getting the medical care you need during your pregnancy. Take care of you, you are worth it.
I hope you will find the strength to prosecute, keep another woman from having to go through this with this guy...he needs to be behind bars.
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A
female
reader, sophiie  +, writes (13 May 2007):
YOU MUST TELL SOMEONE!
they souldnt get away with this, if you dont want other women for this to happen to them then tell someone as soon as possibly no matter how embaressed you are
talking and telling someone will always help, dont keep your feeling and worries bottled up inside it will only make things worse
good luck xxx
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A
female
reader, loretta +, writes (13 May 2007):
 wot a terreble thing to go thro on ur own, the truth is ur ganna have to tell ur family sooner or later, this man needs to be named and shamed, how many other victoms lives he gonna ruin! the fact is sweethart, an i know its hard to except, but that baby inside u is urs, u now have 2 options, either put this baby up 4 adoption or bond wiv it! u mite feel differant once u see this new born, think ov nothing but ur child, coz thats wot it is now while its growing inside u! 4get how it happend,everything in life happens 4 a reason, this will only make u stronger.do not feel ashamed or embarrisment, this is not ur fault! please, please i am beggin u 4 the sake ov his next victom, tell the police, tell ur family. u can't hide this away for much longer, if u leave it till the last minute u may make things worse 4 urself, an ur attacker could be well gone by then. dont let this monster slip thro the net,STAND UP AN BE COUNTED! please xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2007): I know exactly how you are feeling right now. It's a hard thing to go through by yourself. I was also raped. It happened this year in February and I was 18 at the time. I'm 19 now. I only had an abortion last week. I was 11 weeks and 3 days. It was the hardest thing ever to do. It's alot to you through and you feel like you have no one how will support you or understand how it feels. I'm sure you have one very close friend that you are able to trust and talk about what you want to do. I was already showing and no one knew anything. I'm a bigger girl so I suppose people just though I was getting fatter. I told a person I could trust the most and be able to talk to when I needed somebody there.
I know it's to far along in your pregnancy to terminate the baby but you can always put it up for adoption. You need to think long and hard about your decision though. It is a life altering decision. You need to think about thing such as;
Are you going to be able to raise the baby and try and be happy for it's sake?
Are you going to be able to tell the baby who it's father is and what happened?
Are you going to be able to look at that child everyday of your life with having to know it's father raped you?
Are you going to be able to live with all that emotion and anger and hatred towards the father and what happened?
You're always going to remember what happened to you. With or without this child. And as well if you put the baby up for adoption, there are other things you need to think of like;
Are you going to be able to cope that you put your own baby up for adoption?
What about when the baby is old enough to try and find it's birth mother, And he/she asks you questions about why you put them up for adoption, Who there father is etc etc.
You need to think long and hard about what you want to do. I choose to have an abortion and to be honest, even though I was raped, I feel I made the wrong decision. It doesn't matter how that baby was made, Yes you will always know what happened and have to look at he/she day in and day out BUT they are a part of you. You are always going to wonder where you child is when you get older, If you have other kids; Your always going to remember your first pregnancy and wonder how they are doing, What your life would of been like if you had of kept the baby.
And just remember, Don't let the baby suffer for something someone has done to you. He/she deserves to be loved for who they are and don't punish them for what has happened.
I made a mistake by having an abortion and thats something I have to live with. I hope you make the right choice about whether to keep it or put it up for adoption.
So think really hard about it. Coz if you give it up for adoption it's something you have to live with for the rest of your life.
If you want anyone to talk to...Just say so on here and I'll message you. I don't want to leave who I am incase people I know come on here. But I do know what you are going though and I'd love to help you as much as I can. Good luck honey!
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A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (13 May 2007):
 first make sure the police know. at 12 i was raped and didnt tell the police for three years because i was scared and embarrased. you dont want it happening to other people. now the latest you could have a termination in the UK is legally 24 weeks as im sure you know, there is only one option i would suggest for once the baby is born, adoption. you need to make your family aware of this as it is a very serious and important matter. if you are sure you would not bond with the baby i suggest this is the way to deal with the situation. i realy hope i helped chick, mail me if u wan 2 talk x x x
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A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (13 May 2007):
 I am so sorry to hear about your current situation and my heart goes out to you.
The thing you have to remember is that you have done nothing wrong, you were raped. The blame lies with the filth that did this to you.
I am shocked to here that your GP would not refer you..Did you tell him the whole situation?
I know from a previous partner of mine what something like this can do to someone and you NEED to deal with this.
If telling your family is not an option than i can only reccomend professional guidance. It is important that you deal with the mental effects within yourself. Your family is something you do need to consider..They can offer you the support that you are so needing at the moment. They wont think any less of you, they love you and will help you throught this the best they can. They wont judge you, dont think that, they`ll judge the scum who done this to you. Please consider using your family...
Do you know who the person was? This person really does need justice served on him, otherwise he will put someone else in the same position you are in.
As for the baby, no-one can blame you for feeling the way you are. I cant start to imagine the turmoil you are going through at this time. You have made your choice, which no-one can fault and you need to start to get out of your depression now. This wont go away easily and ignoring or hiding from your emotions and fears will end up running your life and WILL change who you are.
Adopting the baby is fine. This was not your call. I dont think it is going to be possible to hide it much longer and as far as I know the hospitals will not induce the baby early unless there is a health issue which demands it.
You cant let this monster determine who you are and who you might become. Your strong im sure of that, you may not feel it now, but everyone has an inner strength that they can pull out of the bag, im sure you are the same.
Please,please dont let this just slide. Deal with this face on with all the support that is available to you.
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