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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost a year now and feel that we are ready to have sex. We are both virgins and believe that you should only have sex with someone you love. The date was set for last night. He tried to make it really special for me and I could tell that he was really nervous but he was trying to be so kind. He started kissing me and started undressing when I told him that I couldn't do this.Here's what happened...Earlier that day I was talking with my bestfriend (a boy that my boyfriend is occasionally jealous of but definately not overly so). We were in a cafe and just talking and he suddenly kissed me. It was only for like 10 seconds. I didn't kiss him back but neither did I pull away. After that he said he was sorry but he has loved me for ages and then just left.So when it came to later that day with my boyfriend I felt so embarrassed and mean. It really felt as if I had cheated on him or something. I really love him but I didn't want this overshadowing our first time together. He thought that when I said I couldn't do this that I meant I couldn't do it with him. He was really upset and still is today.I really want to speak to him but don't know what to say. Should I tell him what happens even though I'm afraid he might dump me? I really love him but I used to fancy my bestfriend years ago and so now I am just a little bit curious but not enough, I don't think?What should I do???
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (4 December 2009):
 Frankly, it sounds like you're not emotionally ready for sex yet, as you don't appear to know your own heart in the relationship(s) you are juggling right now. I think it would be wise to wait until you are 100% certain you are with the right guy.
And those of us adults who tell you to wait aren't trying to make you miss out on something. We were teenagers too and remember quite well how confusing things were and how not ready we were. Most of us are trying to save you from making a mistake, we are not trying to be party-poopers. We have the benefit of 20-20 hindsight and can look back on ourselves at that age and draw conclusions about what might be going on in contemporary teenager's lives now.
Your instinct NOT to go through with it is a good one. Wait until you are truly of legal age (it's not so long for you now) and are completely and utterly certain that you know all the ramifications of sexual intercourse.
Okay? Take care.
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (3 December 2009):
 I'm with caring guy on this one.
ANY SEX is ILLEGAL under the age of 16 in the UK.
This includes, oral, fingering, blow jobs, vaginal penetration (normal 'sex') or anal sex.
So, you should wait until you are BOTH 16, before you even consider taking your relationship to the next level.
I think that it may have actually been your body subconsciously telling you that you are not ready for sex. I think your friend kissing you may have made you realise this without knowing it.
If you are having doubts of any kind, and the fact you are asking questions says you are, you should wait. Talk to your boyfriend, continue as you are, but without the physical side. IF he loves you, then he will understand and WAIT. If he pushes the issue, he is only after one thing and not worth your time anyway.
I also want to remind you, IF you insist on having sex, and breaking the law, make sure you are on the contraceptive pill AND use condoms.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 December 2009):
May I remind you that in Britain, it is illegal to have sex under the age of 16. And since you're obviously here asking for advice, my advice is to wait.
If you're doubting your relationship, then you need to address that before anyting else.
Please wait and give yourself more time, so you can lose it to someone who loves you, and who you know you really love.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): It was probably hard for your best friend to tell you he liked you in that way, but it was completely out of order for him to kiss you knowing you were with someone. Let him know that he has put you in a horrible situation and if he really was such a great friend he should of been much more considerate to the consequences this would have on you.
You are still so young, if you really are doubting your future with your bf then don't mislead him and keep him hanging.
Ask yourself how you would feel to be without him and see him meet someone else? Apply this thought to both your boyfriend and best friend. You might realise your feelings for them and can decide who your heart is with. If you loved your boyfriend enough to take the step of sleeping together then it could be a mistake to throw that all away.
I just want to provide you with options and a bit of guidance so you can work out yourself how you feel. If I were in your shoes I would take all my courage and tell my boyfriend what had happened. You havent done anything wrong, you didnt ask your friend to kiss you. Explain to him exactly what you said here "I really love him but I didn't want this overshadowing our first time together" he should be proud of your honesty and respect you for telling him the truth.
For his sake, try to keep things a bit cool with your best friend as he is bound to feel very jealous and it would be understandable for him to no longer trust your friend. I'm sure you would feel the same if it was the other way around.
I hope things work out for the best for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): ok it might just be nerves im a gay 21 year old male and i was a virgin till i was 17 the first time i was nerveses too. just tell your boyfriend wat happend if he loves you he will understand and can i just menshion vitginity is special hold on to it for a bit longer your really young
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