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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: ok so i was raped 3 months ago by a guy ive known for a while. it hurt me so so much and i am definately not over it yet. but 2 months ago my current boyfriend came into my life and has made me really happy. until the subject of sex came up. we were in his room and he started just touching me. then things went farther and we ended up having sex before i even knew it. i pretty much blacked out for lack of a better term. i wanted soo much to make him happy that i didnt say anything to him about how i went home and cried all night after. i felt so disgusted with myself that i let this happen AGAIN. then the next day, my boyfriend left me. he said he still wanted to keep me in his life and i said i didnt want that so he came over to my house to try and convince me. i ended up getting so upset as to what he was saying to me that i came out and said "I had sex with u! 2 months after i was raped! you dont understand!" he didnt say anything. he got in his car and left. a couple hours later he txtd me and said "does ur mom know what happened to you?" and i said he was the only one that knew. he told me that that was a big deal and i was stupid not to say anything to someone. he kept calling me dumb and saying that i couldve had him put in jail. we got back together the next morning. he said he wants to help me overcome this. but he keeps trying to get me to have sex with him. he yells at me for crying when i see Him, they guy who raped me. (we live very close). he tells me to "just get over it". i try sooo hard to leave it in the past but i just cant. every night i go to sleep but i see his face over me. feel his breath on me. he says "its really not something to cry over". i really want to be with this guy because when he isnt saying things like that he is amazing. how do i make him understand that i cant just get over it???
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks all. oh & no he is not my age. he is almost 4 years older. just thoughtt i wouldd clearr that upp.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009): dump your present bf he is using you.tell your mother first about the rape part as mothers are understanding and know how to tackle such situations.may be it has happened to her and she knows the solution to this?your present bf is not your worth.hes a stinking mothers f**king asshole.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009): Sorry to say it but this guy is a pig!! He is only after sex and honestly doesnt care about you at all.
You need to tell someone about the rape as you need some counselling to help you to cope with what has happened. You also need to decide if you want to press charges against the guy who raped you.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009): oh sweety first i am so sorry this happened to you, no one deserves this. To be raped the first time was traumatic enough but then to have the guy who should care for you treat you like a sexual object and basically force you to have sex with him is just as traumatic. There is no given amount of time that can heal a wound like that it just takes time....LOTS of time and sometimes even counseling and if he is not understanding of that then he is definitely not worth wasting your time on. You should not be having sex with him if he can't understand that and if he's pressuring you then he obviously does not care about you enough to know how traumatic this whole thing is to you. I know it's hard to hear but you are probably better off getting rid of him now. Trust me there are plenty of good guys out there that understand this situation and understand how to really treat a girl and this guy sounds like an ass and even though he has his 'good' moments he's just trying to keep you happy to try and get what he really wants...sex.
Now onto the other main topic here, you DEFINITELY should tell your parents what happened and the police. this was NOT your fault and it was NOT right it's a crime and if he has done it to you he may do it to other girls. I know you're scared and embarrassed and probably ashamed to tell your parents but they LOVE you and they won't think any different of you because of this. You're going to need a lot of support to get through this and keeping it all to yourself is NOT a good idea it will only get worst and lead to later problems. Sex is supposed to be good but because of what has happened to you, you may end up always associating sex with trauma and pain and that kind of baggage can stay with you for life if you don't get the right kind of help now... i STRONGLY suggest counseling and please please tell your parents.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009): you need to tell your parents what happended. You need moral support, understanding and attention. Rape is a horrible crime and it's effects can last a LONG time. Your BF needs to be alot more understanding and supportive, and quit thinking about simply getting his dick wet. It sounds like he may be an adult, in which case he needs to be thinking long and hard about the rape he committed on you. He could easily go to prison for that, in which case he needs to consider an whole different kind of rape...
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female
reader, devastated2008  +, writes (9 September 2009):
 You are so right you can't just get over it. I assume your boyfriend is the same age as you?... Neither one of you are going to be able to handle this on your own... you need help.
It's not be too late to go to the police, if he's done this to you there will be others as well.(You might be saving someone else the trauma you are experiencing.) Your mom and dad need to know as well... you may need medical treatment... you should be examined for std's.
Rape is not something you "just get over". Your boyfriend is too young to understand that what he says or is doing is hurting you. He likely thinks that if you have sex with him he can replace your hurt and fear with love... and he is frustrated that you aren't willing to get help, but aren't able to allow him to "cure" you. (which doesn't work)
You HAVE to tell. There are people specially trained who UNDERSTAND what you are going through and know how to help.
What you describe... flashbacks, blackouts, panic attacks... that is called Post Traumatic Stress. YOU are acting perfectly NORMAL for the trauma you have went through. You will be okay, but you HAVE to tell... if you can't do it for yourself, then do it for your boyfriend.
He I assume is a kid also, he is struggling too... he is going to need some help too... HIS girlfriend was raped, he had sex with her and she blacked out, he feels powerless to help her.
Either do it for yourself or you do it for him, but it has to be done. Do you understand, sweetheart?
I am definitely praying for you to have the strength to tell your mom, dad, police, anyone who will listen.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009): I'm so sorry this happened to you. It's not something you can just "get over" I hope he will realize that soon. He shouldn't be pressuring you to have sex with him, that's for sure. I know that he wants you to tell someone, I'm sure he's upset with them and wants to see them in jail, but I also understand your point of view, which is that it's not that easy to do.
You may need to sit down with the guy you're with and talk to him about how you feel, try to tell him as best you can how it feels for you when you are hurting, remembering things, or afraid or upset. I don't think he understands how much this type of thing affects someone, so it's something that he should take more time to listen to you about.
The guy you're with now needs to realize that it's not easy, and that it is going to take time, and support from him and others to get you through it. He can't rush it, or force it to get better somehow. I am sorry this all happened, but we're also all here to talk to. You are more than welcome to message me anytime, or anyone else here, just to vent or talk or get more advice. I hope I was able to help some. Good luck with everything, you'll be okay in the end, trust me.
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